You all demand this one perfect title. It simply does not exist. Here in germany we have a word for it: "eierlegende Wollmilchsau" (Would apreciate any help if there's a comparable metaphore to that word in english)
Ah, the Germans... car engineers extraordinaire, impeccable construction standards, and brilliant turns of phrase - thses forums are one of my guilty shaudenfreude-esque pleasures. But, no... there is nothing that elegantly translates. More crudely, however may I introduce you to the elusive Shmoo...
https://goo.gl/images/zkqmFd
They reproduce asexually and are incredibly prolific, multiplying exponentially faster than rabbits. They require no sustenance other than air. Shmoos are delicious to eat, and are eager to be eaten. If a human looks at one hungrily, it will happily immolate itself—either by jumping into a frying pan, after which they taste like chicken, or into a broiling pan, after which they taste like steak. When roasted they taste like pork, and when baked they taste like catfish. (Raw, they taste like oysters on the half-shell.)
They also produce eggs (neatly packaged), milk (bottled, grade-A), and butter—no churning required. Their pelts make perfect bootleather or house timber, depending on how thick one slices it. They have no bones, so there's absolutely no waste. Their eyes make the best suspender buttons, and their whiskers make perfect toothpicks. In short, they are simply the perfect ideal of a subsistence agricultural herd animal.
Naturally gentle, they require minimal care, and are ideal playmates for young children. The frolicking of shmoon is so entertaining (such as their staged "shmoosical comedies") that people no longer feel the need to watch television or go to the movies.
Some of the more tasty varieties of shmoo are more difficult to catch. Usually shmoo hunters, now a sport in some parts of the country, utilize a paper bag, flashlight and stick to capture their shmoos. At night the light stuns them, then they can be whacked in the head with the stick and put in the bag for frying up later on. (Wikipedia)
Is that the game everyone was 'promised'? The Shmoo of all space sims?
Last edited: