Can the Golconda hide from the Galaxy yet?

[Arioch]

Having a good think during the daily turnout today - current supplies for the Golconda have reached nearly 13 million tons, that is, 13 million standard cargo canisters, each one measuring roughly 2m height by 1m diameter (yes, they’re not round, but this is mathecrapics and we don’t have to strain too much to be accurate).

Laying them lengthwise gives us a surface area of 26 million square meters.

The surface area of a sphere is A=4πr2

After some transposition of the formula and counting on all the fingers and toes, that means that those cargo canisters could make a 1m thick sphere with a diameter of 2877m.

Is the Golconda’s cunning plan to completely enclose itself in a cargo shell, paint the outside a fetching shade of beige, slap a few fake craters on it, then pretend to be a tiny moon so they don’t get bothered again?

Hollow Phobos theory revisited!

 

[M00ka]

Commander you are over thinking the situation. It is all a carefully prepared and executed ploy by those in the Golconda. See they now have 13,000,000 tons of food/medical supplied, whatever we generously gave them, and are they actually reimbursing anyone for this gratis gift - of course not. And there is more to this devilish plan, they can remove all the goods from these 13,000,000 containers and sell the containers back (they don't need them now do they), 100% profit margin.

They way these ingrates on the Golconda are going, soon they can afford to purchase their own planet!

 

[Arioch]

Hmmm, so they could be aiming to get 10p back on every bottle, as it were. Shenanigans!

It can’t be possible to fit all the paracetamols and protein bars within the internal spaces of Golconda, so I reckon they’re going to mash it all up under the meteor shield until the vessel resembles a meat lollipop covered in hundreds&thousands.

Then they’ll probably gold plate the rest of the ship, or something.

 

[Dillon Fallon]

Thing is, the goods we send aren't going to the Golconda are they? They're going to one of the local corporations, who I'm sure will have expenses, fees and some of it might get 'lost' on the way.

How many tons of each set of goods would these people actually need anyway? This whole thing is just a big win for the corporations who will sell the goods on to a system in outbreak at profit whilst simultaneously supressing the anarchist movement in the system.

 

[M00ka]

Thing is, the goods we send aren't going to the Golconda are they? They're going to one of the local corporations, who I'm sure will have expenses, fees and some of it might get 'lost' on the way.

How many tons of each set of goods would these people actually need anyway? This whole thing is just a big win for the corporations who will sell the goods on to a system in outbreak at profit whilst simultaneously supressing the anarchist movement in the system.

Let me get this right. Are you suggesting that charitable organisations in the 34th Century still operate under the same rules as they did back in the 21st Century whereas only a single digit percentile of what is donated actually makes it to where it is needed. WOW

 

[Arioch]

That could be an awesome delivery to the Golconda at campaign end -

“Hi, we had a quick whip-round and managed to get 13 million tons of stuff! Now we have, of course, had to deduct admin fees and mumble mumble transport costs mumble mumble...so here we are with what you requested! Please find enclosed: some paracetamols, a pack of antibiotics, a ceramic knife, a roll of Bacofoil, and a 486 sx25 chip. Enjoy!”

 

[M00ka]

That could be an awesome delivery to the Golconda at campaign end -

“Hi, we had a quick whip-round and managed to get 13 million tons of stuff! Now we have, of course, had to deduct admin fees and mumble mumble transport costs mumble mumble...so here we are with what you requested! Please find enclosed: some paracetamols, a pack of antibiotics, a ceramic knife, a roll of Bacofoil, and a 486 sx25 chip. Enjoy!”

You forgot something"

“Hi, we had a quick whip-round and managed to get 13 million tons of stuff! Now we have, of course, had to deduct admin fees and mumble mumble transport costs mumble mumble...so here we are with what you requested! Please find enclosed: some paracetamols, a pack of antibiotics, a ceramic knife, a roll of Bacofoil, a 486 sx25 chip AND 400 free Arx, redeemable at your nearest FD outlet. Enjoy!”

 

[Kzak]

Hmmm, so they could be aiming to get 10p back on every bottle, as it were. Shenanigans!

It can’t be possible to fit all the paracetamols and protein bars within the internal spaces of Golconda, so I reckon they’re going to mash it all up under the meteor shield until the vessel resembles a meat lollipop covered in hundreds&thousands.

Then they’ll probably gold plate the rest of the ship, or something.

And rename the ship to the Blingconda after it is gold-plated properly.

 

[Arioch]

...AND 400 free Arx, redeemable at your nearest FD outlet...”

