General / Off-Topic I am currently suffering a major low point, and I don't know what to do.

[Deleted member 110222]

It feels old, but only because you're comparing yourself to other people. You're looking at all the people you know and see them making "progress", some of them even having kids and looking like they're already settling? You look at them and feel left behind, feel like you've got to catch up?

But it's not like that. Everyone is unique. Your life is your own, you're not blazing a trail after others, you're not judged on their standards, and you don't have to be at a certain stage. If you're in some way socially different, you're not playing their game.

Take it from someone who has spent a lot of time talking to psychiatrists, mental illness/disability is no barrier to finding someone. It certainly stops you from doing it the "normal" way, but it might just net you a much better other half than your mates have. There are thousands of singles all over the place, and at 23 you have loads of time.

Hit the docs though, explain about the depression.

Exactly. My life is my own. With all due respect, I'm sick of being alone.

Do I want to settle? Right now? Not necessarily. But understand. I have NEVER been on a simple date. Never a kiss. Nothing. When EVERYONE around is getting that, and you see how happy they are... Sorry, I'm going to make comparisons, and I want what they have.

Like you said. My life. I just need to work out how I can convince people not to run away just because I'm on the spectrum.

I'm sick of being treated differently.

 

[CMDR Cosmic Spacehead]

Hey Un1k0rn, fret not!

I've been (and kinda still in) in a similar situation, I had ADHD (it's now just ADD, I don't bounce off the walls anymore. Lol), which also shares many traits with aspergers. (I think)

I find it incredibly difficult to make friends and meet new people. I've been that way all my life (I'm 34 now..gah! Old!).

Growing up, I only ever had 1 good friend. We stayed friends right from infant school right up until I moved away, at 17. I'd never had a girlfriend.

When I moved, I found it nearly impossible to find new friends. Everyone seemed alien. It took until I was about 20 to make a new friend.

It was almost 3 years of solitude. Luckily, back then, when I first moved, I'd just discovered the internet.
(Good old dial up!)

I found it much easier to make online friends, than real ones, because I was usually mingling with people similar to myself.
During my "solitude years", I pretty much forgot how to interact with people.

And I'm still terrible at it.

And my ADD is kicking in now, and I'm forgetting my point. Lol

Anyhow, at about your age, I did in fact get my first girlfriend. Surprisingly that lasted two and a bit years. It was a nightmare. But I learned alot about myself.

After that was over, I intentionally wanted to stay single for a few years, until I met my next girlfriend.. 6 months later. Lol

We're still together now. Almost a decade later. (Gah! Feeling really old!)

Anyway, I've really lost my point. (Curse you ADD!)

3 years ago, I moved again, up to Shrewsbury, where I am now, I still haven't made any friends. Again!

Hmm.. anyway.

You never know who you're going to met.

Seek out people similar to yourself, find an activity, (which isn't gaming), to enjoy with other people (I need to take my own advice here!).

Do see a doctor about your depression, it's not healthy.

My biggest, and most important piece of advice, is;
Do not give a rat's bottom about what other people may or may not think of you. If they don't accept who you are, that's they're problem, not yours.

Don't change yourself to please others, it's unsustainable.

IMHO, Most people aren't worth knowing, so it's better to have 1 good friend, than 500 rubbish ones.


I have no idea where you live, but chances are, from the things you post, and your mannerisms on here, I'd get along with you fine.

And I don't get along with anyone, not even my girlfriend half the time.

I've had friends with aspergers, and we generally got on well, we would have got in better if we didn't have completely opposite interests. Lol

Anyhow, if you need a chat, I'm on the foruns nearly all day, so PM me.

CMDR Cosmic Spacehead

Edit:
I should mention, that my girlfriend suffers from anxiety and depression too.
So between me and her, and our insane cat, it's a mad house.

 

[lokvette]

23 your but a pup, but as others have said in all seriousness my first stop would be the doctors, to talk about mental health, and no im not taking the P, depression is real and it effects all of us in some shape or form and the thing with it is your already down in the hole before you look up and see the light way way above you. I've been there and its not a good place to be. Thankfully Im in a good place now but for near on 15 years my life was on hold due to a back problem that lead into a back complication and that came after a long term relationship split.

