- Thread starter psykokow
- Start date
by 'raw materials' do you meen a tablet ? and by 'made it yourself' do you meen removed from guards , sorry carers , pocket ?
Ian Phillips
Volunteer Moderator
As well as all the other tablets you get, you know the big ones with the smilie face on?
Game??? :S
news will return........ :d
Due to many circumstances mainly my health, Grants busy schedule and other things cropping up there has been a severe lack of News recently. We haven't given up and hopefully over the next week or so we will have some new News to pour down your throat in its verballic nightmarish fashion....
In the mean time this is a script that I wrote that never got recorded it alludes to things long past and rather than re-write parts I will start afresh with a blank page....
Due to many circumstances mainly my health, Grants busy schedule and other things cropping up there has been a severe lack of News recently. We haven't given up and hopefully over the next week or so we will have some new News to pour down your throat in its verballic nightmarish fashion....
In the mean time this is a script that I wrote that never got recorded it alludes to things long past and rather than re-write parts I will start afresh with a blank page....
News Ep 9 and a bit
So here is NEWS
NEWS Episode 9.5 (Mianus has been Itching for weeks Edition)
News:
Teddy: I’m Teddy Ryde
Randy: And I’m Randy Berger….
Teddy: Tensions between Imperial forces in prism and beyond are rising today over messages released by senator wagar. Senator Wagar announced his latest plans to stamp his authority on federal space. Weapons whic have been mentioned include hard, soft and for the ears only
News can not confirm that Senator Wagar intends to use his guitar and sing again but
dire consequences for federal space could be on the horizon.
One Agent Psykokow working under cover has warned Federal authorities about Senator Wagar’s nefarious plans.
Unfortunately he was kidnapped by Imperial forces and his whereabouts and current state of health is unknown.
A plea for help video was released from the prism system that shows the agent in a somewhat beaten state.
the Prism system or as its now know to the federals the Prison system, is fast becoming a no go area and federals are working around the clock to come up with a solution to the present hostage crisis.
Randy: Is Lave Radio becoming an imperial institution ask’s News today. It has come to our attention that the last few episodes of the much loved station show have become prey to imperial propaganda with no less than four fully fledged and powerful imperials on the last episode. The final nail in the coffin was when they asked listeners to pledge to the imperial fund responsible for the grievous taking of federal hostages such as the ongoing agent P situation. Senator Wagar who appeared on the show said he was excited and happy with the latest developments and was glad that Lave Radio was taking an active part in the proceedings. Here at News we fear for the neutrality of Lave Radio in reporting in an impartial way and believe that the imperial press are taking over in this area.
Teddy: The new Digital Integrated Console King comes out later this week with millions of people waiting to get their hands on with some people camping outside stations for weeks in the hope of becoming on of the first people to play with the new . Here at news we have had an early release of and we have been fiddling with for a few weeks now and we can honestly say is worth every penny. the new has been partially funded by Fawn Dilmiballs and will include new technology such as their all over body onesie suit which allows to interact with every part of your body during the gaming experience. along with the new taste and smell modules. comes bundled with the new G1 racing game. And with the stores about to open we cross over to our on the spot reporter, Bob Ingupendoon. Whats the scene like there Bob?
Bob: ...And it felt like i had the whole length in my mouth...ahem yes.. you join me here just inside Barnards Station Mall and the queue outside is miles long, there is a huge pyramid of consoles behind me so there should be enough to go around. And there is a large display on the wall S for the future of games. and the security staff all look ready and the clock is counting down the crowd look ready to go well its time to get out of the way of the doors...and the security staff are opening the doors now. oh my what a rush….no sir don’t take that one from the bottom...oh noooooooooo (large crashing sound)......arghhhh im covered in s…...ooooh me jacobs…(large squelch)
Randy: It looks like we’ve lost bob there.
Randy: The Rockforth Corporation has been criticised by Federal Officials for allowing high-stakes gambling machines on high streets.
A technician responsible for repairing the machines said 'its no fun for us when these machines go wrong. 'I was attacked by a woman who swore she had 3 melons. I caught her Hitting the machine with an umbrella screaming' where are the 300 credits my melons deserve' she then turned her attention to me and it takes more than a wrench to remove an umbrella from where she stuck it.
Minister for culture, media and sport, Samuel Vorn said more protection is needed.
'We will not tolerate violence towards our technicians'
One of the latest machines offers a 1,000,000 credit first prize for 4 Queens in a row. Members of the public have been using all sorts of methods to trick the machine
this lead to the machine being closed down when one old timer was found with his hand up the cash slot fiddling with the queens.
