Calling all pirates, share your opening pirate spiel with us!
- Thread starter Strangepork
- Start date
Ummm, sorry for the pedantry but I might laugh on account of the spelling. It's usually spelt Cthulhu. More generally, it's not a very piratey sort of stance really, is it?
But each to their own.
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Reminds me of the pathetic sharks
(Bound to 1-6 in macros though very rarely actually used. Done more for sh*ts and giggles.)
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The PIRATE PATTER POEM:
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Please dont be a clown, power your engines down - bring the throttle right down to zero.
Try to keep it cool, dont be a fool - This is not the time to play the hero.
Now here's the plan, I'll make a cargo scan - keep your "Weapons retracted" or things will get worse.
I'll probably take half, I'm not having a laugh - Do you understand this or WILL YOU BE REQUIRING A HEARSE?
So please try to chill out, dont swear, cuss or shout - and you will soon safely be on your way.
Even us thieves have some morals, we dont rest on our laurels - And thanks for choosing Open play.
Other choice barks:
"IF YOU STOP - WE TALK. IF YOU RUN - I SHOOT."
"You are getting ROBBED. Not KILLED. OK?"
"No, I'm NOT in The CODE."
"Congratulations, You have just been robbed by Mississippi Jones. Remember to tell your grand-children some day."
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The PIRATE PATTER POEM:
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Please dont be a clown, power your engines down - bring the throttle right down to zero.
Try to keep it cool, dont be a fool - This is not the time to play the hero.
Now here's the plan, I'll make a cargo scan - keep your "Weapons retracted" or things will get worse.
I'll probably take half, I'm not having a laugh - Do you understand this or WILL YOU BE REQUIRING A HEARSE?
So please try to chill out, dont swear, cuss or shout - and you will soon safely be on your way.
Even us thieves have some morals, we dont rest on our laurels - And thanks for choosing Open play.
Other choice barks:
"IF YOU STOP - WE TALK. IF YOU RUN - I SHOOT."
"You are getting ROBBED. Not KILLED. OK?"
"No, I'm NOT in The CODE."
"Congratulations, You have just been robbed by Mississippi Jones. Remember to tell your grand-children some day."
I like those. A lot.
There's no offense to take, please enjoy my high wake.
Or maybe a more poetic approach
Your threats are as empty as my cargo hold.
I mean, no sense in pirate spiel when you're spieling alone right?
There's no offense to take, please enjoy my high wake.
Or maybe a more poetic approach
Your threats are as empty as my cargo hold.
I mean, no sense in pirate spiel when you're spieling alone right?
Damn you! Where's the cloth? There's coffee all over my joystick now!
I'll be sure to tell someone's grandchildren about that some day
I wish I was a fearsome pirate. Scourge of the Bubble (pretty intimidating title, huh?) But truth be told, I'm rather crap.
In the heat of excitement and andrenaline of an actual player interdiction, it all kind of goes Pete Tong for yours truly.
Example:
Our swashbuckling CMDR MJ spots another CMDR in SC flying Cobra/Asp/T-6 (A CMDR in a T-6 in open? Where?)/etc.
CMDR PuerileGenitalName spots CMDR MJ...and high wakes it! The end. DOH!
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Lets say we get to the successful interdiction part:
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From the tailspin post interdiction - MJ hits his first macro (the "stop -talk/run - i shoot" one)
But he inadvertently hits "2 by 2, hands of Blue, sod Joss Whedon...join the Kumo Crew!" - DOH!
CMDR SomethingAboutNipples then boosts like a demented athlete on steroids, as our intrepid CMDR MJ fumbles about trying to find correct macro, gives up and deploys weapons.
"Cut engines now!" barks MJ's macros - Yippee! I found the right button! I bring up the left control panel and celebrate by targetting his powerplant.
MJ roars 4 pips full thruster boosting after CMDR JennyWartz. Time for another macro to get this thornicator to stop before pulling the trigger:
"Thank you for your cooperation CMDR." DOH!!! Flippin' macros! Computer voice reminds me that the targets frame-shift is detected.
Sod this macros malarkey! Pew-Pew time! Pew pew - hit hit - oh, look he's lost a ring from his shields and then:
"WHOOOSH!!".....target lost. CMDRGenitalNamesAreFunnyHonest successfully high-wakes the hell out of there.