All I can say is hang in there mate, even try internet dating if your having trouble meeting people in pubs and clubs, hell I met the wife playing SW-KOTOR, now live in Sweden...life has many ups and downs but hopefully with you only being 23 you have a long and happy life in front off you, hope things get better and also remember there are professional people to talk to.

 

[TheAntitheist Crusader]

I haven't had a single social interaction, in the physical world, for about a month and a half.

This lack of contact with people is starting to make me go mad.

The problem is, literally everyone I know is now pre-occupied with their relationships. I feel like I've been left in the mud.

I'm 23 years old nearly, and I have never been on so much as a date. Not once.

I blame the fact that I'm on the spectrum. People find out, and run like it's contagious.

Seriously, what do I do? All the mates I do have left, don't speak to me much anymore, because they're busy going out with their partners.

I am well aware of how desperate I sound right now. But then why shouldn't I be? I'm fast approaching a quarter of a century on this earth, and it's looking like I'll be completely single for that whole time.

People say "love yourself, and things will change."

Well I've tried loving myself. Where has it gotten me? In a crippling state of depression, and about ready to snap over how lonely & abandoned I feel.

How on earth does someone with Asperger's like me, meet someone? How?! Every time I try, people run away as soon as they work out I've got this stupid bloody brain that can't process social situations very well.

Everyone I know who is happy, has someone. Sorry, but don't give me this rubbish that you can be happy single while you search. Because you can't. I certainly can't.

I know this is an odd place to express my feelings. But I've got nowhere else. Anywhere else, I get dismissed as a who doesn't know what he's talking about. I'm sick of it.

I just want a chance, but society seems intent on making sure I never get that chance.

Feeling so low right now.

I have not read any of the other replies yet, but i saw your story and just want to say that you are not alone in the sense of being "different" (i think my story is relevant here), i'm 24, i live with my parents, i have aspergers according to my parents but i can't remember a doctor diagnosing me with it, i have never had a GF or date, i have also never had a job, because i'm very nervous, not lazy, but i feel inadequate, as though i have all these passions and opinions but feel as though as a non tax payer i have no right to express them, though it's never stopped me here, you see i'm confident to talk to you guys here, but in person i'm just terrified, i have a couple of friends but they are moving forward and have plans. I personally doubt that i will ever be a normal person in the sense of work and family, but i was at my lowest point last year, completely void of any positive emotion, it was depression, i'm on medication for that, it works, kind of, so just hang in there, we might not be having the best of lives but we are alive, and could be worse off, i'm grateful of that, and luckily i have my parents, it's embarrassing to rely on them so much, but they have kept me going, i'm lucky to have them, sorry to invade your thread with my own story, i don't mean to compete with you as to who is worse off, but as i'm sure you know it's not easy typiing these words in and i hope my honesty can help you feel less alone.

 

[Deleted member 110222]

23 your but a pup, but as others have said in all seriousness my first stop would be the doctors, to talk about mental health, and no im not taking the P, depression is real and it effects all of us in some shape or form and the thing with it is your already down in the hole before you look up and see the light way way above you. I've been there and its not a good place to be. Thankfully Im in a good place now but for near on 15 years my life was on hold due to a back problem that lead into a back complication and that came after a long term relationship split.

All I can say is hang in there mate, even try internet dating if your having trouble meeting people in pubs and clubs, hell I met the wife playing SW-KOTOR, now live in Sweden...life has many ups and downs but hopefully with you only being 23 you have a long and happy life in front off you, hope things get better and also remember there are professional people to talk to.

Yep. I am trying the Internet. I just can't hack things in places like pubs or clubs. It won't ever work for me.

Not because I don't want it to, but because neurotypicals push me aside. They do not want me in their world.

So I'm looking specifically to meet people with Asperger's now. Only people who don't push me away.

