Community Event / Creation Elite Dangerous: Space Men

JeffRyan

JeffRyan
So the Space Men were in Space long long ago. Before life had properly evolved into the so-called 'higher forms' on Earth. Before the Thargoids had even tharged. They're that old.

Of course that meant that long before human beings had evolved they'd built great Dark Matter Empires and seen them fall and had long ago reached Infinite Wisdom. Which pretty much said to them 'Do what you want, just don't bug anybody else'. And that's just what they did.

Being made from Dark Matter of course it meant that they could see the Light Matter half of the Universe. But the Light Matter half of the Universe couldn't see them. They were long past frustration at this point and had decided just to enjoy it.

So they flitted round the galaxy seeing what was there and generally having a good time.

It was a while before they realised that Human Beings were anything close to intelligent. They thought Apollo 11 was some random act and it wasn't until Apollo 13 that they realised that the Human Beings were delibrately trying to hit that small rock around their planet on purpose. That's when they started paying attention and helped the boys on that ship get home. The whole thing was endlessly amusing.

Having Infinite Wisdom it didn't take them long to figure out our language. And they then spent a long time (which is no time to them) trying to get Us to understand Them. They almost gave up the whole enterprise after one of our wars, but pity was a driving factor and they kept at it. More as a pet project.

Eventually there were a few successes, but after they all ended up in mental institutions they gave up for a while.

Until one day, they all heard, 'Heya guys, I'm Commander Jameson.'

And so they started talking to CJ and told him about their history and he told them about ours, which of course they already knew. But they were polite about it. When you have Infinite Wisdom you know not to tick people off for no good reason.

But that's how we learned about them. Jameson started telling folks in space bars in Coriolis Stations all around the galaxy and the legend of the Space Men took off.
 
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Voyager_NL

Voyager_NL
Nice! Keep it coming. (if you plan to write more about this.)

I'm in the middle of the Mars trillogy by KSR but it doesn't even strike me as similar, that's a good thing by the way.
 

JeffRyan

JeffRyan
Voyager_NL said:
Nice! Keep it coming. (if you plan to write more about this.)

I'm in the middle of the Mars trillogy by KSR but it doesn't even strike me as similar, that's a good thing by the way.
Click to expand...

I plan to if I get some good ideas for short stories. And after a couple when people catch the tone I'd welcome others contributing. The concept is more or less what I stole, invisible men, I just made them invisible in a different way. And the stories can be as epic or silly as the situation demands. They're pretty liberating and because they're legends and not in anyway true, you can do what you like with them.
 

JeffRyan

JeffRyan
*Here's another one so you get the idea...*

How Jameson Really Ended the First Thargoid War

Now for a long time some of the Space Men hung out with Jameson during his various adventures. They could never entirely approve of his killing and the idea of an Elite Combat Rating made no sense to Them. 'So it's like one of those games, and you get points for knocking a whole entire living consciousness out of existence?' They didn't approve, but they let him away with it because he was Jameson and really the only Human Being they could talk to. With Infinite Wisdom they realised that he would have done it anyway.

But the Thargoid War really got on their goat. They watched it and didn't approve. Of course at this time they thought Jameson was the only one who could talk to Them even if he couldn't see Them.
'Why you killing them?' they asked him.
'Well, they're trying to kill me!'
'Only because you're trying to kill them.'
'They started it!'
'Don't be a child CJ. What if we told them to stop killing you?'
They didn't really wait for a reply and flitted as Space Men do down to the Thargoid Homeworld.
'Hey Queenie!'
'What?'
'You can hear us?'
'Sure.'
'Excellent we want you to quit killing the humans.'
'Or?'
'Or nothing, it's just got quite silly. Total waste.'
'I agree,' said the Thargoid Queen. 'But I wasn't sure how to stop it.'

And so she stopped it.

Jameson didn't find out for years that they'd stopped it because of him.
 
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JeffRyan

JeffRyan
The Space Man and the Energy Bomb

So one day Peter Jameson was surrounded. It was a fairly common occurrence for him, he fired. A krait exploded. He spun round a hundred and eighty degrees and fired again. Another krait exploded. But his shields were still taking a beating and his energy banks were getting drained. He growled as he hit the activation button. The Energy Bomb went off and ten more ships went up. 'Haha!' said the Space Man who was outside at the time. 'What?' asked Jameson. His brow furrowed in counting the number of pirate kills he'd need to replace that energy bomb. 'That tickled,' said the Space Man.
 