CMDR MJ eases up on the throttle, retracts the hardpoints and ALT-Tabs out of game to look and curse at macros sheet:
"Doh! Testicles! Why didnt I press control and Q for the opener?! Right! That Joss Whedon crap is gone for a start!" COPY/CUT/PASTE...Mumble grumble - boohoo - sob - curse - etc
"I'll never be a good pirate...maybe I should join The Code/ read Hagglebeards tutorial again/Ask the one-eyed David Bowie for tips/ etc" Boohoo - sob - curse - mumble grumble ad infinitum......oh well, back to NPC pirating. Again.
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or Situation B:
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Inderdicts CMDR successfully
Hits the right macro during post-inderdiction tailspineek:!!):
CMDR MJ: "Stop - we talk! Run - I shoot!"
(pause for 10-12 seconds while other CMDR just sits there not moving)
Other CMDR: "No hables Inglis"
CMDR MJ gives up all hope of pilfering for profit and see's an excellent oportunity to brush up on his Spanish!
"Que tal tio! De Donde eres?.." (bla bla horrible pidgeon spanish ensues).
Ends up making a friend but not a profit. But friendship is worth its wait in gold as they say.....ever tried buying A6 thrusters with 'friendship'?
TLDR: FEAR ME............please?
In the heat of excitement and andrenaline of an actual player interdiction, it all kind of goes Pete Tong for yours truly.
Example:
Our swashbuckling CMDR MJ spots another CMDR in SC flying Cobra/Asp/T-6 (A CMDR in a T-6 in open? Where?)/etc.
CMDR PuerileGenitalName spots CMDR MJ...and high wakes it! The end. DOH!
-------------------------------------------------
Lets say we get to the successful interdiction part:
-------------------------------------------------
From the tailspin post interdiction - MJ hits his first macro (the "stop -talk/run - i shoot" one)
But he inadvertently hits "2 by 2, hands of Blue, sod Joss Whedon...join the Kumo Crew!" - DOH!
CMDR SomethingAboutNipples then boosts like a demented athlete on steroids, as our intrepid CMDR MJ fumbles about trying to find correct macro, gives up and deploys weapons.
"Cut engines now!" barks MJ's macros - Yippee! I found the right button! I bring up the left control panel and celebrate by targetting his powerplant.
MJ roars 4 pips full thruster boosting after CMDR JennyWartz. Time for another macro to get this thornicator to stop before pulling the trigger:
"Thank you for your cooperation CMDR." DOH!!! Flippin' macros! Computer voice reminds me that the targets frame-shift is detected.
Sod this macros malarkey! Pew-Pew time! Pew pew - hit hit - oh, look he's lost a ring from his shields and then:
"WHOOOSH!!".....target lost. CMDRGenitalNamesAreFunnyHonest successfully high-wakes the hell out of there.
CMDR MJ eases up on the throttle, retracts the hardpoints and ALT-Tabs out of game to look and curse at macros sheet:
"Doh! Testicles! Why didnt I press control and Q for the opener?! Right! That Joss Whedon crap is gone for a start!" COPY/CUT/PASTE...Mumble grumble - boohoo - sob - curse - etc
"I'll never be a good pirate...maybe I should join The Code/ read Hagglebeards tutorial again/Ask the one-eyed David Bowie for tips/ etc" Boohoo - sob - curse - mumble grumble ad infinitum......oh well, back to NPC pirating. Again.
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or Situation B:
--------------
Inderdicts CMDR successfully
Hits the right macro during post-inderdiction tailspin
eek:!!):CMDR MJ: "Stop - we talk! Run - I shoot!"
(pause for 10-12 seconds while other CMDR just sits there not moving)
Other CMDR: "No hables Inglis"
CMDR MJ gives up all hope of pilfering for profit and see's an excellent oportunity to brush up on his Spanish!
"Que tal tio! De Donde eres?.." (bla bla horrible pidgeon spanish ensues).
Ends up making a friend but not a profit. But friendship is worth its wait in gold as they say.....ever tried buying A6 thrusters with 'friendship'?
TLDR: FEAR ME............please?
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Damn it Ziggy, I'm wearing a white shirt and coffee is all over it >:/
Ziggy Stardust, ruining people's stuff since 11 AM 7th of januari 2016. You're welcome!
All credit goes to the pirate, who's name I forgot darnit, who had me Chesire grinning during that time as well.
All credit goes to the pirate, who's name I forgot darnit, who had me Chesire grinning during that time as well.
