Community Event / Creation My goodness dear people, what's happened here? Drabbles #189: Diplomatic Incidents

Pick three of these stories

  • 01 - Edith_The_Hutt - You all meet at the Ambassadors' Reception

    Votes: 2 15.4%
  • 02 - Alien - Reach For The Sharts

    Votes: 2 15.4%
  • 03 - Frank - Pièce de Résistance

    Votes: 2 15.4%
  • 04 - Simoof - Only Choking - The Balls Up - A tale of mystery, intrigue and a half shaven monkey but

    Votes: 5 38.5%
  • 05 - moose666 - HAAAAAAAAAAX!

    Votes: 2 15.4%
  • 06 - Listeri69 - Shaving the other half of the monkey by pulling all the hairs out by hand....

    Votes: 4 30.8%
  • 07 - Cmdr-Wotherspoon - A Rambling Old Lady in a Ferenchian Sanatorium Recalls Gunboat Diplomacy in

    Votes: 3 23.1%
  • 08 - Senator Priest- A Fine Delicacy

    Votes: 6 46.2%
  • 09 - psykokow - Chug

    Votes: 3 23.1%
  • 10 - phong - Table manners

    Votes: 4 30.8%
  • 11 - RoyalHankey - Commander Ins Cedrick Dent

    Votes: 2 15.4%

  • Total voters
  • Poll closed .

Congratulations Listeri69. I can't imagine what made you think of Dr Strangelove as your banner for this week, a story of a madman who believes in conspiracy theories with the power to start a global thermonuclear war.

Listeri69's choice this week was "Diplomatic Incidents".

Psykokow hosts the Abraka-Drabble live reading show and "comedy" hour at 7pm GMT, Fridays on...
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Come back on Sunday night to see how well your Drabble has done. At least come back before Monday 15:00 to check if you're the one that has to provide us with a topic.

Please vote. And a warning to all of the contestants, Don't vote for yourself anyone caught voting for themselves will be sat down and have explained to them in the most diplomatic terms possible that their actions impinge the enjoyment of their fellow contestants who abide by the rules.

01 - Edith_The_Hutt - You all meet at the Ambassadors' Reception

The ceremonial hall of Boston Base throngs with ambassadors from every respectable power or faction in civilised space. You are representing the Pilots’ Federation, last minute replacements for an official delegation stuck at Alioth.

As you mingle with the great and good while preparing for the inevitable, dull speeches you hear a commotion by the Spinward doors. Someone shouts “Break the chains!” and the room explodes in fire; golden lamé decorations burn from the walls as a crystal chandelier crashes into the hardwood floor below.

The hall is burning and littered with the dead and dying. How do you proceed?

02 - Alien - Reach For The Sharts

Mr Winnard, Barnard Star Diplomat
Visiting Thargoids, Where they be at
Behind the scenes, all the food is green
Light years away, A Human ex-pat

Anyone else would run for cover
Not Winnard, he'd stay forever
The Thargoids will regret that
He's got food and they've got him, so

Reach for the sharts
Make every trump a little louder
Reach for the sharts
Follow the sound of disaster
Reach for the sharts
And when Thargoids are running from you
That's when Winnard's dreams will all come true.

03 - Frank - Pièce de Résistance

The aides surrounding the desk nervously looked on. "If we get this wrong we'll be the laughing stock of the whole of Galnet."

"Then we don't get it wrong!" the ambassador snapped. He calmed himself down before continuing in a steadier voice. "The Federal President Hamish Breakwind is coming to visit us. This could be his only visit. We represent the Alliance. We have to do what's expected of us."

With beads of sweat on his forehead, the Ambassador gingerly picked up a Ferrero Rocher with a pair of tweezers and carefully placed it within the growing pyramid of chocolates.

04 - Simoof - Only Choking - The Balls Up - A tale of mystery, intrigue and a half shaven monkey butt.

Pam angrily retorted "As a Diplomatic Ambassador I can only be as good as the information I am given!"
"But there are some things you just should not do! Ever!!" The Senator, equally as angry, reretorted.
"I thought he was choking!!" Pam rereretorted. "I was trying to save his life!"
"That's how they sound when they talk!"
"We've only communicated via text until now!"
"But there was no need to slap him that hard on the back!"
"This could lead to war, you do realise that?!"
"It's a stupid place to keep your testicles anyway!"