I can imagine the “3 shells” moment inside the Golconda, at least half a day of looking confused at each other and only being able to say “wha....?”

 

[M00ka]

I can imagine the “3 shells” moment inside the Golconda, at least half a day of looking confused at each other and only being able to say “wha....?”

And then saying, "What the hell is an FD …."

lol

 

[Dillon Fallon]

You forgot something"

“Hi, we had a quick whip-round and managed to get 13 million tons of stuff! Now we have, of course, had to deduct admin fees and mumble mumble transport costs mumble mumble...so here we are with what you requested! Please find enclosed: some paracetamols, a pack of antibiotics, a ceramic knife, a roll of Bacofoil, a 486 sx25 chip AND 400 free Arx, redeemable at your nearest FD outlet. Enjoy!”

Oh wait, sorry, we dont have any paint jobs for your type of ship in stock yet. Here have a Thargoid bobble head...

...oh dear, 22nd century steel doesn't do too well when you put Thargoid parts on it. We'll just get the Pilot's Federation to bring us 20 million tons of platinum, gold and titanium to patch the hole.

 

[Arioch]

Oh wait, sorry, we dont have any paint jobs for your type of ship in stock yet. Here have a Thargoid bobble head...

...oh dear, 22nd century steel doesn't do too well when you put Thargoid parts on it. We'll just get the Pilot's Federation to bring us 20 million tons of platinum, gold and titanium to patch the hole.

“...we hear Lavian Brandy and Leestian Evil Juice make excellent adhesives as well, so bung a few cases of those in too wudya?”

 

[M00ka]

Location: In the main cargo hold of the Golconda, as they start retrieving the cargo containers floating around the ship.
Cargo Master: Umm, Captain, we got a problem here.
Captain: What is it now, don't tell me there is another damn container fully of manue.
CM: Nope, this one is full of green slimy stuff, looks like it came from some giant insect or something. And to make matters worse, it's eating through the damn floor plates. Cap. you better call that dude in charge of the charity thing.
Captain. Damn right I will call him.
ring ring
Robotic Voice: Upaniklis Vision Incorporated, to whom do I redirect your call to.
Captain: I want to speak to the person in charge, it is the Captain of the Golconda.
RV: Did you say you are a captain of an Anaconda?
Captain: No, and what the hell is an Anaconda, do you have reptile park there or something?
RV: Redirecting your call to Ms Flugy, Internal Affair UVI.
Ms Flugy: Hi Captain, are you enjoying all the wonderful new things we have sent you, isn't the 34th Century truly wonderful.
Captain: All we have got is cra....
Ms Flugy: Sir, that is called biowaste now and is a very sought after commodity.
Captain: If it looks like poo, smells like poo - it is poo. But that isn't what I called you about. We got some green slimy stuff, smells terrible and it's destroying our cargo bags.
Ms Flugy: Captain, you are so lucky, it seems some charitable Commander has dropped off some Thargoid Hydra Tissue samples, they are very valuable.
Captain: But it is eating through my damn floor. And what in blue heaven is a Thargoid …..
Ms Flugy: Oh you just need Corrosive Resistant Cargo Racks, let me check. Yes, that shouldn't be a problem and due to your circumstances, we can waiver the initial requirements and let you have as many Size 4 racks as you can purchase.
Captain: Finally, something going our way, can you send a good dozen or so over.
Ms Fugly: Oh we don't keep those here, not enough need for them. The nearest station is only a couple of jumps away, just over 50LY.
Captain: 50 LIGHT YEARS, do you know ..... oh forget it.
disconnects.....
Captain: Cargo Master, jettison everything that we can't eat, including that green stuff. Don't worry about bring in anything more.
ship wide Public Address
Captain: Citizen of the Golconda, the naysayers were right, these people are damn stupid and weird. Shut up shop, we are out of here .....