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I have to say, I'm somewhat disturbed with this new information that's come to light.
Gluttony - Ambassador and Emissary for the infamous and much feared scourge of the ED galaxy, The Code....is a white-collared corsair??!!
This will not do! Cultivating image and appearance is very important in the world of piracy! You'll need to get the right togs on for some proper buccaneering escapades.
Not to worry, MJ's on the case and hereth be a remedy: http://www.medievalcollectibles.com/c-1399-pirate-clothing.aspx
What you mean The Code don't do Cos-Play?? Consider it: It would do wonders for your public image! True, the intimidation factor might take a nose-dive, but the care-bears will love you! And thats what really counts! Group Hug everybody! Come back to Open, dear traders. The Codes into Cos-Play. And they give out biscuits too. Yay!
Myself, to set an example for you my Dear Fang, shall be going for this somewhat intimidating apparel. (Please try to restrain feelings of jealousy that I've got first dibs on this.
I think you'll agree, even the great Edward Teach would have the excrement cascading down his legs on sighting the Dread Pirate Jones attired in such fearsome garb!)
Fear me - or I'll fire the wrong macro at you!
I don't mind that piracy doesn't pay as well as trading, it shouldn't, if it did, who the hell would be trading? What kind of..oh..right...YOU are that kind, yeah, see, no, piracy is about being the bad guy, being feared and hunted and if you show your face in any system with a real government in it, you're looking at a death sentence, THAT'S why it's fun. That doesn't happen in Elite Dangerous however...
Piracy is as BORING as trading without the profit, that's why I stopped doing it. I sat outside Gorbachev, Earth orbit, killing System Authority vessels until they stopped coming, docked at Gorbachev station, repaired and rearmed, went back outside and...hmm, still no cops around, guess I killed em all, how strange. I would have THOUGHT that blowing away cops over Earth might bring some sort of, I don't know, actual RESPONSE from the Federation Security Forces beyond a handful of Vipers, I mean, it's the freaking HEART OF THE FEDERATION! Sadly, it would appear the Federation is actually broke and can't afford to pay the military to protect their capital system, and can't afford to put their cops in more than crappy little Vipers and can only afford a few of those.
Only that plays out exactly the same EVERYWHERE in the game, there is literally no threat in being a pirate, no governments or police forces or anything of any sort actually comes after you for terrorizing multiple systems, killing hundreds of civilians and cops, nada, nothing, zilch. Sorry, I wanted to be feared and hunted, that's the point of being a pirate after all, and that doesn't happen in Elite Dangerous, so what's the point? I don't get off on ganking newbs, unlike the person below, so that doesn't do anything for me. Real PvP challenges in Elite Dangerous are few and far between, outside of the PvP groups, it really doesn't exist, so...yeah, not fun at all being a pirate, no one cares, the cops and Powers That Be don't give a rat's furry rear end, so I quit doing it, boring as trading is to me. I didn't quit because it doesn't pay well, I quit because there's no damn point to doing it.
I don't recall saying anything about PvP, what I said was your actions, griefing per your own words, drive people away from Open and that's means you are driving away your potential playmates, which is a rather dumb thing to do. I did the piracy bit, so I'm obviously not against PvP, but I can see that processing information isn't your strong suite, that's ok, the world needs cannon fodder as well as generals.
This game is NOT fair, you thinking that tells me all I need to know, you are a...yeah, we all know what you are, I don't need the infraction points.
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You do realize that I'm totally stealing that one. And I'll be macroing in "I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok".
Is he a four smiley face kinda guy Kristov?
Nope, no vulgar language would have been used, but it would definitely be against the forum rules none the less. Spent a few years RPing a Clan Trueborn Loremaster for the BattleTech/MechWarrior games online, I can be extremely rude and insulting without ever using vulgar language, as the Clans view the language as very special, almost holy, and refuse to use vulgar language or even contractions for that reason. Takes a bit but after a while it becomes almost second nature. Even now, 20 years later, I still find myself writing that way, and not just online, I even do it when writing reports and notes at work.
You might be onto something there. If I were to bother to recognize a CMDR name in comms that had somehow (how?) become known for fairness and ethics in pirating (as it is), then maybe we could deal. How would they build and spread a reputation in ED though? However, when some random Joe says "stop or die" I assume he's a murder troll and the safe bet is to boost boost boost boost.
El Dragoon!
Banned
do you mind if i use that quote?
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