General / Off-Topic Job interviews

[Ian Skippy]

I hate them. Just had one the other day, thought it may make some people chuckle. I made it through the first round, then passed some tests and had to appear in front of a committee. Things went okay, relaxed vibes and all. Then at the end the HR manager who joined in asked me what my 'ideal dream job' would be. Now I know he wants me to describe a job that is kinda like the one I am applying for, but slightly better, so I show I am both ambitious and sincerely interested/motivated. But it is such a daft and transparant question I have difficulty staying professional. Things kinda went off the rail fast.

Me: "My dream job? Being a violin player in a spaceship."
HRM:"Err, that seems... difficult to accomplish?"
Me:"Yes, especially when you dont play the violin."

*laughter from the committee, HR manager is silent for a bit*

HRM:"Well, err, okay, but I guess you wont be able to accomplish that goal then?"
Me:"That seems likely, that is why I am here instead."
HRM: "..."

Ah well, better luck next time.

 

[jasonbarron]

I hate them. Just had one the other day, thought it may make some people chuckle. I made it through the first round, then passed some tests and had to appear in front of a committee. Things went okay, relaxed vibes and all. Then at the end the HR manager who joined in asked me what my 'ideal dream job' would be. Now I know he wants me to describe a job that is kinda like the one I am applying for, but slightly better, so I show I am both ambitious and sincerely interested/motivated. But it is such a daft and transparant question I have difficulty staying professional. Things kinda went off the rail fast.

Me: "My dream job? Being a violin player in a spaceship."
HRM:"Err, that seems... difficult to accomplish?"
Me:"Yes, especially when you dont play the violin."

*laughter from the committee, HR manager is silent for a bit*

HRM:"Well, err, okay, but I guess you wont be able to accomplish that goal then?"
Me:"That seems likely, that is why I am here instead."
HRM: "..."

Ah well, better luck next time.

Yeah, I got a chuckle out of that. You should have told him your dream job was to some day become a grid girl.

 

[metatheurgist]

Yeah, the whole "standard questions" for job interviews thing is moronic. It's just a stupid dance. They should try hiring people based on their qualifications. Maybe do a psych profile if you really need to. I guess this is pertinent to ED though, everyone needs to do things they think are dumb or don't want to do to get the things they want.

 

[Ian Skippy]

Yeah, I got a chuckle out of that. You should have told him your dream job was to some day become a grid girl.

If my next interview is for a position in academia, they might offer support if I tried.

Yeah, the whole "standard questions" for job interviews thing is moronic. It's just a stupid dance. They should try hiring people based on their qualifications. Maybe do a psych profile if you really need to. I guess this is pertinent to ED though, everyone needs to do things they think are dumb or don't want to do to get the things they want.

I once had to do that ages ago. They told me my personality was too orange, and they needed more green. My girlfriend was once shown a page with a 4x4 grid with pictures of 16 different types of dogs. The question was: check the type of dog that best describes you.

 

[jasonbarron]

If my next interview is for a position in academia, they might offer support if I tried.



I once had to do that ages ago. They told me my personality was too orange, and they needed more green. My girlfriend was once shown a page with a 4x4 grid with pictures of 16 different types of dogs. The question was: check the type of dog that best describes you.

What type of dog did she pick?

 

[starman]

HR Managers are idiots.

A dream job is just that a 'Dream'. Is being a HR Manager there dream job?

In any case if the committee wanted to hire you they would have done regardless of HR. Like in relationships better to know what you are dealing with. It a 2 way street . They also have to impress you.

Companies hire based on whether you have some industrial knowledge they want.

Many company are not really hiring and do interviews to pass the time.

They give all candidate a piece of code then job done.

Have you considered startups?

Also do HR mangers think a persons only path to fulfillment to doing a job for there company? If Neil Armstrong had told them his dream job was to be a astronaut nd go to the moon . They would still have said its unlikely. Don't know if he played the violin.

You can be President or PM without any previous experience but cant sweep the floor.

I am also it the current Job seeking process. Try the jobcentre to find where more idiots work.

A recruitment agency thought I was another recruiter ring to poach there 'vacancy'. They are clueless. They just want to rip your CV of previous companies to contact.

 

[Patrick_68000]

Personally I refuse this kind of masquerade. The tests and the passage in front of a committee and an idiot of HR manager. I give them a big laugh and I leave without closing the door and without saying goodbye

 

[verminstar]

I remember well the job 'interviews' we used to hold...we would take them up in the cherry picker 130 feet straight up, and then drive while it was extended to see if they could handle the fear factor. Most just sank to their knees begging us to take them down again, interview over yer useless doors that way. Thats how things were back then, we needed guys who could handle that sorta thing on a daily basis otherwise we waste money training a bunch of mummys boys.