JeffRyan

JeffRyan
The Space Men and the Scientists of Achenar

The Scientists of Achenar have a big research complex outside the capital city. And for years and years they've experimented with Dark Matter and Dark Energy. A few years back they were trying to seperate the Dark Matter from the space-time-stuff around it and of course the Space Men were really interested in seeing how they progressed. 'Think they'll do it?' asked one. The others laughed, 'Not even close, but lets watch.' And so, they watched.

The Scientists of Achenar fired up their big Dark Matter Seperator and waited. The lights dimmed and nothing happened. The Space Men watched with baited breathe. 'It's not going to work, but it's making me itch though'. 'Me too,' said all the others in a chorus. 'Look at their faces,' said the first. 'You can't help but feeling sorry for them.' He took out his breakfast and walked over to the big plate where the Dark Matter was suppose to appear and placed his breakfast on it.

The faces of the Scientists of Achenar all lit up, one cried, 'Success!' And the others all cheered and clapped each other on the back. The Space Men cheered with them. 'They're so nice when they're happy.'

And they were, until they tried the experiment again. And it didn't work. The Space Man wasn't going to give them his lunch too.
 
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JeffRyan

JeffRyan
The Space Men and the Birth of the Alliance

Human Space is a mess. There was a time it was even more of a mess than it is now. It was long after Peter Jameson died, there was peace with the Thargoids. So of course mankind turned on itself. Revolutions, wars, the usual. The Space Men shook their heads in dismay, but what could they do about it? They'd had little luck speaking with other people after Peter Jameson died so the sort of just watched. The odd attempt at finding someone to talk to of course, but nothing ever came of it. And so it went on for years and years with the Space Men even with their Infinite Wisdom at a loss as to what the hell to do with humanity. They liked them and because of Jameson had a soft-spot for them. The answer of course, came from Jameson. 'Heya guys!' The Space Men were flabbergasted.

'CJ!' They always called him CJ, for a long time they thought Commander had been his first name. There's a thing with English that even with Infinite Wisdom they didn't quite get the human love of titles. 'You're back from the dead?' 'Sure,' he replied. 'I was getting lonely and a little worried about this mess up here, so I asked for a reprieve.' 'Great to hear you again!' The Space Men were all excited. 'Anything for you old pal. Any ideas how we can give a hand.' 'Just talk to them,' said Jameson. 'We've tried that,' sighed the Space Men. 'Doesn't work.' Jameson laughed, 'You told me before that it worked, just people didn't believe you or others didn't believe them. Just try talking to them and don't explain, let them think it's themselves that's doing the talking, be like a...' Jameson grinned, 'A Spirit Guide.' The Space Men laughed, 'Great, like you!' Jameson nodded.

And so the Space Men flitted off and started talking to people, even if the human beings didn't know what they were listening to and doing their best to help. The were there on Alioth and a lot of the other worlds. And gave advice and calmed tempers eventually and that's what gave rise to the Alliance. All because of the Space Men. Jameson of course back where he came from keeping an eye out and just shook his head, 'That wasn't what I meant...'
 
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JeffRyan

JeffRyan
The Space Men and the Dark Matter Space Ship

The Space Men's usual mode of travel is flitting. They flit here, they flit there. They sort of flit everywhere. It's due to their unique makeup and their incredibly advanced scientific understanding that allows them to flit. That and dark energy which is behind the whole flitting science.

However after having watched humanity for years and years and years, they grew curious for the first time in billions of years about space ships. And watching Jameson flying around having the most fantastic adventures in his one of them, one day, decided to build a Dark Matter Space Ship.

It had to be built of Dark Matter you see, because they themselves are Dark Matter and they can interact with Light Matter like ours, but it's a bit awkward for them.

So the Space Man built his Dark Matter Space Ship and shot off from Earth into Dark Matter HyperSpace and started flying around having the most awesome and epic adventures. Sometimes other Space Men would come and visit him in his Dark Matter Space Ship. And sometimes he'd fly it alongside Jameson in his adventures.

Still, every Dark SunDay, he flitted home for lunch with his Space Man Mum.
 

Rog

Rog
Hey Jeff, these are great.

Can't believe this is the first time I've seen the thread: guess using 'new posts' all the time leaves undiscovered nuggets among the umpty-gazillion threads per day now on (insert topic-discussed-to-death-already-a-thousand-times).

+1 sir, good show. :)
 
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JeffRyan

JeffRyan
Rog said:
Hey Jeff, these are great.

Can't believe this is the first time I've seen the thread: guess using 'new posts' all the time leaves undiscovered nuggets among the umpty-gazillion threads per day now on (insert topic-discussed-to-death-already-a-thousand-times).

+1 sir, good show. :)
Click to expand...

Thank you sir! It's good to know people are finding them and enjoying them!
 