05 - moose666 - HAAAAAAAAAAX!

The security officer plopped a device on the overseer's desk. It bore the mark of the Kumo Crew.
"Found this near the secondary data hub" he explained. "It's essentially a remote hacking gizmo".
The overseer raised an eyebrow. "I trust it didn't cause much trouble?"
"I had the BOFH check the logs, it was a fairly primitive device so it couldn't access anything sensitive."
"And what about less sensitive systems?"
"It couldn't access those either, all it got was the robotic diplodocus at the Earth History museum, made it go haywire"
"So all that happened was a minor diplo-matic incident."

06 - Listeri69 - Shaving the other half of the monkey by pulling all the hairs out by hand....

'You know what she did? she slapped me right in the middle of my 8 testicals and said I was choking, I still can't stand straight.
'She seems more offended than you though'
'Well our glorious leader gigan bachwoomachuwahwahakakaka told me to read up on the earthlings. So i got this book out from our library 'Earthling Presidents and their greetings'
'Did you follow it to the letter?'
'Yes I swear'
'So what exactly did you do'
'I looked up etiquette and greetings, I found one from 2016. I kissed her on the cheek and grabbed her by the pu....

07 - Cmdr-Wotherspoon - A Rambling Old Lady in a Ferenchian Sanatorium Recalls Gunboat Diplomacy in the Rift Sector

I saw a monster. I’m sure I did. I tried to tell the girl, the dark-haired one from The Empire, but the details had been wiped from my mind.

I tried to remember. I tried so hard. Eventually, I had something. I remembered deploying beacons. I remembered the power died. After the incident I found the wreckage of the mothership. I was cut adrift, stranded, a small ship 8,000 LY from home.

How did I get home? I can’t answer. Where are the monsters now? I don’t know. But if they come, when they come, it will be the end.

08 - Senator Priest- A Fine Delicacy

The Commodore took a sip of his drink, leaning on the balcony. He winced at the sound of breaking glass below. The party had been in full flow when the Alioth Infantry and the Lavian Artillery disagreed over the menu.
“You can’t eat him! He looks just like my poor Fluffy!”
“Look even better between two crusts and lathered with jam!”
The Commodore knew he should intervene. A stare or a quite word would settle it, but they’d only fight over something else later. Better to get it out now, over dessert.
While there were only spoons on the table.

09 - psykokow - Chug

The weary commander failed to pick his poison of choice.
Sven the barman was growing ever more impatient
“So what dya want?”
“erm Lavian Brandy, no Gargleblaster, no… Janx tops…no”
“May I recommend the Hippo Fat Slick? refreshes those bits other drinks miss”
“Wow, yes..”
The glass was filled with a white opaque liquid, it stank. The customer held his nose and took one long gulp.
Dropplets of sick squirted from his nostrils as the rancid refreshment refused to dislodge from his throat.
The Hippo Rep at the end of the bar smiled
“SEE! Hippo Fat Slick Is a Drink”

10 - phong - Table manners

Reaching across to pluck the topmost foil-wrapped delicacy from the heaped mound that acted as a centrepiece,the human ambassador slowly unwrapped the tasty morsel before popping it in his mouth,and turning to his counterpart ,offered him one.
If it were possible for a green skinned alien to blench,this one would have.As it was,he simply stared,a look of disgust on his face,before vomiting copiously and hurrying from the room.
According to the cultural advisor,it is customary at state dinners to display the testicles of one's defeated enemies,but eating them is definitely taboo.

11 - RoyalHankey - Commander Ins Cedrick Dent

Commander Ins Ced Dent was a very clumsy person.
Lave Station had a malfunctioning computer.
It was Commander Ins Ced Dent.
20 Pigs was set free by in a collision with an Asp
It was Commander Ins Ced Dent.
200 glasses was smashed.
It was Commander Ins Ced Dent.
100 Hutton Mugs was jettisoned by mistake.
It was Commander Ins Ced Dent.
Truffles was let lose by mistake.
It was Commander Ins Ced Dent.
Lave Station was evacuated due to a fire alarm.
It was Commander Ins Ced Dent.
They're thinking of calling any disasters now.
Commander Ins Ced Dents.

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