Greetings commanders!
Time has once again frustratingly chosen to continue forward in a linear manner, and we are once again faced with the cold reality that another week has been lost. Whilst we try not to think about whether there are more hours remaining in our lives than those that have already gone, it's time to roundup the weekly GalNet news!
AEGIS TRIALS TECH TO EXPLORE MAELSTROMS - 24 April 3309
After enjoying watching so many pilots trying to brute force their way into the swirling miasmas of imminent death, know traditionally as 'Maelstroms', Aegis have revealed they have begun work on new tech that should survive longer than sticking a bit of tinfoil on your ship and crossing your fingers. The new tech is focused on preventing the annoying yeet mechanic, whereby the Maelstroms would shut down a vessel and then kick it away to be feasted on by other doom urchins, allowing ships to push forward and uncover what lies within. Initial test flights are now being prepared, unmanned so as to reduce insurance costs, to see whether the new tech is suitable for wider use.
THE MYSTERY OF THE MARS ASSASSIN - 25 April 3309
After sending several people to their deaths right when the whole of humanity was trying to fight off an alien apocalypse, it has been discovered that the person responsible for the assassination of the Caine-Massey CEO really didn't have anything to do with the Empire or Torval Mining. The man in question was a professional mercenary and whilst there are no details available about who hired him the really obvious framing clues linking them to the Empire have been confirmed as "really obvious, OMG how didn't you figure this out?". The CEO of Caine-Massey, Philippa Barlow-Lyons, let it know that they accept the findings of the investigation but gave nothing which could even remotely be perceived as an apology, basically stating she was having a bad day so it's OK that she caused the loss of multiple lives. Ah, aren't mega corporations so caring.
CONVOY TRAGEDY HALTS SUPERPOWER CONFLICT - 27 April 3309
In a disaster that many people have termed "inevitable" the Imperial vs Federation squabble in Pichch has come to a dramatic and sudden end after combatants accidentally blew up supply ships for the Thargoid war. Whilst the forces of the Gauluujja Exchange and the Gliese 44 Citizens' Forum were battling it out to see who had the harder to say name, Imperial aligned ships mistook a convoy of ships carrying vital anti-xeno weaponry for Federal ships and deleted them from existence. What followed was that moment of horrified silence when you accidentally break one of your mothers favourite bowls and then the "I'm not angry, just disappointed" conversation that somehow makes you feel so much worse. Both factions have been told to sit down in the naughty corner, apologise to each other and have been denied any pudding.
POSITIVE RESULTS FROM MAELSTROM PROBES - 27 April 3309
Good news for fans of charging head forth into clouds of inevitable suffering, Aegis reports their probe tests have been a success! After sending a bunch of unmanned probes, outfitted with the anti-pulse technology, into the Taranis Maelstrom, data confirmed that they had not been defeated by the pulse wave. Of course, they immediately lost contact with the probes afterwards, but that's surely just coincidence and absolutely nothing to worry about. The new tech should be ready for pilots to be used soon. Aegis have confirmed they do work against Thargoid interceptors but due to their size and power usage you should probably only use them to see how far you can fly into the cloudy gates of Tartarus before involuntarily redistributing yourself across several sections of space.
THARGOID WAR UPDATE: APRIL 3309 - 28 April 3309
Jade Sanderlyn continues the challenge of using more words in their monthly Thargoid War updates other than "Oh no, oh no, oh no we're all going to die". The invasion has seen the Thargoids take control of over a thousands systems, almost a quarter of which were previously populated, and bring about millions of deaths. Whilst undeniably bleak, it is noted things would be considerably worse were it not for the brave and skilled pilots who have fought to keep the interlopers at bay. Efforts from Aegis are offering hope in combatting the threat more directly, whilst squabbles between the Empire and Federation are now showing the factions that they need to prioritise the big death gribblies and not each other. Jade also takes a moment to acknowledge that Azimuth Biotech is...kinda there. Without Salvations aspirations of becoming a blockbuster movie villain, the company seems unable to really offer anything worthwhile and are instead trying to focus on schmoosing other weapon manufacturers in a bid to have some friends. The war has been tough but thanks to the efforts of Independent Pilots things may be starting to turn round.
That's it for this week. Join us again when we bring you more of the latest news wrapped up in a tidy nihilistic bow to help give your latest existential crisis some much needed nightmare fuel.