I'm sorry but I have no choice now. I'm sick of not having what everyone around me has, and at this point, I'm now going to fight tooth and nail to get it.

Even if it means I have to go against what my own kin think is best for me. With all due respect, my family are idiots.

So when they find out that I'm trying to connect with people at a distance... Well war is brewing. But I just don't care anymore.

I just want what everyone I know has. Is that do bloody wrong?

 

[Patrick_68000]

Many people who move forward in the age, are satisfied to be alone and to have the peace. This does not prevent social relations with others in public places. The wisdom and the discovery of much truth, is acquired also in the solitude. For the rest, let make the life, the destiny. To force the things is not always beneficial. You can also read books (or if you have the money, participate in sessions) of yoga, Buddhism, relaxation, sophrology etc ... there are many things which can bring a little well being. Regular and intensive sport also. And finally, play ED with moderation because it is necessary to stay on earth, even if the galaxy is wonderful

 

[TheAntitheist Crusader]

Yep. I am trying the Internet. I just can't hack things in places like pubs or clubs. It won't ever work for me.

Not because I don't want it to, but because neurotypicals push me aside. They do not want me in their world.

So I'm looking specifically to meet people with Asperger's now. Only people who don't push me away.

I'm sorry but I have no choice now. I'm sick of not having what everyone around me has, and at this point, I'm now going to fight tooth and nail to get it.

Even if it means I have to go against what my own kin think is best for me. With all due respect, my family are idiots.

So when they find out that I'm trying to connect with people at a distance... Well war is brewing. But I just don't care anymore.

I just want what everyone I know has. Is that do bloody wrong?

My own severe anxiety prevents me from even thinking about dating, internet or not, sure it would be great, but i'm just terrified, as i said earlier though the depression can be somewhat helped by medication, i have been on medication for over a year and a half now. I was never suicidal (just in case people thought so) but it was so bad, numbness, i coujldn't even cry, and i'm usually a very emotional person, i'm better now on that front, but the anxiety still never goes, i tried doctors and therapy but i'm too nervous just talking to them, maybe you would have better luck because i do think what they say can help if used properly.

 

[CMDR Cosmic Spacehead]

Yep. I am trying the Internet. I just can't hack things in places like pubs or clubs. It won't ever work for me.

Not because I don't want it to, but because neurotypicals push me aside. They do not want me in their world.

So I'm looking specifically to meet people with Asperger's now. Only people who don't push me away.

I'm sorry but I have no choice now. I'm sick of not having what everyone around me has, and at this point, I'm now going to fight tooth and nail to get it.

Even if it means I have to go against what my own kin think is best for me. With all due respect, my family are idiots.

So when they find out that I'm trying to connect with people at a distance... Well war is brewing. But I just don't care anymore.

I just want what everyone I know has. Is that do bloody wrong?

Just a word of warning, what you see everyone else having, can be vastly different from what they actually have. Lol

I've seen seemingly "perfect couples" in public, and as soon as one (or both) of them think no one is around, it turns in to a vile screaming match.
(I'm really good at not being noticed, so I've become naturally very nosey!)

Not saying that's what you'll get, but just something to consider.
'Grass is greener' and all that.

I still have days I wish I was single, despite being generally very happy.
Relationships are infinitely harder than being single.

I often see people on motorcycles, on a nice warm day, cutting through the traffic, generally enjoying themselves, and think "I want that, I hate cars!".
Then I see them in the rain, watching people routinely cut them up, all the injuries and deaths that happen, and then I think "nope! I'll stick with my car".

You also don't have to find people specifically with aspergers, just someone who can understand it, that's the key.
I don't have any kind of depression (quite the opposite, I'm like a dumb dog that's always happy lol), but I understand it's not just "not being happy". And you can't tell someone with depression to just "cheer up", because they have no control over it. I know that because of my girlfriend.
And my girlfriend knows that I just can't listen all of the time, she needs to prepare me to listen, by removing distractions. Or bribing me with biscuits.
(I am just a dog, aren't I?)

We're all here for you anyway. We never leave a man (or woman, or whatever) down.