Teddy: Mianus has finally solved the leaky valve problem inside their company afteroutside help was brought in from the Achernar system the imperials were only too willing to look into mianus and after a bit of fiddling and poking around managed to get things inside mianus moving at a faster pace. But there were further complications with Mianus, their new seats which come as standard are now being made from Wagar Wool as a deal sweetener for getting imperials into Mianus. The seats however have caused many customers problems.
Customer: ‘Mianus has never been so itchy, these new seats aren’t half the quality of the old ones. I’m scratching in Mianus all the time’.
Teddy: Mianus say they are working with Wagar Wool to try and make Mianus less itchy
Randy: …..and some late breaking news into the newsroom tonight… oh my goodness me noooooooo. Ladies and Gentlemen it is with great sadness that I have to inform you that our dear own Chesty McCleavage has been shot and killed.
This really is a tragedy… I thought she was late..
Teddy: Well she kind of is...
Randy: Apparently The attacker waited for Chesty to get out of Mianus, where she was being serviced and whilst waiting for CLIMAX he jumped on her disguised as an ice cream vendor. He then pulled out a 99 which was actually an imperial service pistol and shot her through the head. The attacker then fled the scene leaving no trace dna and this note
Dear Chesty. I’d rather not do this but orders are orders and you helped the feds once too often
Yours Always….you know who…..
The Station authorities are treating this as an assassination and believe the Attacker is an imperial who is armed and dangerous. The attacker was last seen in Mianus. If you have any information regarding this crime please contact the authorities.
Teddy: The Federation today is holding it's breath after the recent acquisition of the planet Romagaria from the Empire. Federation citizens are scared that these immigrants will bring a wave of people looking to cash in on the federations benefit structure
and there are warnings that touching these immigrants will lead to boils and in some cases scurvy. Slaves that have been freed from Romagaria have been warned that any attempt to breed with federal citizens will be met with severe punishment. one federal citizen who wishes to remain anonymous said 'When i visited Romagaria on a kow tour my husband was touched by a slave, turned into a thargoid and ate one of our children' other reports have stated that Romagarian citizens will take jobs by force, and pillage our citizens and burn our houses down.’ Hank Kerdown the minister for immigration on Barnards Star has denied all these allegations.
So here is NEWS
NEWS Episode 9.5 (Mianus has been Itching for weeks Edition)
News:
Teddy: I’m Teddy Ryde
Randy: And I’m Randy Berger….
Teddy: Tensions between Imperial forces in prism and beyond are rising today over messages released by senator wagar. Senator Wagar announced his latest plans to stamp his authority on federal space. Weapons whic have been mentioned include hard, soft and for the ears only
News can not confirm that Senator Wagar intends to use his guitar and sing again but
dire consequences for federal space could be on the horizon.
One Agent Psykokow working under cover has warned Federal authorities about Senator Wagar’s nefarious plans.
Unfortunately he was kidnapped by Imperial forces and his whereabouts and current state of health is unknown.
A plea for help video was released from the prism system that shows the agent in a somewhat beaten state.
the Prism system or as its now know to the federals the Prison system, is fast becoming a no go area and federals are working around the clock to come up with a solution to the present hostage crisis.
Randy: Is Lave Radio becoming an imperial institution ask’s News today. It has come to our attention that the last few episodes of the much loved station show have become prey to imperial propaganda with no less than four fully fledged and powerful imperials on the last episode. The final nail in the coffin was when they asked listeners to pledge to the imperial fund responsible for the grievous taking of federal hostages such as the ongoing agent P situation. Senator Wagar who appeared on the show said he was excited and happy with the latest developments and was glad that Lave Radio was taking an active part in the proceedings. Here at News we fear for the neutrality of Lave Radio in reporting in an impartial way and believe that the imperial press are taking over in this area.
Teddy: The new Digital Integrated Console King comes out later this week with millions of people waiting to get their hands on with some people camping outside stations for weeks in the hope of becoming on of the first people to play with the new . Here at news we have had an early release of and we have been fiddling with for a few weeks now and we can honestly say is worth every penny. the new has been partially funded by Fawn Dilmiballs and will include new technology such as their all over body onesie suit which allows to interact with every part of your body during the gaming experience. along with the new taste and smell modules. comes bundled with the new G1 racing game. And with the stores about to open we cross over to our on the spot reporter, Bob Ingupendoon. Whats the scene like there Bob?
