General / Off-Topic I am currently suffering a major low point, and I don't know what to do.

[Deleted member 110222]

I haven't had a single social interaction, in the physical world, for about a month and a half.

This lack of contact with people is starting to make me go mad.

The problem is, literally everyone I know is now pre-occupied with their relationships. I feel like I've been left in the mud.

I'm 23 years old nearly, and I have never been on so much as a date. Not once.

I blame the fact that I'm on the spectrum. People find out, and run like it's contagious.

Seriously, what do I do? All the mates I do have left, don't speak to me much anymore, because they're busy going out with their partners.

I am well aware of how desperate I sound right now. But then why shouldn't I be? I'm fast approaching a quarter of a century on this earth, and it's looking like I'll be completely single for that whole time.

People say "love yourself, and things will change."

Well I've tried loving myself. Where has it gotten me? In a crippling state of depression, and about ready to snap over how lonely & abandoned I feel.

How on earth does someone with Asperger's like me, meet someone? How?! Every time I try, people run away as soon as they work out I've got this stupid bloody brain that can't process social situations very well.

Everyone I know who is happy, has someone. Sorry, but don't give me this rubbish that you can be happy single while you search. Because you can't. I certainly can't.

I know this is an odd place to express my feelings. But I've got nowhere else. Anywhere else, I get dismissed as a who doesn't know what he's talking about. I'm sick of it.

I just want a chance, but society seems intent on making sure I never get that chance.

Feeling so low right now.

 

[SushiCW]

I probably don't have any useful advice, just wanted to let you know that you're heard, that I care, and that I want to express whatever encouragement I can.

 

[Chris Simon]

Wow, man... That's tough.

How are you and sports? Collective sports are a great way to both socialize and discharge the aggressivity.

I play volleyball. Good sport. You meet new people. And you are obligated to hate half of them (The ones behind the net) and hit things really hard

 

[FuzzySpider]

I'm 23 years old nearly, and I have never been on so much as a date. Not once.

That's not old. It might feel like it is, but it really isn't. It's certainly not too old to get started at looking for someone to share your life with.

How on earth does someone with Asperger's like me, meet someone? How?! Every time I try, people run away as soon as they work out I've got this stupid bloody brain that can't process social situations very well.

What have you tried so far?

Aspergers is not a barrier to finding someone, but it does mean you can't do it in the "vanilla" manner that so many do. If you're doing the usual clubbing/pubbing/friend-of-a-friend type of stuff you're going to be disappointed.

You're unusual, different. Your methods of finding someone must also be a bit unusual. You need to find someone who is comfortable around someone who misjudges social situations and who doesn't mind a guy who is a bit different and quirky. Such women exist in their thousands, you just won't meet them in the normal means and you've got to be prepared to cast your net a bit wider.

 

[rootsrat]

Sorry to hear that

I've been there myself (depression, still not fully recovered; and isolation), so I now how you feel, more or less. What about coming to one of Elite events? Lavecon or EliteMeet?

That way you can meet new people that have the same interests as you and I can tell you there is no friendlier bunch of people than the ones I met at both of those events!

 

[Adept]

Hang in there Un1k0rn.

The best advice I can give you is to stay as far away from the MRA / PUA community as you can. The poison they peddle may be appealing when feeling unwanted, but it is a bitter and self delusional world view.

None of us are entitled to relationships. The best we can do is approach others in the spirit of friendliness and respect. If you have hobbies where you do (or could) meet people, that is a good thing to focus on. Do things you enjoy, and you'll hopefully meet others who enjoy similar stuff.

That is a good way to make friends, and in so doing possible romantic partners as well.

Good luck

 

[Asp Explorer]

Buy a paper, a real physical one, and go for a coffee. Sit down for a bit and enjoy your drink, and sooner or later someone is bound to ask you what technological marvel doesn't need plugged in. Just talk to them for a bit

Even if nobody talks to you, you got to read the paper and enjoy a coffee in the real world

 

[Sir.Tj]

First thing. make an appointment and go and see your Doctor and explain how you feel.

Have a look online for support groups for Asperger's and see if there any local to you.

As roots said, consider one of the Elitemeets, people are very friendly...when you're not a Mod... and you'll find some great people there.

And one last thing, you are not the only person feeling the way you do, Depression can be extremely debilitating but the first step in combating it it to talk about it. so that's step 1 done already.

 

[Tiny_Rick]

How is this not a git gud IRL thread?

All joking aside, it's day to day. My brother and Mom cope with low points. We all have. The absolute right way to cope is to handle it day to day. Dwelling on the past and using it as a measuring stick is bad. Worrying about the future because you are measuring what happened in the past is bad. Assessing your immediate needs, in the moment, to determine how you can make a positive impact today, is good.

Good luck, we've all stretches of time where everything feels like crap. It's knowing that, in the moment, you're better off than what you actually perceive when compared to the rest of the world.

 

[Deleted member 110222]

Hang in there Un1k0rn.

The best advice I can give you is to stay as far away from the MRA / PUA community as you can. The poison they peddle may be appealing when feeling unwanted, but it is a bitter and self delusional world view.

None of us are entitled to relationships. The best we can do is approach others in the spirit of friendliness and respect. If you have hobbies where you do (or could) meet people, that is a good thing to focus on. Do things you enjoy, and you'll hopefully meet others who enjoy similar stuff.