CMDR Cosmic Spacehead

 

[Deleted member 110222]

The biggest problem is how I get shunned. I'm actively excluded because my brain is wired a bit differently.

Some people I've had to deal with, have quite literally said that I don't deserve, or am not allowed, any happiness because of my Asperger's.

Those people make me sick. I'm a bloody human being! It's in our nature to want a bit of intimacy! I'm sorry, but that's just how humans work.

Trust me, I wish Asperger's worked in such a way that it suppressed the individual's desire for intimacy. But it doesn't. It sucks. I would never wish it on anyone. It's a horrible condition.

But I have no shame in saying that I want what other people have. I'm only human, just like them.

- - - Updated - - -

Just a word of warning, what you see everyone else having, can be vastly different from what they actually have. Lol

I've seen seemingly "perfect couples" in public, and as soon as one (or both) of them think no one is around, it turns in to a vile screaming match.
(I'm really good at not being noticed, so I've become naturally very nosey!)

Not saying that's what you'll get, but just something to consider.
'Grass is greener' and all that.

I still have days I wish I was single, despite being generally very happy.
Relationships are infinitely harder than being single.

I often see people on motorcycles, on a nice warm day, cutting through the traffic, generally enjoying themselves, and think "I want that, I hate cars!".
Then I see them in the rain, watching people routinely cut them up, all the injuries and deaths that happen, and then I think "nope! I'll stick with my car".

You also don't have to find people specifically with aspergers, just someone who can understand it, that's the key.
I don't have any kind of depression (quite the opposite, I'm like a dumb dog that's always happy lol), but I understand it's not just "not being happy". And you can't tell someone with depression to just "cheer up", because they have no control over it. I know that because of my girlfriend.
And my girlfriend knows that I just can't listen all of the time, she needs to prepare me to listen, by removing distractions. Or bribing me with biscuits.
(I am just a dog, aren't I?)

We're all here for you anyway. We never leave a man (or woman, or whatever) down.

CMDR Cosmic Spacehead

Anything is better than the deafening silence that is my life.

Try living a month and a half where nobody talks to you.

 

[Cula-Ta]

Hi there friend,

I've been low like you, it's tough, but the important thing is you can get through it.

Others have stated 23 is young and their right. I married at 40 and now have 2 young girls.

I did a quick internet search and found an Asperger's dating website, actually there are a few. There is absolutely no negative stigma using dating websites these days. You may as well use a little bit of science to help you find THE ONE!

Chin up mate and if you EVER need anyone to talk to I would be delighted to help.

I live in Ireland, but that's no barrier these days man.

 

[Patrick_68000]

Just a word of warning, what you see everyone else having, can be vastly different from what they actually have...

Yes the life is an immense comedy. The reality of the things that we see is very often not the reality. Do not let appearances shape our perception of things

 

[Pyrotiger]

Yep. I am trying the Internet. I just can't hack things in places like pubs or clubs. It won't ever work for me.

Not because I don't want it to, but because neurotypicals push me aside. They do not want me in their world.

So I'm looking specifically to meet people with Asperger's now. Only people who don't push me away.

I'm sorry but I have no choice now. I'm sick of not having what everyone around me has, and at this point, I'm now going to fight tooth and nail to get it.

Even if it means I have to go against what my own kin think is best for me. With all due respect, my family are idiots.

So when they find out that I'm trying to connect with people at a distance... Well war is brewing. But I just don't care anymore.

I just want what everyone I know has. Is that do bloody wrong?

Well, I would caution against an 'us and them' situation. To say the world is the place of 'neurotypicals' isn't entirely true. What is a neurotypical but another easy-to-apply label anyway? Bitterness stinks. Bitterness would put off a decent date far more than a condition would. We're all people and we all live and die. That transcendes any condition.