Bob: ...And it felt like i had the whole length in my mouth...ahem yes.. you join me here just inside Barnards Station Mall and the queue outside is miles long, there is a huge pyramid of consoles behind me so there should be enough to go around. And there is a large display on the wall S for the future of games. and the security staff all look ready and the clock is counting down the crowd look ready to go well its time to get out of the way of the doors...and the security staff are opening the doors now. oh my what a rush….no sir don’t take that one from the bottom...oh noooooooooo (large crashing sound)......arghhhh im covered in s…...ooooh me jacobs…(large squelch)
Randy: It looks like we’ve lost bob there.
Randy: The Rockforth Corporation has been criticised by Federal Officials for allowing high-stakes gambling machines on high streets.
A technician responsible for repairing the machines said 'its no fun for us when these machines go wrong. 'I was attacked by a woman who swore she had 3 melons. I caught her Hitting the machine with an umbrella screaming' where are the 300 credits my melons deserve' she then turned her attention to me and it takes more than a wrench to remove an umbrella from where she stuck it.
Minister for culture, media and sport, Samuel Vorn said more protection is needed.
'We will not tolerate violence towards our technicians'
One of the latest machines offers a 1,000,000 credit first prize for 4 Queens in a row. Members of the public have been using all sorts of methods to trick the machine
this lead to the machine being closed down when one old timer was found with his hand up the cash slot fiddling with the queens.
Teddy: Mianus has finally solved the leaky valve problem inside their company afteroutside help was brought in from the Achernar system the imperials were only too willing to look into mianus and after a bit of fiddling and poking around managed to get things inside mianus moving at a faster pace. But there were further complications with Mianus, their new seats which come as standard are now being made from Wagar Wool as a deal sweetener for getting imperials into Mianus. The seats however have caused many customers problems.
Customer: ‘Mianus has never been so itchy, these new seats aren’t half the quality of the old ones. I’m scratching in Mianus all the time’.
Teddy: Mianus say they are working with Wagar Wool to try and make Mianus less itchy
Randy: …..and some late breaking news into the newsroom tonight… oh my goodness me noooooooo. Ladies and Gentlemen it is with great sadness that I have to inform you that our dear own Chesty McCleavage has been shot and killed.
This really is a tragedy… I thought she was late..
Teddy: Well she kind of is...
Randy: Apparently The attacker waited for Chesty to get out of Mianus, where she was being serviced and whilst waiting for CLIMAX he jumped on her disguised as an ice cream vendor. He then pulled out a 99 which was actually an imperial service pistol and shot her through the head. The attacker then fled the scene leaving no trace dna and this note
Dear Chesty. I’d rather not do this but orders are orders and you helped the feds once too often
Yours Always….you know who…..
The Station authorities are treating this as an assassination and believe the Attacker is an imperial who is armed and dangerous. The attacker was last seen in Mianus. If you have any information regarding this crime please contact the authorities.
Teddy: The Federation today is holding it's breath after the recent acquisition of the planet Romagaria from the Empire. Federation citizens are scared that these immigrants will bring a wave of people looking to cash in on the federations benefit structure
and there are warnings that touching these immigrants will lead to boils and in some cases scurvy. Slaves that have been freed from Romagaria have been warned that any attempt to breed with federal citizens will be met with severe punishment. one federal citizen who wishes to remain anonymous said 'When i visited Romagaria on a kow tour my husband was touched by a slave, turned into a thargoid and ate one of our children' other reports have stated that Romagarian citizens will take jobs by force, and pillage our citizens and burn our houses down.’ Hank Kerdown the minister for immigration on Barnards Star has denied all these allegations.
Ep 9 and a bit continued...........
Randy: And now Mike Coxmells with the sport.
Mike: Thank you Randy, and its been a great week this week in galaxy league as lave managed to pull off a huge upset against Archernar. They put their win down to Yakinoff and their manager Cameron Yertits team talk during the week. but it was Archernar who took the early lead and when Paul McDixon got sent to the Orange sidewinder early for a nasty foul where he decapitated Lars Fartinsownd it looked like it was all over for Lave. Achernar scored second goal just before halftime and the match looked as good as finished. But it was a different lave that emerged after halftime and when the ball went to Phillup Miarse he banged one home to make the score 2-1. Miarse had further sucess a few mins later when a backpass went loose Miarse took full advantage sliding another one in to level the scores. The winner came from a set piece when *** Wan King pulled off a 30 yard screamer into the top corner sending the traveling lave fans into pandemonium. The final score Archernar Imperials 2 Lave Sidewinders 3
Barnard Star were without their star striker Nox Yursarse this week as he recovers from a swollen groin. and it certainly showed. Limp lacked penetration in the final 3rd and although managing to score a goal it was a late consolation. Eta Cassopeia scoring both goals in the first half and sitting back in what turned out to be a dull game.