Unlike many other companies, the senior hands...guys like me who had over ten years experience in the job...we had the final say over who got hired and fired. We didnt have the authority to do the actual deed, but our recommendations were a requirement after a few mishaps when our esteemed managers used to hire guys who looked good on paper and proved absolutely abysmal in practice.

I remember one manager who claimed what we did was easy and any trained monkey could do it...so we took him up once when we were working on craigavon bridge in Londonderry doin a cleanup job. Wind was 20 mph on the ground but as anyone who works at height can tell ye, 20mph aint gonna feel like a gentle breeze when ye up 130 feet. Was so funny that day, he came down with his trousers all wet at the front after he peed himself and wailing like a little girl...he never spoke to us again.

Managers? pff...waste of space they do their thing, we do ours ^

 

[starman]

This do u actually pick cherrys?

 

[Ca$hback]

Do you work hard?
Do you call in sick?
Do you need your cell phone?
Are you a whiner?
Are you willing to pay your dues for a couple years like everyone else?
Keep in mind, for the first three months, if we don't like ya, we'll fire ya. We don't need an excuse.
Is there anything you'd like to tell us before we run a background check?
Welcome aboard!

 

[verminstar]

This do u actually pick cherrys?


http://boomliftscissorlift.net/wp-content/uploads/cherrypicker1.jpg

Yeah that lol...I was a high level window cleaner fer 19 years...we did all commercial and government health contracts fer hospitals. That which ye posted is a small to medium boom, handy fer getting into awkward places and over ledges. We didnt own them, just hired them...did a lotta other types of work too before health and safety destroyed the entire industry years ago and made it virtually impossible to make good money at with their silly laws and rules. We got around those rules by having verbal agreements with the clients to turn a blind eye because to have stuck to the rules would have meant much higher cost to the client.

They left us alone fer years until some moron went into work with a hangover and didnt strap his harness in...guy overextended the basket and it went over and he fell straight down 80feet and landed on a renault clio...dead and his own fault. Health and safety gutted the industry after that, half the companies I knew from years ago went outta business, hundreds of guys sacked or having to work 50 and 60 hour weeks just to make a decent wage. Used to make big money in that job...now not so much gotta work harder fer less...but at least yer safely wrapped up in cotton wool and wont even stub a toe, bless their little cotton socks ^

M8 of mine works in Belfast in a 9 story building...he says they keep the blinds closed all day because the windows are absolutely filthy and it really does look bad. Unfortunately getting them cleaned has become so expensive, its just not worth doing anymore...near 6 times more than it used to cost when we used to just climb out onto the ledges with a bucket we had strapped to our waist. Wearing harnesses of course...we werent stupid after all but that was what we called bread n butter work...easy, impressed the girls and well paid...and we get to work more or less inside all day ^

 

[starman]

Is this the interview?

[video=youtube;UQ8jkZQxyjA]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQ8jkZQxyjA[/video]

 

[Alien]

The last job interview I had, I had already gone through an application form, a concentration test, a group interview session and then the 1-on-1 interview (well, me and two interviewers) and they did not once ask to see my CV or qualifications, they were chatting to me to gauge my personality as the job involved working with the public, so an ability to gel with strangers straight away as what was most important to them. It was one of the best interviews I've ever had and I knew I'd got the job (but obviously they didn't tell me there and then, I just "knew").

I'm now waiting to go back to the same job (it's seasonal and we get laid off during the winter, I don't mind) and I can't wait, I love the job.

 

[verminstar]

Is this the interview?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQ8jkZQxyjA

Ooh now that height puckers my old flabby cheeks up but ye, thats more or less a perfect interview. Its not just about having the balls to do it, its about enjoying it and being able to keep a level head if things do go south...the more nervous ye are, the more chance of making a mistake. Fear is all in the mind...its easy as kids messing around on monkey bars on the ground, just higher up...once ye remove the height factor, ye remove the fear which is why ye have to face the fear...closing yer eyes doesnt make it go away, just means ye cant see it...two different things.

One the few benefits of being genuinely disabled now is I dont have to worry about finding a new career when all I know and trained for was before health and safety rules...Id fear the dentist chair more than Id fear whats in that vid...Id actually pay to be in that vid ^

 

[lysan]

I hate them. Just had one the other day, thought it may make some people chuckle. I made it through the first round, then passed some tests and had to appear in front of a committee. Things went okay, relaxed vibes and all. Then at the end the HR manager who joined in asked me what my 'ideal dream job' would be. Now I know he wants me to describe a job that is kinda like the one I am applying for, but slightly better, so I show I am both ambitious and sincerely interested/motivated. But it is such a daft and transparant question I have difficulty staying professional. Things kinda went off the rail fast.