Time has once again frustratingly chosen to continue forward in a linear manner, and we are once again faced with the cold reality that another week has been lost. Whilst we try not to think about whether there are more hours remaining in our lives than those that have already gone, it's time to roundup the weekly GalNet news!
AEGIS TRIALS TECH TO EXPLORE MAELSTROMS - 24 April 3309
After enjoying watching so many pilots trying to brute force their way into the swirling miasmas of imminent death, know traditionally as 'Maelstroms', Aegis have revealed they have begun work on new tech that should survive longer than sticking a bit of tinfoil on your ship and crossing your fingers. The new tech is focused on preventing the annoying yeet mechanic, whereby the Maelstroms would shut down a vessel and then kick it away to be feasted on by other doom urchins, allowing ships to push forward and uncover what lies within. Initial test flights are now being prepared, unmanned so as to reduce insurance costs, to see whether the new tech is suitable for wider use.
THE MYSTERY OF THE MARS ASSASSIN - 25 April 3309
After sending several people to their deaths right when the whole of humanity was trying to fight off an alien apocalypse, it has been discovered that the person responsible for the assassination of the Caine-Massey CEO really didn't have anything to do with the Empire or Torval Mining. The man in question was a professional mercenary and whilst there are no details available about who hired him the really obvious framing clues linking them to the Empire have been confirmed as "really obvious, OMG how didn't you figure this out?". The CEO of Caine-Massey, Philippa Barlow-Lyons, let it know that they accept the findings of the investigation but gave nothing which could even remotely be perceived as an apology, basically stating she was having a bad day so it's OK that she caused the loss of multiple lives. Ah, aren't mega corporations so caring.
CONVOY TRAGEDY HALTS SUPERPOWER CONFLICT - 27 April 3309
In a disaster that many people have termed "inevitable" the Imperial vs Federation squabble in Pichch has come to a dramatic and sudden end after combatants accidentally blew up supply ships for the Thargoid war. Whilst the forces of the Gauluujja Exchange and the Gliese 44 Citizens' Forum were battling it out to see who had the harder to say name, Imperial aligned ships mistook a convoy of ships carrying vital anti-xeno weaponry for Federal ships and deleted them from existence. What followed was that moment of horrified silence when you accidentally break one of your mothers favourite bowls and then the "I'm not angry, just disappointed" conversation that somehow makes you feel so much worse. Both factions have been told to sit down in the naughty corner, apologise to each other and have been denied any pudding.
POSITIVE RESULTS FROM MAELSTROM PROBES - 27 April 3309
Good news for fans of charging head forth into clouds of inevitable suffering, Aegis reports their probe tests have been a success! After sending a bunch of unmanned probes, outfitted with the anti-pulse technology, into the Taranis Maelstrom, data confirmed that they had not been defeated by the pulse wave. Of course, they immediately lost contact with the probes afterwards, but that's surely just coincidence and absolutely nothing to worry about. The new tech should be ready for pilots to be used soon. Aegis have confirmed they do work against Thargoid interceptors but due to their size and power usage you should probably only use them to see how far you can fly into the cloudy gates of Tartarus before involuntarily redistributing yourself across several sections of space.
THARGOID WAR UPDATE: APRIL 3309 - 28 April 3309
Jade Sanderlyn continues the challenge of using more words in their monthly Thargoid War updates other than "Oh no, oh no, oh no we're all going to die". The invasion has seen the Thargoids take control of over a thousands systems, almost a quarter of which were previously populated, and bring about millions of deaths. Whilst undeniably bleak, it is noted things would be considerably worse were it not for the brave and skilled pilots who have fought to keep the interlopers at bay. Efforts from Aegis are offering hope in combatting the threat more directly, whilst squabbles between the Empire and Federation are now showing the factions that they need to prioritise the big death gribblies and not each other. Jade also takes a moment to acknowledge that Azimuth Biotech is...kinda there. Without Salvations aspirations of becoming a blockbuster movie villain, the company seems unable to really offer anything worthwhile and are instead trying to focus on schmoosing other weapon manufacturers in a bid to have some friends. The war has been tough but thanks to the efforts of Independent Pilots things may be starting to turn round.
That's it for this week. Join us again when we bring you more of the latest news wrapped up in a tidy nihilistic bow to help give your latest existential crisis some much needed nightmare fuel.