Leesti were slaughtered 5 goals to 1 by Castor with some controversy during the game. Leesti goalkeeper Hans Updeskirt was sent off for time wasting. but fans of leesti protest that he was actually moving faster than usual and his slow pace is usually time added on at the end of the game. Leesti with no reserve goalkeeper on the bench. Jason larscock filled in but was unable to organise the usually solid Leesti defence who let player after player break through and take shots at larscock. the final score Castor Comrades 5, Leesti Drones 1
And the full results are as follows…
Results
12
Archernar Imperials
2
Lave Sidewinders
3
Castor Comrades
5
Leesti Drones
1
Eta Cassopeia Caledonian Cabers
2
Barnard Star Barnacles
1
Prism Gladiators
1
Riedquat Planet
1
Real Zanonce
4
Sirius Cowdogs
2
Ross 128
1
Diso Divas
0
Slough Rangers
0
Sol United
3
Vaquess Empire
1
Stroudberry Asteroids
1
Mike: In other sports news. A signal was received this week from what is believed to be from one of the 1st round the galaxy race entrants the signal was very weak and contained a reference to thargoids. The message said ‘Mianus has survived an encounter of the thargoids but repairs are hard. Mianus isn’t ment to take this much punishment…..’ the message was received by Barnards stars deep listening probe where a reply was sent but no further communications have been established.
The Galactic Snow and Ice games which start in a few weeks have hit a snag when organisers discovered the planet that was due to host the games was a little closer to the sun than they had anticipated. Stroudberry Surveying team claimed the planet known as Calgahammer was 2Au from its star and would be perfect to host this years games in the Stroudberry system. unfortuantly a decimal point was missed from the calculations and the planet is only point 2au from its star and has probably never seen a drop of snow in its 5 billion year existence. This miscalculation has led to organisers trying to find a suitable planet to host the games.
And now its Heidi Salami and Steve o’Dull in Archernar for this weeks G1 Racing. .
Heidi: Welcome to Imperial Archernar where the crowd are going wild as we speak. The reason legendary G1 racer Jocelyn Coque is out there doing a parade lap. 6 times G1 champion Coque was in Mianus for 4 of them years. and Coque waving at the crowds now who are acknowledging Coque’s contribution to one of the favourite sports here on Archernar.
Steve: Yes there is nothing like having old timer Coque to come to warm up the crowd before a big race and getting Coque out has certainly warmed this crowd up. Lets remember this race is notorious as being a death trap and it’s not just the track that causes accidents, the crowd love to fire away at the racers. But i'm sure Mianus and Coque are both safe from being shot into today. There have been some driver movements since the last race. Jenny Taylia moves into Mianus and watson herbush takes the number two slot at beaverhousen after being fired from Mianus. The Young Rookie, Bud Plug takes his place in Mianus.
Heidi: Yes Im looking for Bud Plug in Mianus now and I can see Bud Plug there, yes he looks like he’s settling in well into Mianus down there. He certainly set some good times in qualifying finishing in 5th just half a second behind Fock in 4th. Jenny Taylia in 3rd Fonda Dix in 2nd and Howie Feltersnatch in 1st. There is a delay at the start I’ve been told and that’s because Dix has been mobbed by the crowd, several fans of dix jumped on dix as he was making his way to the pits a very well loved G1 racer who is local here.
Steve: Well I think I can see Dix pushing out there and it looks like the security have got the situation under control. I remember my race here in the 3285 season, Ronnie Coxtip told me not to infuriate the crowd here as they don’t like it when outsiders win much. Well I was a lap ahead of everyone and someone in the crowd shot my fuel tank as I went past. Straight through it went into my seat. And I still have that bullet lodged in my…
Heidi: I’ll have to interupt you there Steve as it looks like the race is about to start. The engines are reving up and I can see the lights 1.2.3.4.5 blue lights and they are away… Feltersnatch flys into the first corner followed by Dix, Jenny Taylia there pulling away hard from Fock, and bud plug right in his rear end. some vibration there from bud plug i think he’s just a bit close to Focks ship and some of the oil from the exhaust maybe limiting his vision.
