22/02/3302
Welcome to day four of the 3302 Nude Lawn Bowls Championships.
Here in lovely Wolfberg on this bright, chilly February day, CMDR My-dog's-got-no-nose-How-does-he-smell-Terrible has slapped the goosebumps from his buttocks and rallied his crew for a fresh game of touch rugby.
This comes somewhat as a surprise to the Morphine Appreciation Society Ladies Auxillary who have decided to play this lawnbowls match for keepsies.
It should be pointed out that when CMDR Agent Sudafed Smith called for an all out war; that Mister Michael Maximus Morpheus himself has been quoted as saying: "Il faut cultiver notre jardin"
Which roughly means: "nothing to see here, move on, move on"
CMDR Lee Harvey Oswald of the Morphine Appreciation Society Ladies Auxillary responded: "We are a group of individual CMDRs acting alone. We are not sanctioned by anyone, despite what you might hear down at Raffles Bar and Grill."
Individual they may be, but alone they are not. The Morphine Appreciation Society Ladies Auxillary has certainly turned up en masse.
And some interesting techniques have been seen here on the green, especially on Day One.
Day one saw many of the Morphine Appreciation Society Ladies Auxillary even bowling overarm, recalling the controversies of Australian cricket in the 70s.
And frankly this commentator hasn't seen so many balls in play since your mother's hen's night.
On being informed of the 14.0% Influence Loss by the Wolfberg & Disctrict Swing Dance Club on day one; a senior Powerplay leader was heard to say:
"hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. ah. haha. ha."
Other commentators who have also wisely stayed out of the controversy have noted "It's like the heady days of 1.3 all over again!"
Day two saw a further punishing loss of 12.2%
And surely this must be pushing the BGS influence cap to it's maximum. Some commentators have suggested that 14.0% might be the absolute limit that the exponent approaches. This would make the day one efforts representative of "every man and his dog" and with day two being just the voting members of the Morphine Appreciation Society Ladies Auxillary.
The jack just seems to disappear under the weight of the bowls within seconds of a fresh play.
However Day three has seen an interesting development.
The influence has dropped by a mere 0.3%.
At this point there is speculation that the Morphine Appreciation Society Ladies Auxillary has paid attention the repeated calls by Mister Michael Maximus Morpheus to
"Keep Calm and Carry On"
Certainly it does seem that numbers of the Morphine Appreciation Society Ladies Auxillary have retired to Raffles Bar and Grill at the south end of the green for a celebratory drink or five.
However BGS experts have pointed out that the outbreak of violent hostilities between the second and third placeholders in the cheap seats on the western grandstand might be slowing play. And traffic reports at both ends of the green do remain in the hunned fiddy two hunned range.
Speaking of the green, there has been much criticism of the levelness of the playing field and indeed one noted team mascot has called for a temporary closure of the grounds while the greensmen can run the rollers across it and put down some fertiliser. There is certainly no shortage of BioWaste here in sunny Wolfberg.
This fresh call by CMDR My-dog's-got-no-nose-How-does-he-smell-Terrible for a full contact scrum may see the Morphine Appreciation Society Ladies Auxillary return from the bar.
In fact it was a full contact scrum and non consensual Tango Dancing on the part of the Wolfberg & Disctrict Swing Dance Club that soiled the green in the beer garden of Raffles Bar and Grill, which set off the whole debacle in the first place.
Meanwhile the debate as to whether Nude Lawns Bowls is a full contact sport rages on unabated.
And that's the wrap up for day four of the 3302 Nude Lawn Bowls Championship.
Let's see what tonight's influence tick brings.
Fly Safe or Deadly as you prefer CMDRs 07
Well the influence tick is IN and we're in Day Five of the 3302 Nude Lawn Bowls Championship.
The fracas in the the cheap seats at the western end of the grandstand has escalated into a full pitch invasion. The Morphine Appreciation Society Ladies Auxillary has played on valiantly but to little effect. Influence drop by only 0.6%.