Me: "My dream job? Being a violin player in a spaceship."
HRM:"Err, that seems... difficult to accomplish?"
Me:"Yes, especially when you dont play the violin."

*laughter from the committee, HR manager is silent for a bit*

HRM:"Well, err, okay, but I guess you wont be able to accomplish that goal then?"
Me:"That seems likely, that is why I am here instead."
HRM: "..."

Ah well, better luck next time.

LMAO! i would hire you on the spot! you see people don't have humor anymore, and I work in a very large corporation, they would not hire me now if I was going to apply that's for sure LOL!

 

[lysan]

Do you work hard?
Do you call in sick?
Do you need your cell phone?
Are you a whiner?
Are you willing to pay your dues for a couple years like everyone else?
Keep in mind, for the first three months, if we don't like ya, we'll fire ya. We don't need an excuse.
Is there anything you'd like to tell us before we run a background check?
Welcome aboard!

Well I always ask how they leave their room, messy bed and so on. Shows alot about a person's character.
I know you were trying to be funny

 

[Ca$hback]

Well I always ask how they leave their room, messy bed and so on. Shows alot about a person's character.
I know you were trying to be funny

Not exactly funny. Fed up and direct.
If I ask you a bunch of fake template questions, I expect you to be ready with fake template answers.
Then we're back at square one. If my directness rubs you the wrong way, you won't be very happy here.
If I'm asking you questions about what I want to know, like your character, I can determine if you're a smiler or not.
Smilers are dishonest. They always tell people what they think they want to hear, they always have an excuse, they're oblivious to other people having to pick up their slack. They have a victim mentality if you try to reprimand them. They deflect. They avoid confrontation. They're opportunistic. Being too eager to please is a sign that you have little to offer. I won't inflict that on my coworkers if I can help it.
You need to get a sense of a person.

 

[Jezzah]

I hate them. Just had one the other day, thought it may make some people chuckle. I made it through the first round, then passed some tests and had to appear in front of a committee. Things went okay, relaxed vibes and all. Then at the end the HR manager who joined in asked me what my 'ideal dream job' would be. Now I know he wants me to describe a job that is kinda like the one I am applying for, but slightly better, so I show I am both ambitious and sincerely interested/motivated. But it is such a daft and transparant question I have difficulty staying professional. Things kinda went off the rail fast.

Me: "My dream job? Being a violin player in a spaceship."
HRM:"Err, that seems... difficult to accomplish?"
Me:"Yes, especially when you dont play the violin."

*laughter from the committee, HR manager is silent for a bit*

HRM:"Well, err, okay, but I guess you wont be able to accomplish that goal then?"
Me:"That seems likely, that is why I am here instead."
HRM: "..."

Ah well, better luck next time.

Love this. Gave me a chuckle this morning mate. I'd have hired you for humour morale alone.

 

[Zetta]

Not exactly funny. Fed up and direct.
If I ask you a bunch of fake template questions, I expect you to be ready with fake template answers.
Then we're back at square one. If my directness rubs you the wrong way, you won't be very happy here.
If I'm asking you questions about what I want to know, like your character, I can determine if you're a smiler or not.
Smilers are dishonest. They always tell people what they think they want to hear, they always have an excuse, they're oblivious to other people having to pick up their slack. They have a victim mentality if you try to reprimand them. They deflect. They avoid confrontation. They're opportunistic. Being too eager to please is a sign that you have little to offer. I won't inflict that on my coworkers if I can help it.
You need to get a sense of a person.

But how are you going to get a sense of a person if you're applying that amount of bias and those sorts of generalisations? On the whole people are individual, saying that all ginger people are lazy would be awful. Look at that anti-smiler list: dishonest, victims, excusers, slackers, deflectors, ant-confrontationists, opportunists, too eager to please. No offence but that says more about you than it does about smilers.

 

[Ian Skippy]

But how are you going to get a sense of a person if you're applying that amount of bias and those sorts of generalisations? On the whole people are individual, saying that all ginger people are lazy would be awful. Look at that anti-smiler list: dishonest, victims, excusers, slackers, deflectors, ant-confrontationists, opportunists, too eager to please. No offence but that says more about you than it does about smilers.

I think he defines 'smilers' as people who do the above, not that people who smile do the above. If not, I do tend to smile a lot...