If you think you want to fight 'tooth and nail', well, it depends on many things - how and what exactly you want (is it what you think you want? We all are very good at fooling ourselves - if you don't fool yourself the odd time, you're a better man than I). However, coming from a place of desperation isn't exactly a good start. If you are looking for a relationship with an autistic woman, well it's tricky because many autistic women have developed much better coping skills, there are more men than women with autism (although diagnosing women is actually more difficult, so the figures are, in my opinion, a little skewed), and many autistic women would not actually want a relationship with an autistic man as understanding is one thing, but it might not actually help them with social difficulties, and might entail they actually have to 'prop them up', which is not that appealing to many with autism.

In short, giving up on the NT section of society is dramatically increasing your odds of not getting a relationship at all. You share the same Earth as these lesser beings! I'm not saying you 'should' do this or do that, I'm suggesting not to write off anything

 

[Zetta]

As a slight aside it's Mental Health Awareness Week

I want to echo the advice of seeking professional help, far better to address it early on rather than suffer in silence and allow it to grow into something more problematic.

 

[Patrick_68000]

Try living a month and a half where nobody talks to you.

You are not the only one, there are tens of millions who do not talk to anyone. And many others people talk to others by automatism. Without envy, without sincerity, without interest and also without listening

 

[Pyrotiger]

As a slight aside it's Mental Health Awareness Week

I want to echo the advice of seeking professional help, far better to address it early on rather than suffer in silence and allow it to grow into something more problematic.

I would qualify it by saying 'good professional help'.

- - - Updated - - -

Yes the life is an immense comedy. The reality of the things that we see is very often not the reality. Do not let appearances shape our perception of things

I like this

Perceptions are based on the senses. As anyone who has had a breakdown or partaken in mushrooms of a magic nature will tell you, perceptions can be fooled. It probably happens more often to ourselves than we are comfortable admitting to ourselves. Apologies if I'm getting too 'art school' here.

 

[Macros Black]

Can't imagine how you feel, CMDR. As other have said, seek professional help asap.

Feel better soon.

 

[Minonian]

skip

Don't ask me. I was struggled and still struggling with the same problem. We just the guys left in the side of the road. And also? The ones are not really interested in other peoples but still feel the need, of social interactions.

About girls? Hehh... If you are in good psychical shape you can get them easier than the most, considering our smarts, and the ability, to look into them you just need to know how actively use it. For my part haven't brothered myself with this. Other people when i'm not in the mood next to insufferable to me, and i guess to you also right?

Git the girl for a night? Easier to do if you know how, which one in the mood for this? For my part as a real disco rat and dancer i think the answer is oblivious how i did it. Let's just say as one of my girl acquaintance said to dance with me is just like foreplay. (and this wasn't a figure of speech, but you can take it literally) Where you fit in, how you get friends, and love? That's depends on your socializing nature, but i suggest to listen TJ and go to the meeting. The point is? Get out and do something in places where you meet people, with common interest. To us a little interaction is enough to fulfill our social needs, and also? We cannot even really take more than this.

Where we really screwed in the matters of love? Girls not really coming after us, or anyone else, and we are not the kind of people to brother ourselves to go after others.
So unless, we find someone who understand us, and have the patience to tolerate our strangeness, and moods? We are usually the ones whom left to live alone.

 

[Cula-Ta]

Oh by the way Un1KOrn,

Have you seen your reputation rating on here? It's the dotted Green Bar beside the part that's says ELITE!

That must mean a lot of people have agreed with you and like what you say over the years. Pretty amazing stuff!

 

[Deleted member 110222]

Look, it's getting bad.

Im terrified these days. I just want someone to talk to. Someone who I can develop a deep, intimate relationship with. Of the intellectual kind. Don't think for a moment I'm after something cheap and physical. If I wanted that, I'd have used money to get it long ago.

No. I just want the chance to have someone consider me their favourite person. Right now, nobody considers me that. Not one. It hurts me greatly.

I'm on my last tether. I'm really struggling. I worry... I'm really scared guys.

The silence that is my life is killing me.

 

[Minonian]

Can't imagine how you feel, CMDR. As other have said, seek professional help asap.

Feel better soon.

+1! I'm maybe cool with myself, but he is not. To fold in to his snail shell possibly the worst thing he can do.