Hi!
Mental health has been ongoing topic in offtopic and elsewhere in FD forums. And I have seen people telling stories about their path to recovery so it is great to hear that.
Myself...it is hard to tell what's wrong with me. And it has been one of major hurdles for not seeking help for very, very long time - and that it is expensive.
For last two months I have started to visit therapist though. After five sessions and break for few weeks I feel I can finally share of my findings about my life.
I really did not know can therapy help. And how it would help. Issue with mental issues and despair is less help you get from outside, deeper you sink in and more you expect something to give in, either you miraculously survive everything and surface in new life or it ends up tragically. It is endless stream of panic episodes, depression and trying to pull out at all costs.
Way therapy worked for me was to calm me down and give some framework to work with. Sometimes you have stuff already figured out, but being on verge of panic and depression all the time doesn't give you confidence that you really are. So it is very helpful that doctor gives you framework which you can use to figure out what's going on and mostly how to start to solve it. So it is not a guesswork or jumping around trying to make something to stick.
In nutshell, therapy allowed me to get way clearer picture of my emotions, how everything works within me mentally and what things I can solve with small steps every day. And while I don't have all answers - and some big ones are still out of reach for me - I know I am working with myself again.
One observation what I had to let go is pretense that I can be like others - I mean, that I can take template of other lifes and try to emulate that. I had been trying to do that for long time, again. At some point this summer I realized that all this clashing against the wall, trying to fit into mold I am never will and in fact, never wanted to fit in. I love when I am me. I can adapt, sure, but turns out I don't need to.
So I figured out what things I like - games, talking to people, music, some acting....and started to make them much bigger things in my life. It ain't easy, money always will be problem as I waved to my regular IT job goodbye due of grinding endless hours...but I am way more at peace than before.
All it takes panic and drive to let go. You can't force life, and you can't force yourself to be happy. But you can make yourself happy.
I still have my desires and dreams, but now I am not killing myself over them.
Mental health has been ongoing topic in offtopic and elsewhere in FD forums. And I have seen people telling stories about their path to recovery so it is great to hear that.
Myself...it is hard to tell what's wrong with me. And it has been one of major hurdles for not seeking help for very, very long time - and that it is expensive.
For last two months I have started to visit therapist though. After five sessions and break for few weeks I feel I can finally share of my findings about my life.
I really did not know can therapy help. And how it would help. Issue with mental issues and despair is less help you get from outside, deeper you sink in and more you expect something to give in, either you miraculously survive everything and surface in new life or it ends up tragically. It is endless stream of panic episodes, depression and trying to pull out at all costs.
Way therapy worked for me was to calm me down and give some framework to work with. Sometimes you have stuff already figured out, but being on verge of panic and depression all the time doesn't give you confidence that you really are. So it is very helpful that doctor gives you framework which you can use to figure out what's going on and mostly how to start to solve it. So it is not a guesswork or jumping around trying to make something to stick.
In nutshell, therapy allowed me to get way clearer picture of my emotions, how everything works within me mentally and what things I can solve with small steps every day. And while I don't have all answers - and some big ones are still out of reach for me - I know I am working with myself again.
One observation what I had to let go is pretense that I can be like others - I mean, that I can take template of other lifes and try to emulate that. I had been trying to do that for long time, again. At some point this summer I realized that all this clashing against the wall, trying to fit into mold I am never will and in fact, never wanted to fit in. I love when I am me. I can adapt, sure, but turns out I don't need to.
So I figured out what things I like - games, talking to people, music, some acting....and started to make them much bigger things in my life. It ain't easy, money always will be problem as I waved to my regular IT job goodbye due of grinding endless hours...but I am way more at peace than before.
All it takes panic and drive to let go. You can't force life, and you can't force yourself to be happy. But you can make yourself happy.
I still have my desires and dreams, but now I am not killing myself over them.
