(1) This is not WoW. There aren't tanks or healers in Elite either, and that's fine.
(2) I think harsh punishment for mistakes is part of this game's character. It's sort of like Dark Souls that way. Dark Souls is rewarding because it is difficult. Now, not everyone agrees that every game should be like this! But in today's market most games do not challenge you like Elite. Wanting Elite to be like more mainstream, easier-for-casuals games is wanting to reduce the diversity of the game market, and that is a bad thing. If you want an easier game, play an easier game -- there are plenty. But don't ruin a part of what makes playing ED a unique experience.
(3) I think casual players really need to think and try to understand where the more hardcore players are coming from. From the hardcore player's point of view, a big part of the reward is that they outwitted a difficult setup. It's like feeling rewarded for climbing mount Everest. Now imagine you are sitting on top of Everest looking out over the world, and this dude comes along and says: "well, this mountain is REALLY unforgiving and much too high, and there is no oxygen up there and radiation and people die sometimes... We should level this mountain to maybe half its height." I think the Everest climber would (a) get annoyed, and (b) respond as follows: "go climb a smaller mountain then, and leave us alone."