The way I see it, the reason people are so afraid of PvP is that their experience from shooters and EVE is that NPCs offer predictable and thus neglectable risk while other players will often enough just show up out of the blue and flat out destroy someone in a second.
What I think a game must do, instead of blindly disallowing PvP, is to give people a real idea of the risk they put themselves in, a meaningful (but fair) way to control that risk, and a proper answer to a negative outcome.
Take one extreme case, FTL. It doesn't have PvP, but it does throw pretty unpredictable risk at the player. So it becomes a way of planning for those risky encounters. It also provides an answer to negative outcome, even if it's a very simple one: Game over, try to get further next time.
In a way, though, I think "you lose, start over" is a better answer than "go back to the last save and pay a fee", even more so than "you fail, respawn". Maybe the less the actual consequence, the more "you lose" just sounds like "you suck".
Then, in EVE, PvP is not quite as harsh as it's made out to be. It's just that EVE is so horribly complicated that it is really bad at teaching you how to actually play it against players, how to avoid fights, and finally, how to deal with the loss of a ship. The latter is maybe the most important one: Always have another one ready! They have ship insurance, but I don't know why they even bother. Usually the modules on a ship are so expensive that the insurance payout doesn't do much. So the penalty for ship loss is really harsh but it doesn't matter unless you can't easily replace it.
So for Elite, outside of Iron Man mode, we have immortal player characters and ship insurance. Still, what we need is for players to
know the risks they take and to teach them that they
will lose their ship. Everything else can only lead to handwaving, fake solutions, and animosity between players.
One word on fair fights, maybe. They say that if you get into a fair fight, you're doing it wrong. That's true from a purely strategic point of view, but maybe it shouldn't always be possible to choose the fight to your advantage. In the last years, "fair matchmaking" has become the norm in computer games, but I've come to think of it as kind of a kludge. After all, matches that are unfair also have benefits beside their drawbacks: They can teach a lot to the loser and, I think this is often overlooked, they give the winner a sense that they are actually
good at the game. So in my opinion, matches should occur within rough "weight classes" of player experience (plain number of wins could be a good indicator), but be allowed to be otherwise at random.
I'll leave it to the designers at Frontier to make anything of the above.