Steve: Yeah I think thats just a lack of experiance there for Bud plug and that lubrication from fock may make Bud plug’s ship just a little harder to handle. Jenny Taylia now trying an overtaking move on Dix as they come into the merry-go-round corner a serious test of yaw and pitch. and a few stray bullets from the crowd there, I think they are trying to pop off Dix, a lot of support here for Jenny Taylia, born and raised here in Archernar. Howie Feltersnatch pulling into the pits here it seems his heat dump has wedged shut.
Heidi: Yes I can see steam escaping from Feltersnatch it must be absolutely roasting in that ship right now. and Jenny Taylia in to the pits behind in Mianus. looks like she has a problem with a crack in the windshield. Yes conformation coming through on the radio that Mianus is venting into space. And an accident in the rear of the field Watson Herbush has crashed into an advertising sign and, Herbush is hanging out of the ship, and the locals loving it firing into Herbush as the race continues now Dix challenging for the 1st place here but still firmly in the number 2 slot. Jenny taylia just behind looking for a way past.
Steve: Oh and that does not sound good i think Bud plug in mianus has something loose I can hear it rattling. Bud Plug deciding to say in there though and some activity going on in the pit lane. Mianus definitely getting ready for Bud Plug and in he comes. well thankfully no accident there with bud plug but I think his race is over and that comes as a relief too many people would have stayed in there too long and thats when serious accidents happen.
Heidi: And with that retirement Arden Long moves up into the points. With Tina **** just behind. **** nice and firm there just waiting for a move. Jiblomy, Drew Peacock things are looking touch and go there for him, he’s into the pitlane and oh my goodness Drew Peacock has skidded into Mianus and there is carnage down there in the pitlane a fire has broken out in Mianus I can see the fire ship pulling up into Mianus garage now and its raging well down there. A whole burning ring of fire around Mianus.
Steve: And thats disaster for Jenny Taylia who was due to pull in for more fuel this lap and I think I can see Jenny Taylia running out of juice yes she’s all dry now and drifting aimlessly as she flys pass the pits. that moves Fock into 3rd Dix in 2nd and Feltersnatch with a huge lead now. But Fock looks like he has a hand on Dix now as they come into the merry-go-round, and Fock around the outside what a pass there and Fock sticks on the engine boost and he’s gone. The crowd booing Fock as he starts to eat into Feltersnatch’s lead
Heidi: Well Fock is closing in on Feltersnatch now as we come to 3 laps to go, its going to be a close one again here, Mianus reporting huge damage from that fire earlier including the loss of Bud Plug’s ship. and there is only a a few seconds between fock and feltersnatch now the crowd are firing all sorts of weapons at Fock as he flies past. And it looks like he has sustained some damage that left flap is hanging off but it doesn’t seem to be affecting his performance as they come into the final lap now, Feltersnatch, Fock, Dix, Arden Long, Tina **** and Harry Setatesties making up the top 6.
Steve: Oh I just saw Fock off there he’s out Fock out and waving at the crowd. I think his ship ran out of coolant definitely some heat issues there, Fock comes out looking very sweaty indeed. and that gets Arden Long into a podium position. Dix is now right behind Feltersnatch who is weaving all over trying to keep Dix behind him, and Dix drops underneath Feltersnatch and rolls pass into first and the crowd look like they are going to riot and It looks as if a few of them are.
Heidi: An outragious manouver there from Dix who leads coming into the last lap from Feltersnatch and Arden Long, Dix has never won at Archernar and neither has any non-imperial for the last 36 years. this is history in the making folks as Dix comes around the final corner and takes the chequered flag… the Crowd are firing at each other now as the security forces move in a war has broken out in the stands. and Dix pulls over and oh my he’s got a Barnard’s star flag out and he’s waving it around thats only going to incite more trouble but I don’t think Dix cares right now. And its back to the studio...Mike Coxsmells there with the results.
Mike: Thank you Heidi another fantastic G1 race there and here are the final results
Fonda Dix 10pts
Howie Feltersnatch 6 pts
Arden Long 4pts
Tina **** 3pts
Harry Setatesties 2pts
Issac Cox 1pt
Well the teams move onto Sol for the next G1 race in the classic race that every team wants to win. That’s all from me, Mike Coxsmells back to you Teddy…
Teddy : Well with the death of Chesty its now over to our new weather and travel reporter Laine Kloseur
Laine: Well thank you teddy well theres been a backlog of traffic building up outside Barnards station as security are checking all ships especially Mianus after the assassination of my predecessor. So I would give yourself plenty of extra time on your journey especially if your flying Mianus they may want to probe around and have a good rummage.