That is a good way to make friends, and in so doing possible romantic partners as well.

Good luck

I know it's not a right. But when everyone else you know has it, you start to resent them.

I won't lie. I'm starting to dislike a lot of people now that I'm losing contact.

I know it's not healthy, but... Look, people say "oh 23 isn't old."

I can assure you it bloody well is when you haven't been on a single date up to that point. Especially when everyone you know has had that experience.

It's utterly debilitating.

 

[Alec Turner]

Hey Un1k0rn ... don't know what to say in response really but, like Sushi, I hear your call for help and am happy to just give you a wave and a hug over the internet.

There's some good advice from TJ - depression is taken seriously these days, tell your GP like you would if you had any other medical problem. If you've got a decent one (and I'll admit that's an if) then they may be able to help, by listening, talking and hopefully putting you in touch with local support groups.

Also - I don't know where in the world you live but you share a love of this dumb game with a LOT of very enthusiastic people. If you can make it to a convention and introduce yourself to the organisers I'm sure you'll find more than enough people happy to sit down for a social (it's all good practice). Hell, if you can make it to Lavecon (in the UK) then I'm going and will gladly sit down for a pint (or several). I'm not looking for a date mind you but it's a start

 

[Pyrotiger]

I'm sorry to hear of your pain.

What you have said is a very typical life experience of those with the Aspergers condition. Understanding relationships is one thing - but actually getting the experience in the first place to do so is another thing.

There are things you can do. However, you need to realise that relationships will not save your life. You will save your life. Why? The why is up to you. There is a lot of hooey about self-love. Self-acceptance and self-knowledge is perhaps a better term.

5% so I'll add more later.

 

[Deleted member 110222]

Hey Un1k0rn ... don't know what to say in response really but, like Sushi, I hear your call for help and am happy to just give you a wave and a hug over the internet.

There's some good advice from TJ - depression is taken seriously these days, tell your GP like you would if you had any other medical problem. If you've got a decent one (and I'll admit that's an if) then they may be able to help, by listening, talking and hopefully putting you in touch with local support groups.

Also - I don't know where in the world you live but you share a love of this dumb game with a LOT of very enthusiastic people. If you can make it to a convention and introduce yourself to the organisers I'm sure you'll find more than enough people happy to sit down for a social (it's all good practice). Hell, if you can make it to Lavecon (in the UK) then I'm going and will gladly sit down for a pint (or several). I'm not looking for a date mind you but it's a start

Where is Lave on, and when? Is there an entry fee? I do indeed live in Britain.

 

[Sir.Tj]

Here you go.

https://laveradio.com/lavecon-2017/

You'll get to meet other Commanders and FD Staff and have a great time.

It's next month so not far away.

But, honestly go and see your Doctor, if you feel you can't, consider calling the Samaritans on 116 123 who will happily help and not only listen but advise you on how to get some help.

http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

 

[Deleted member 110222]

I've got t-shirts I bought at gigs that are older than you



No, no it's not. You are just, for whatever reason known only to yourself, just thinking it is. I'm not an expert by any means, but I can tell you for a surety, that as soon as you experience your first full-contact Irrational Girlfriend Strop Attack (enhanced) you'll look back longingly on these days as when you last had true freedom and a semblance of happiness

Look, you can disagree with me all you like... For me, personally, it is debilitating.

I feel like an outcast.

 

[Chris Simon]

https://www.hwsevents.co.uk/shop-1

edit: T.j is a fluffy ninja.

 

[Alec Turner]

Where is Lave on, and when? Is there an entry fee? I do indeed live in Britain.

It's near Northampton, on 24th-25th June (I'm there both days).

P.S. if you happen to be in London then pm me and I'll drag you out for a pint (if that's your thing) - an actual social interaction!

 

[MikeHawk]

look on the bright side ... your Elite in this forum & probably in game too ... put that on your resume/dating site profile

 

[Yaffle]

Hey Un1k0rn

We're here in a virtual way for you. As Tj said, you can start with you Doctor. My wife has depression and it's been taken seriously by our doctor who has been helpful. There are also Asperger support groups - https://www.actionforaspergers.org/support-groupsevents/ for example who run the odd meeting where you could go and not be judged in the same way most of the world does. Hopefully they can also help you with social interaction too. It's not a barrier to the right person, it's just finding and trusting that person that's the barrier.

 

[FuzzySpider]

I know it's not a right. But when everyone else you know has it, you start to resent them.

I won't lie. I'm starting to dislike a lot of people now that I'm losing contact.

I know it's not healthy, but... Look, people say "oh 23 isn't old."

I can assure you it bloody well is when you haven't been on a single date up to that point. Especially when everyone you know has had that experience.

It's utterly debilitating.

It feels old, but only because you're comparing yourself to other people. You're looking at all the people you know and see them making "progress", some of them even having kids and looking like they're already settling? You look at them and feel left behind, feel like you've got to catch up?

But it's not like that. Everyone is unique. Your life is your own, you're not blazing a trail after others, you're not judged on their standards, and you don't have to be at a certain stage. If you're in some way socially different, you're not playing their game.

Take it from someone who has spent a lot of time talking to psychiatrists, mental illness/disability is no barrier to finding someone. It certainly stops you from doing it the "normal" way, but it might just net you a much better other half than your mates have. There are thousands of singles all over the place, and at 23 you have loads of time.

Hit the docs though, explain about the depression.