The Thargoid and Fer-de-Lance

[Rollo]

Rollo was studying the figures on the main screen above the counter from the Olympus Stock Exchange (OSE), the major stock exchange in the Federal market. Some of the smaller corporate-partnership companies were having issues, but generally it was a slow and steady flow without anything interesting happening.
He suddenly felt someone was watching him and when he looked around the bar he spotted Doctor Demento. Rollo waved him over.

"Don't worry Doc, I don't bite, only female pilots.. Have a seat, have a smoky scotch."
"Don't mind if I do, thanks."
"So, what's up Doc?"
"I, er, basically just wanted to apologize for my accusation of you being an Imp spy."
"Really? Well, thanks mucho. I've been called worse in my days though."
"Have you now?"
"Er, no, you're right, maybe I haven't, but s'alright. Apology accepted. Slainte."

 

[illu Minti]

Brews up!

Illu was still mulling over what Doc had said about wanting a meeting with Smiley, he was feeling quite reluctant to get in touch.

He knew his spy boss was very busy elsewhere, after all she had all of the Empire to keep under scrutiny and Barnards was just a small grain of sand in a backwater beach.
He had the impression Smiley was getting irritated by being constantly buzzed like a mosquito with Barnards minor problems(although Jenners royalty did spike her interest somewhat!)

Still a good agent reports Intel good, bad or ever so minor, maybe the Doc was right, maybe there was a big danger to all, so he would send the report of the conversation and leave it to better men to see if there is a conspiracy afoot.

The Doc was still speaking to the group when Illus ears pricked up on something the Doc said

"Sorry, er Doc" the agent interrupted him

"You say Wesselton the tax collector is, er Missing?!"

The Doc looked flummoxed "er yes thats right i believe Illu"

The agent looked back puzzled "oh its just Jenner only told you about the tax collector and what had happen to her, but, well but nothing about him being missing!?
but now you have mentioned it, i haven't seen him lately myself, but how did you know?!"

The others in the group began nodding in agreement, although Gir more so then others!
darting looks here, there, and everywhere, wondering if the tax man was gonna pop out like a jack-in-a box at any moment!

the group remained staring at the doc who looked like a Thargoid trapped in a Cobras headlights

"well, i, that is, i mean! look" Doc was bumbling his words "what i meant was, that i just assumed Wesselton was missing, er..."

Boris who was hoovering above the group descended, and gave Doc a pat on the back and a knowing wink or two from one of his many eyes

Jenner looked on shocked and disbelieving, whilst Darkoba to also walked up to Doc and said "Hell Doc you sure make short work of anyone who crosses you or your friends!"

Doc looked indignant at the gestures and suggestions! "No no no! i havnt done anything to him, ive only just got back, i, er, perhaps someone else here may know about where Wesselton is, where were all you in the last few hours?"

with that notion suggested a few began looking at their shoes, whilst others looked up at the ceiling, eye contact was avoided in the group

Ben came into the bar and Illu motioned him towards the group, he introduced him and filled those not in the know he was Bills brother, some expressed condolences about Bills passing some time ago, to which Ben replied

****"yes it was quite a shock finding out about my brothers death, but i hope to get revenge on that *despicable man* who did it, that money grabbing...."****

Illu quickly interrupted Ben as a few gave off puzzled looks

"ah yes that damn perpetrator, anyway, ive persuaded Ben to stay awhile, in fact Ben heres some keys to your new room, its at the Cheap Ass hotel, your brother stayed there to, i thought you would like the same room to, enjoy!"

Ben wasnt to sure he really wanted to stay to long, but he didnt want to appear rude to the agent who had gone to a lot of trouble helping him out, he just hoped Pebbles his cat had enough food in his old apartment till he got back

Jenner spoke up, well am sure everything's alright, right now i need to concentrate on getting my business up and running again, and hey has anyone visited Mike lately? and has anyone seen AP? i need to thank him for his efforts earlier

There were several mumbles about going to visit Mike later, people began to peel off one by one again out of the bar

An hour or two later a door opens in a darken room from a darken corridor in a darken er level of the station

a figure walks in but stays in the shadows, a small light centers on the middle of the dank sparse room where a huge vat made of glass stood, inside the semi lit vat and sat on a chair was a restrained tax collector

Using a voice manipulator the figure in the shadows talked

"ah good your awake"

Wesselton struggled with the ropes tied around him, his mouth was taped as he moaned some unintelligible words

"its no good my friend, your going no where, well no where till i get what i want"

Some groaning came from the darken part of the vat

Wesselton eyes expressed terror at the sound, he turned his head, but it was to dark to see who, or what! was inside with him.