JeffRyan

JeffRyan
Note: Not forgotten about, but I do need an inspiration for a Space Man Story.

Space Men and the Goldskins of Bedaho

Now if there's one place in the whole galaxy that truly amazes the Space Men it's Bedaho. Now they're used to the Light Matter side of things and stars and whatnot, but an entire planet where all the people are golden is the complete opposite of everything they are. And opposites they say attract. It's a little known fact that there's a higher rate of madness on Bedaho than just about anywhere else. Some put it down to being surrounded by gold all the time. And a lot of Bedahoans try to offset this by importing non-gold stuff. But the reality is it's a favourite Space Man holiday spot and of course, occasionally they try and talk to the natives, but that never works. Due to a quirk in the local biology however the cows can talk and that does relieve the boredom. Around culling time (Bedahoan leather is a massive export, though it is controlled) the Space Men tend to flit home though. But if you see a strange shadow around a Bedahoan cow, you know that there are Space Men there.
 

JeffRyan

JeffRyan
Space Men and the Flit Drive

One day the Scientists of Achenar were working in their secret base. As often happens a few of the Space Men flitted over to Achenar and watched their latest experiments. It always amuses them to see the monkey-men doing their best.

One of the experiments involved the Frame Shift Drive Mark II. Which was to be a universal upgrade on the Frame Shift Drive and would allow people to pick which star to go to in a binary and even make it to Hutton Orbital.

One of the Space Men shook his head, 'Why don't we go one better!' He outlined his plan to the other Space Men who all agreed. They tinkered for a full second with the Frame Shift Drive Mark II and created the Flit Shift Drive. It works on the principle of Flitting which allows the Space Men to Flit wherever they like.

The Scientists of Achenar didn't notice the change to the FSD Mk II which was now the Flit Drive. So they attached it to a modified sidewinder and the daring test pilot Commander Jack 'SquareJaw' Justice piloted the craft on it's maiden voyage.

He flitted all the way to Andromeda. But couldn't work out how to get back. The Space Men of course took pity on him and nudged his craft towards the planet Dorax there. Famous for it's triple breasted cows. They do try.
 
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JeffRyan

JeffRyan
Space Men and Jameson's Death

Not many people know this but when Jameson died the Space Men were with him. He was the Elite of Elite pilots but death finds us all in the end. They say he'd just dealt with a Thargoid mothership, his Cobra Mark III was damaged and he was heading towards Lave for a refit when the pirates jumped him. Normally he'd have had no problem, but thrusters were almost gone, he was out of missiles and his energy bomb and the shield generator was blown out.

'This is it fellas', muttered Jameson.
'We'll take care of that missile for you,' said the Space Men. They'd frozen time around the Cobra.
'Nah, I'm old and this is as good a time as any,' said Jameson.
'For what?' asked one of the Space Men.
'An end,' said Jameson. 'I've had a good run and if I get any older I won't be able to fly anyway. I can feel it'.
The Space Men were confused.
'It doesn't matter, just let that missile run,' said Jameson. 'But you can do me one last favour'.
'Sure!' said the Space Men, not quite getting what was happening though they'd seen it happen millions of times before, but never before had they known one of us like they'd known Jameson and fair few since then.
'Deliver these letters,' asked Jameson. 'They're for my grandkids.'
The letters were from a lawyer in the event of Jameson's death. It entitled his grandkids each to a 100 credits and a Cobra Mark III.
'No problem," answered the Space Men and flitted away to do him that last favour.
The frozen time fell around the Cobra and the missile hit.
'Well, I've saved on postage,' were his last words before he went wherever it is Elite pilots go.

 
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JeffRyan

JeffRyan
Space Men and Sagittarius A*

The Space Men can flit just about anywhere in the entire universe. But they do have a penchant for the Milky Way, because that's where Jameson lived and since he was the only Human Being who could talk to them, they spent a long long time there.

Now Space Men, as is commonly known, are made of Dark Matter and Black Holes are full of Matter (which is no problem to them) and Dark Matter. Now any Black Hole is like that, but in our little neck of the woods, Sagittarius A* is the biggest Black Hole there is. And what do you know? Black Holes are the source of the Ultimate Space Men Sandwich.

You start with Dark Matter Bread, found in any decent Black Hole, but the Black Hole Sagittarius A* is considered the best of the bunch around these parts and in the middle you can put any Matter you want. Matter is actually edible for Space Men, but different Black Holes have different Matter inside them and the Matter inside our Galaxy Centre is considered a rare treat.

Which is why Saturday Nights, Space Men are regularly found hanging around the Sagittarius A* Burger Bar! Giant Matter Burgers and a Dark Coke for only 9.99, it's a real bargain and tastes great too!
 
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