An open letter to the Merope Expeditionary Fleet [joke][Roleplay]

[M. Volgrand]

To the attention of the CEO of the Merope Expeditionary Fleet.
From: Commander M. Volgrand.

A few hours ago I accepted a mission by Professor Palin to recover and deliver some unknown alien samples and other alien stuff. I was on my own, travelling back to Obsidian Orbital when I received a message that your company was going after me, to destroy my ship.
Shortly after I was interdicted three times in a row, all three times by pilots piloting an Imperial Clipper. My ship is not actually fitted for heavy combat so I was about to run away when I realized something.

How dare you?
HOW DARE YOU!?
HOW DARE TO SEND AFTER ME THREE HARMLESS PILOTS!?!?

NOW READ CAREFULLY THESE LINES, YOU INCOMPETENT CEO!! Do you know who I am? Did you ever do your job researching who are you trying to gun down!? I AM COMMANDER MANUEL [censored] VOLGRAND! Do you want to know why you should know my name? Because I saved the [censored] of your [censored] Imperial masters more times than I can count! If you have any presence at all in the Pleiades is thanks to people like me! Do you want to know more!? I AM A [censored] WAR VETERAN! I fought in the Lugh war and kicked some Federal [censored] while your goverment did NOTHING but watch! You piece of [censored][censored][censored][censored][censored]!!!!

Do you even know which ship you were trying to destroy!? OF COURSE YOU DON´T, YOU ALREADY PROVEN THAT! Today I was piloting the [censored] Radiance! This Cobra MKIII was the terror during the Lugh Independence war! Federal commander would stop their attacks and run in terror when they saw her flaming paintjob! I gunned down [censored] Elite Anacondas in this ship, I fough against Federal Farragut Cruisers and [censored] won!!

And you, damn Imp, dare to send after me harmless pilots!? YOU DARE!? I am going to report your incompetence to your superiors! This is intolerable!

Next time you try to kill me I expect to see NOTHING LESS than a competent pilot on a decent ship! Because that´s another thing... Turreted Multicannons!? SHIELDLESS Clippers!? Are you kidding me!? Who outfitted those ships, Alissa Duval herself!?

I hope such a shameful event doesn´t occur again! Because next time I´ll write you another letter and send it to your base tied TO A [censored] MISSILE!!!!

Kind regards,

Commander M. Volgrand.
Imperial Knight.
Canonn Scientist.
Colonia Militia recruit.
[censored] DANGEROUS combat rating. <<< See? Dangerous! That means something, youngling.

 

[damon8r351]

I realize you're upset Commander, but I think you mean Arissa Duval. But then again she seems like a tough broad that would at least have a passing familiarity with equipping a proper warship. Aisling Duval on the other hand strikes me as the type to paint it pink and put unicorn decals on it because "it's pretty".

(top notch rant BTW)

 

[thirstyfish]

Hahahaha. That is genuinely funny. Not as funny as the pirates in Asp Xs scanning my FDL for cargo in an RES (rail guns get really happy on these ships). I love it when my prey comes to me. Yes, the scan will be over soon, but not the scan you're talking about buddy. How do you feel about tungsten rods puncturing your hull at large fractions of light speed? My favorite message to send back to them arrives at muzzle velocity.

Oh, you know the first thing I feel when I shoot a pirate? Recoil.

 

[Jenner]

I got interdicted several times by pirates tonight as I was trying to deliver much needed materials to assist with Thargoid research that could benefit all of the Empire, so I feel your pain. Some rouge pilots out there just do not realize the stakes and are out for easy kills.

One pilot who interrupted my efforts actually refused my offer of some cargo!

Truly these are trying times....

 

[Mohrgan]

To: Imperial Slavers
From: Federation Stooge

More trucking, and less basking. o7