It was then that he noticed that liquid was coming in from an outside source, a sweet smell rose as it entered from the liquid, lots of bubbles popped on his bare feet!

"Am gonna drown!" he thought, he began poking his tongue hard on the tape around his mouth and suddenly part of it came away "HELP!!!!"

More groaning came from the darken part of the vat

The figure in the shadows smiled unseen by Wesselton

"Its ok Mr tax man i just have a few questions, answer them right and we all go home safe and sound, answer wrong, well lets just say it will be a unique way to go...for you!"

more groaning came from the dark part of the vat, as the figure in the shadows stopped any more liquid coming into the vat(it was up to the tax mans knees)

"who, or wh...whats that noise inside here with me?" pleaded Jack

"ah yes, my manners, how rude of me let me introduce your fellow inmate"

with a flick of a switch Wesselton saw someone else strapped to an identical chair next to him, mouth gagged to
The other person looked wide eyed back at the tax inspector, then looked down at the familiar liquid swishing around them both, he had been here before, many many eons ago, it was Agent Illus old Irn Brew torture tank!

"Yes Agent Pyskokow, welcome back! only fitting that there are now two inspectors in there now, i believe you know each other, good, god how i hate inspectors" came the distorted sounding female voice

the switch for the Irn Brew went back on as liquid moved beyond their knees and two clip boards belonging to both floated pass them

AP poked his tongue out hard to, and eventually the tape gave way

"Why me? and i want my mummy!!"


***Explanation for Bills killer***
*Bill was killed by AP under Imperial Senator Drews mind control device, for those who didnt know, but Illu has made out Wesselton is the culprit to aid him in dealing with the tax inspector, but it now looks someone else has beaten him to it...or have they????? *

 

[Jenner]

"So this tax guy... he's really gone?" she asked, returning her attention to Illu, Gir, Yaffle, and Hoshi. "I can just imagine them trying to pin that on me."

"You've been with your friends the whole time" said Gir. "You have alibis."

Jenner was surprised to have Gir defending her. Actually, she was still surprised that Gir was a she. Jenner had to keep checking herself from staring!

"Well, you're right.... I have been with you since I arrived. I don't see how they'd blame me, come to think of it." Jenner pondered. "Well I hate to say it, but I hope he's ok. I don't want anything bad to happen to him, even if he did send me to the poor house."

Doc turned toward Jenner. "Have you thought about our offer?"

Jenner nodded. "For financial assistance? Yes... and I have to refuse. It would be a terrible loss of face... I would rather sell myself back into slavery for the money rather than impose on my friends or....family." she said, looking at her friends.

She laid Darkoba's medallion on top of her Imperial flag. "I really should go see Mike, though.... and I'm so tired. I haven't slept for a couple of days. I think I'll crash back at Yaffle's ship. If you'll excuse me..."

She pushed herself up, bowed to the group, and left the bar clutching her flag and medallion.

At med bay she stood next to Mike's bed and looked down at her friend with sympathetic eyes. "Oh, Mike... "

She took his hand in her own, remembering how a friend had done the same for her when she'd been shot on the station last year. It had felt so comforting. She recalled the voice in her mind... 'i'm here for you...it'll be alright.'

"I'm here for you, Mike. It'll be alright." she repeated aloud, squeezing his hand.

 

[illu Minti]

Illu had waited outside med bay for quite some time, he knew Jenner was visiting Mike and that they were very close, he thought it good manners to give her time alone with him, some things were private and best left that way.

Once he had seen her leave he enterd Mikes room and stood over him, the man was in deep unconsciousness, but mumbling rambled thoughts

"coffee chasing me! no, dont let the 6ft beans get me!"

"no madam i dont do coffee flavoured teas!"

"Jenner, yes you make me the proudest man alive by saying I DO!"