The B14 is closed this week due to heavy space debris. This comes after the Testing period for new pilots in the asteroid belt many pilots were found smashed onto the asteroids and some were even shot to death by the drones they were supposed to be targeting. this years crop of recruits are said to be some of the worse the Elite federation has seen in some years.
in weather news a large storm will move into the Birminghamworld space port later today with high winds and penetrating rain I would remain indoors whilst the storm passes however if your home is penetrated by the rain make for a designated shelter, I was penetrated last year and it wasn’t too bad I just made for the local leisure center where there were a number of people who had been penetrated willing to help.
A freeze warning has been posted for Barnards Station area this is due to the ongoing power problems, residents are advised to wrap up warm. and collect emergency sealed cartons of self heating coco from the station supplies. ooooh I love sucking off a hot one makes me feel all.warm and fuzzy inside. Well thats all from me back to you….Randy…
Randy: Well thats all from News, Goodnight
Teddy: Goodnight………..
Randy: And now Mike Coxmells with the sport.
Mike: Thank you Randy, and its been a great week this week in galaxy league as lave managed to pull off a huge upset against Archernar. They put their win down to Yakinoff and their manager Cameron Yertits team talk during the week. but it was Archernar who took the early lead and when Paul McDixon got sent to the Orange sidewinder early for a nasty foul where he decapitated Lars Fartinsownd it looked like it was all over for Lave. Achernar scored second goal just before halftime and the match looked as good as finished. But it was a different lave that emerged after halftime and when the ball went to Phillup Miarse he banged one home to make the score 2-1. Miarse had further sucess a few mins later when a backpass went loose Miarse took full advantage sliding another one in to level the scores. The winner came from a set piece when *** Wan King pulled off a 30 yard screamer into the top corner sending the traveling lave fans into pandemonium. The final score Archernar Imperials 2 Lave Sidewinders 3
Barnard Star were without their star striker Nox Yursarse this week as he recovers from a swollen groin. and it certainly showed. Limp lacked penetration in the final 3rd and although managing to score a goal it was a late consolation. Eta Cassopeia scoring both goals in the first half and sitting back in what turned out to be a dull game.
Leesti were slaughtered 5 goals to 1 by Castor with some controversy during the game. Leesti goalkeeper Hans Updeskirt was sent off for time wasting. but fans of leesti protest that he was actually moving faster than usual and his slow pace is usually time added on at the end of the game. Leesti with no reserve goalkeeper on the bench. Jason larscock filled in but was unable to organise the usually solid Leesti defence who let player after player break through and take shots at larscock. the final score Castor Comrades 5, Leesti Drones 1
And the full results are as follows…
Results
12
Archernar Imperials
2
Lave Sidewinders
3
Castor Comrades
5
Leesti Drones
1
Eta Cassopeia Caledonian Cabers
2
Barnard Star Barnacles
1
Prism Gladiators
1
Riedquat Planet
1
Real Zanonce
4
Sirius Cowdogs
2
Ross 128
1
Diso Divas
0
Slough Rangers
0
Sol United
3
Vaquess Empire
1
Stroudberry Asteroids
1
Mike: In other sports news. A signal was received this week from what is believed to be from one of the 1st round the galaxy race entrants the signal was very weak and contained a reference to thargoids. The message said ‘Mianus has survived an encounter of the thargoids but repairs are hard. Mianus isn’t ment to take this much punishment…..’ the message was received by Barnards stars deep listening probe where a reply was sent but no further communications have been established.
The Galactic Snow and Ice games which start in a few weeks have hit a snag when organisers discovered the planet that was due to host the games was a little closer to the sun than they had anticipated. Stroudberry Surveying team claimed the planet known as Calgahammer was 2Au from its star and would be perfect to host this years games in the Stroudberry system. unfortuantly a decimal point was missed from the calculations and the planet is only point 2au from its star and has probably never seen a drop of snow in its 5 billion year existence. This miscalculation has led to organisers trying to find a suitable planet to host the games.
And now its Heidi Salami and Steve o’Dull in Archernar for this weeks G1 Racing. .
Heidi: Welcome to Imperial Archernar where the crowd are going wild as we speak. The reason legendary G1 racer Jocelyn Coque is out there doing a parade lap. 6 times G1 champion Coque was in Mianus for 4 of them years. and Coque waving at the crowds now who are acknowledging Coque’s contribution to one of the favourite sports here on Archernar.