 

[Dillon Fallon]

Location: In the main cargo hold of the Golconda, as they start retrieving the cargo containers floating around the ship.
Cargo Master: Umm, Captain, we got a problem here.
Captain: What is it now, don't tell me there is another damn container fully of manue.
CM: Nope, this one is full of green slimy stuff, looks like it came from some giant insect or something. And to make matters worse, it's eating through the damn floor plates. Cap. you better call that dude in charge of the charity thing.
Captain. Damn right I will call him.
ring ring
Robotic Voice: Upaniklis Vision Incorporated, to whom do I redirect your call to.
Captain: I want to speak to the person in charge, it is the Captain of the Golconda.
RV: Did you say you are a captain of an Anaconda?
Captain: No, and what the hell is an Anaconda, do you have reptile park there or something?
RV: Redirecting your call to Ms Flugy, Internal Affair UVI.
Ms Flugy: Hi Captain, are you enjoying all the wonderful new things we have sent you, isn't the 34th Century truly wonderful.
Captain: All we have got is cra....
Ms Flugy: Sir, that is called biowaste now and is a very sought after commodity.
Captain: If it looks like poo, smells like poo - it is poo. But that isn't what I called you about. We got some green slimy stuff, smells terrible and it's destroying our cargo bags.
Ms Flugy: Captain, you are so lucky, it seems some charitable Commander has dropped off some Thargoid Hydra Tissue samples, they are very valuable.
Captain: But it is eating through my damn floor. And what in blue heaven is a Thargoid …..
Ms Flugy: Oh you just need Corrosive Resistant Cargo Racks, let me check. Yes, that shouldn't be a problem and due to your circumstances, we can waiver the initial requirements and let you have as many Size 4 racks as you can purchase.
Captain: Finally, something going our way, can you send a good dozen or so over.
Ms Fugly: Oh we don't keep those here, not enough need for them. The nearest station is only a couple of jumps away, just over 50LY.
Captain: 50 LIGHT YEARS, do you know ..... oh forget it.
disconnects.....
Captain: Cargo Master, jettison everything that we can't eat, including that green stuff. Don't worry about bring in anything more.
ship wide Public Address
Captain: Citizen of the Golconda, the naysayers were right, these people are damn stupid and weird. Shut up shop, we are out of here .....

... Cargo Master: Sir, one of those weird reptile things is pulsing and beeping. Permission to scan it? I want to make sure it's not sending and signals that could be used to trace us.
Captain: Go ahead. The last thing we need is anyone following us. Do it quick as that's eating through the hull as well.

EMP blast shuts down Golconda

Days later, salvagers arrive from the local corporations, strip everything of value and destroy the ship.

 

[Stealthie]

In Skyrim I can spend my time collecting butterflies and flowers which I can craft into potions.
If I then drop those potions, they reveal themselves to be contained in a fancy glass bottle which it would appear I have also managed to call into existence somehow.
If I then pick the potions up again and drink them the fancy glass bottles disappear forever... until the next time I need one.

Similar thing in ED.
I gather mat's to synthesise limpets.
I then dump those limpets and they are revealed to be held in a standard cargo container which I also seem to have created as part of the process.
Same thing happens in reverse too.
I collect cargo cannisters of limpets, use the limpets and the empty cannisters are never seen again.

I guess we can only assume that recycling has been perfected in the 34th century and that cargo cannisters can be made and unmade with negligible effort and whenever required.
Either that or we just have to apply a bit of suspension of disbelief.

 

[zimms]

It clearly shows that the Golconda's crew has had no contact to the rest of humanity for a long time. Their plan to be left alone by hiding behind cargo canisters is doomed to backfire. CMDRs will flock to their ship which will become another Dav's Hope.

 

[M00ka]

It clearly shows that the Golconda's crew has had no contact to the rest of humanity for a long time. Their plan to be left alone by hiding behind cargo canisters is doomed to backfire. CMDRs will flock to their ship which will become another Dav's Hope.

Oh we could extrapolate this further.....

Maybe some nefarious agent of the Empire has slipped onboard the Golconda, and convinced these poor confused souls that these so called cargo canisters are in fact cryogenic hibernation systems and is encouraging all onboard to wait out this influx of 34th C madness by sleeping it away in the canisters. Of course once everone is in the canisters, they will be collected and sold of as poor slaves.

Oh those Imperials, what fiends they are !

 

[CMDR Serra]

Well, we are kinda low on Soylent Green...

 

[Arioch]

It clearly shows that the Golconda's crew has had no contact to the rest of humanity for a long time. Their plan to be left alone by hiding behind cargo canisters is doomed to backfire. CMDRs will flock to their ship which will become another Dav's Hope.

What they don’t realise is that all the cargo canisters have been retrofitted with full visual and laser audio recording devices and once the shell is complete, will act essentially like a one-way mirror.

Say hello to GalNet’s hottest new reality vidcasts - The Only Way Is Golconda, and The Real Cabinwives Of Deck “C”

 

[Old Duck]

I probably should go visit this ship before something changes in the narrative that makes it either go away or the voice logs to become something different.