The pitch invaders were at first thought to be Man U supporters but following the arrests of CMDRs Trotsky, Marx and Lenin, the red T shirts have been identified as communists.
From the commentary box it's hard to make out exactly what's going on as the smoke from the flares that were lit during the pitch invasion is covering the field. Wait. Wait. I can just make out some of the Morphine Appreciation Society Ladies Auxillary by their signature Gold and Blue taffeta headdresses. And they appear to have stopped bowling on the green and are now throwing their boules at the crowd. But they do not appear to be targeting the communists. They seem to be punching on with Lord Fauntleroy's loyal serfs -Domain Real Estate. I can see the red Tshirted communists vomiting in the gutter at the live end of the green. They're drunk!
Completely legless, it looks like the Morphine Appreciation Society Ladies Auxillary have been making trips to Raffles Bar and Grill to buy Samagon - a raw moonshine vodka made in a back room distillery. And they've been pumping it into the Communists as fast as they can. The Communists have gained a full 20% since the start of this 3302 Nude Lawn Bowls Championship.
I can't see this pitch invasion lasting too long as the communists lead the estate agents 7.7 points after just one day.
Traffic remains high at both ends of the pitch, but it has been requested that the dozen or so Gold Card members of the Morphine Appreciation Society Ladies Auxillary refrain from spitting on the homeless biker living out the back or Mr Bo Jingles Shoe Store on their way home.
It is most unseemly.
Well, that's the wrap for day five, now it's back to you on the forums.
Fly safe or deadly as you prefer CMDRs 07.
Welcome back to Day 6 of the 3302 Nude Lawn Bowls Championship.
Many CMDRs have proven to have the attention span of a teenage goldfish, as evidenced by the reduction in noise on the forums and also a significant drop in traffic here in beautiful Wolfberg. Only a hundred odd ships through today, and at least some of those are mere spectators like myself.
It may be that there are fewer lay members of the Morphine Appreciation Society Ladies Auxiliary participating in the Friday pre-work dawn raid. Perhaps the weekend will see a return of some numbers. Certainly the risk of chillblains on exposed parts is less during the middle of these February days, and with many of our competitors still holding down jobs - activity has slowed.
Of course fewer lay members means that there are proportionally more Gold Card members, making their efforts somewhat more effective as there is less confusion about technique.
Today's influence drop for the Wolfberg and dictrict Swing Dance Club is 2.5%
This is a significant movement and may mean that efforts are more coordinated, with the lay members following the lead of the Gold Card members. There are unconfirmed rumours that even members of the board have been seen on the green, but as always Mister Michael Maximus Morpheus himself has said: "Don't you people have homes to go to? We've replaced the soiled rug, and counselled and compensated the young lass who was forced to Tango with half the Wolfberg & District Swing Dance Club. It's over people, go home."
I don't believe he is being heard over the laughter and champagne. Also when he started the speech, the maitre d' of Raffles Bar and Grill was seen to turn up the volume of the background music.
, 2.5% is quite a jump from the previous two days which have seen movements of a mere 0.6%
But nothing like the demolition of the first day.
The fracas in the cheap seats continues: with CMDRs Marx and Engels spending the night in the drunk tank, the rest of the Communists are sobering up as well. Perhaps they are doing that of their own accord, but it is also noted that Raffles Bar and Grill has run out of the cheap home brew vodka. With nothing left on the shelf but Grey Goose, the Communists have hardly been fed ANY vodka and are sitting less than a percent higher than yesterday.
As as they have sobered up, the Communists have joined in with the Morphine Appreciation Society Ladies Auxillary in the melee against Domain Real Estate many of whom have had to be removed from the green on stretchers. Another three percent drop there now sees the Commies with a 15 point lead.
Uh Yaaawn.
Look - it's late I'm tired hardly anyone is reading this I'll finish commenting the minor minor factions when I get up.
Fly Safe or Deadly as is your preference CMDRs 07.
I don't really play solo unless my internet is behaving all poopy.