Steve: Yes there is nothing like having old timer Coque to come to warm up the crowd before a big race and getting Coque out has certainly warmed this crowd up. Lets remember this race is notorious as being a death trap and it’s not just the track that causes accidents, the crowd love to fire away at the racers. But i'm sure Mianus and Coque are both safe from being shot into today. There have been some driver movements since the last race. Jenny Taylia moves into Mianus and watson herbush takes the number two slot at beaverhousen after being fired from Mianus. The Young Rookie, Bud Plug takes his place in Mianus.
Heidi: Yes Im looking for Bud Plug in Mianus now and I can see Bud Plug there, yes he looks like he’s settling in well into Mianus down there. He certainly set some good times in qualifying finishing in 5th just half a second behind Fock in 4th. Jenny Taylia in 3rd Fonda Dix in 2nd and Howie Feltersnatch in 1st. There is a delay at the start I’ve been told and that’s because Dix has been mobbed by the crowd, several fans of dix jumped on dix as he was making his way to the pits a very well loved G1 racer who is local here.
Steve: Well I think I can see Dix pushing out there and it looks like the security have got the situation under control. I remember my race here in the 3285 season, Ronnie Coxtip told me not to infuriate the crowd here as they don’t like it when outsiders win much. Well I was a lap ahead of everyone and someone in the crowd shot my fuel tank as I went past. Straight through it went into my seat. And I still have that bullet lodged in my…
Heidi: I’ll have to interupt you there Steve as it looks like the race is about to start. The engines are reving up and I can see the lights 1.2.3.4.5 blue lights and they are away… Feltersnatch flys into the first corner followed by Dix, Jenny Taylia there pulling away hard from Fock, and bud plug right in his rear end. some vibration there from bud plug i think he’s just a bit close to Focks ship and some of the oil from the exhaust maybe limiting his vision.
Steve: Yeah I think thats just a lack of experiance there for Bud plug and that lubrication from fock may make Bud plug’s ship just a little harder to handle. Jenny Taylia now trying an overtaking move on Dix as they come into the merry-go-round corner a serious test of yaw and pitch. and a few stray bullets from the crowd there, I think they are trying to pop off Dix, a lot of support here for Jenny Taylia, born and raised here in Archernar. Howie Feltersnatch pulling into the pits here it seems his heat dump has wedged shut.
Heidi: Yes I can see steam escaping from Feltersnatch it must be absolutely roasting in that ship right now. and Jenny Taylia in to the pits behind in Mianus. looks like she has a problem with a crack in the windshield. Yes conformation coming through on the radio that Mianus is venting into space. And an accident in the rear of the field Watson Herbush has crashed into an advertising sign and, Herbush is hanging out of the ship, and the locals loving it firing into Herbush as the race continues now Dix challenging for the 1st place here but still firmly in the number 2 slot. Jenny taylia just behind looking for a way past.
Steve: Oh and that does not sound good i think Bud plug in mianus has something loose I can hear it rattling. Bud Plug deciding to say in there though and some activity going on in the pit lane. Mianus definitely getting ready for Bud Plug and in he comes. well thankfully no accident there with bud plug but I think his race is over and that comes as a relief too many people would have stayed in there too long and thats when serious accidents happen.
Heidi: And with that retirement Arden Long moves up into the points. With Tina **** just behind. **** nice and firm there just waiting for a move. Jiblomy, Drew Peacock things are looking touch and go there for him, he’s into the pitlane and oh my goodness Drew Peacock has skidded into Mianus and there is carnage down there in the pitlane a fire has broken out in Mianus I can see the fire ship pulling up into Mianus garage now and its raging well down there. A whole burning ring of fire around Mianus.
Steve: And thats disaster for Jenny Taylia who was due to pull in for more fuel this lap and I think I can see Jenny Taylia running out of juice yes she’s all dry now and drifting aimlessly as she flys pass the pits. that moves Fock into 3rd Dix in 2nd and Feltersnatch with a huge lead now. But Fock looks like he has a hand on Dix now as they come into the merry-go-round, and Fock around the outside what a pass there and Fock sticks on the engine boost and he’s gone. The crowd booing Fock as he starts to eat into Feltersnatch’s lead
Heidi: Well Fock is closing in on Feltersnatch now as we come to 3 laps to go, its going to be a close one again here, Mianus reporting huge damage from that fire earlier including the loss of Bud Plug’s ship. and there is only a a few seconds between fock and feltersnatch now the crowd are firing all sorts of weapons at Fock as he flies past. And it looks like he has sustained some damage that left flap is hanging off but it doesn’t seem to be affecting his performance as they come into the final lap now, Feltersnatch, Fock, Dix, Arden Long, Tina **** and Harry Setatesties making up the top 6.
Steve: Oh I just saw Fock off there he’s out Fock out and waving at the crowd. I think his ship ran out of coolant definitely some heat issues there, Fock comes out looking very sweaty indeed. and that gets Arden Long into a podium position. Dix is now right behind Feltersnatch who is weaving all over trying to keep Dix behind him, and Dix drops underneath Feltersnatch and rolls pass into first and the crowd look like they are going to riot and It looks as if a few of them are.
Heidi: An outragious manouver there from Dix who leads coming into the last lap from Feltersnatch and Arden Long, Dix has never won at Archernar and neither has any non-imperial for the last 36 years. this is history in the making folks as Dix comes around the final corner and takes the chequered flag… the Crowd are firing at each other now as the security forces move in a war has broken out in the stands. and Dix pulls over and oh my he’s got a Barnard’s star flag out and he’s waving it around thats only going to incite more trouble but I don’t think Dix cares right now. And its back to the studio...Mike Coxsmells there with the results.
Mike: Thank you Heidi another fantastic G1 race there and here are the final results
Fonda Dix 10pts
Howie Feltersnatch 6 pts
Arden Long 4pts
Tina **** 3pts
Harry Setatesties 2pts
Issac Cox 1pt
Well the teams move onto Sol for the next G1 race in the classic race that every team wants to win. That’s all from me, Mike Coxsmells back to you Teddy…
Teddy : Well with the death of Chesty its now over to our new weather and travel reporter Laine Kloseur
Laine: Well thank you teddy well theres been a backlog of traffic building up outside Barnards station as security are checking all ships especially Mianus after the assassination of my predecessor. So I would give yourself plenty of extra time on your journey especially if your flying Mianus they may want to probe around and have a good rummage.
The B14 is closed this week due to heavy space debris. This comes after the Testing period for new pilots in the asteroid belt many pilots were found smashed onto the asteroids and some were even shot to death by the drones they were supposed to be targeting. this years crop of recruits are said to be some of the worse the Elite federation has seen in some years.
in weather news a large storm will move into the Birminghamworld space port later today with high winds and penetrating rain I would remain indoors whilst the storm passes however if your home is penetrated by the rain make for a designated shelter, I was penetrated last year and it wasn’t too bad I just made for the local leisure center where there were a number of people who had been penetrated willing to help.
A freeze warning has been posted for Barnards Station area this is due to the ongoing power problems, residents are advised to wrap up warm. and collect emergency sealed cartons of self heating coco from the station supplies. ooooh I love sucking off a hot one makes me feel all.warm and fuzzy inside. Well thats all from me back to you….Randy…
Randy: Well thats all from News, Goodnight
Teddy: Goodnight………..
Minti2
Deadly, But very fluffy...
Yep been way to long awaiting a fix of , but understandable with the circumstances, good to hear new one on the way, and had a great chuckle with the old one above, man you put some effort into that one, nice job and funny.
OK, its finished I think... the next episode of news is written and ready to record.
Will hopefully have it ready for next week... watch this space.
I will also be hoping to get some itunes reviews at the moment we have 2, 1 5 * thanks Mobius and 1 1 * who didn't like it
All feedback is good..
https://itunes.apple.com/gw/podcast/thargoid-fer-lance--news/id729686452?mt=2
If you haven't heard it before, it is basically a mock news show based in and around Barnard Star Station and is a send up of what we think the news could be like..
Will hopefully have it ready for next week... watch this space.
I will also be hoping to get some itunes reviews at the moment we have 2, 1 5 * thanks Mobius and 1 1 * who didn't like it
All feedback is good..
https://itunes.apple.com/gw/podcast/thargoid-fer-lance--news/id729686452?mt=2
If you haven't heard it before, it is basically a mock news show based in and around Barnard Star Station and is a send up of what we think the news could be like..
Rated and ready to listen to next one.....and who rated it low! Grrr
Or an over abundance of it!!
Professional?? no we are not!!
Teddy Ryde and Randy Berger taken out of cryogenic suspension for more NEWS : I forgot how much fun it is doing this