Illu was bewildered by the randoms thoughts of Mike particularly the last one!

he put a hand on Mikes broad shoulders and whispered "hey man, get better and soon, your missed, your teas missed, and most important of all i miss your cheesecake!"
the agent thought he yelled that last bit to loud but there was a sudden flicker from one of Mikes hands and more mumbled words

"no Illu, bad man no blue cheesecake for you now go to bed!"

The agent smiled "well at least he seems to be responding if somewhat erratic!" he thought

Illu stayed awhile longer then decided to head off and see if there was any news of the tax man

 

[Yaffle]

Upon hearing Jenner’s decision to head for his ship, Yaffle ran from the bar ready to do a tidy up. The crew cabin was a very useful store cupboard for all sorts of junk, abandoned experiments, pickled creatures, old socks and other paraphernalia.

It had been a long time since an actual female woman had been in there, and he seemed to recall that they liked things spick and span. Lobbing all the detritus into a series of plastic sacks he managed to uncover the cot and floor. Now he was just left with the problem of what to do with the bags of junk, so he headed to the cockpit and rifled through them.

Most of it could be disposed of, but he did stumble across some dried biological samples from a field trip years ago. There was Filipendula ulmaria, Rosmarinus officinalis, Elettaria cardamomum seeds, and for some reason he’d also kept dried leaves from Urtica dioica. He placed the pots on the console and looked at them. An idea began to form in his head.

He raced to the basic galley and found a very old and chipped china teapot. He grabbed it, leaving all sorts of clutter around the ship, and sprinted for the medical wing. Actually sprinted is an exaggeration. Wheezed is a better word.

At the door he asked a nurse for some hot water.
“Why?”
“Well, for tea.”
“Tea’s not allowed in here. Health and Safety. If the inspector, that Agent P caught wind of it I’d be sacked.”
“Ahh. Er…” Yaffle scratched his head then more inspiration struck “Well, we’re about to have a baby in here, and there’s always, er, a need for hot water for some reason, so could we have some please?”
“Sure.” She toddled off.
Like some ensian death scene the others stood around Mike’s bed. He was delirious. Yaffle carefully put his bits of dead plant in the teapot (he removed the spider first) and waited for the water. Everyone stared at him. He smiled.
Shortly the nurse came back with a baby bath full of boiling water.
“Who’s the dad then?”
“What, er, thank you, you can go now.”
She put the bath down, and he decanted some into the teapot. The aroma of a tea Mike had never had before filled the air, something familiar yet maybe worthwhile waking up for…

 

[Rollo]

Rollo woke up from some kind of micro slumber. Apparently he only dreamed the Doc had apologized to him. The numbers flickered on the screen. It was as boring as before. He noticed a waitress at his side.

"Oh, hello...er, Laura."
"It's Mary."
"Of course." He put his hand on her behind.
"Hardly appropriate for a first lieutenant, is it?" She removed it.
"Was I your 'first', I always wondered?"
"You're pathetic."
"You didn't say that last night."
"You were pathetic then too, you were just too bombed to notice..."

 

[Doctor_Demento]

Rollo walked into the bar and looked around. He suddenly felt someone was watching him and when he looked around the bar he spotted Doctor Demento. Rollo waved him over.

"Don't worry Doc, I don't bite, only female pilots.. Have a seat, have a smoky scotch."
"Don't mind if I do, thanks."
"So, what's up Doc?"
"I, er, basically just wanted to apologize for my accusation of you being an Imp spy."
"Really? Well, thanks mucho. I've been called worse in my days though."
"Have you now?"
"Er, no, you're right, maybe I haven't, but s'alright. Apology accepted. Slainte."
"I found out Chronos was behind the whole thing. Sorry bout that."
"It's Ok but what's this Chronos deal?"

Doc sipped his scotch and began to explain it all to Rollo.

 

[psykokow]

The Agent Wriggled 'Why are we here?'

The figure giggled menacingly 'You'll see soon enough...'

'I hated this place last time... it ruined my cover.... OMG you're not an angry member of the kettle's are you?? OMG a POT???' The Agent scoured his memory for what may be trying to bump him off this time...

The Figure kicked the agent in his nostalgic area... and he reminisced of being a farmer with a couple of acres.

The Tax inspectors shreik

 

[GIR_mk_2]

Gir blinked curiously now stood at the foot of Mike's bed with the group watching Yaffle with his tea pot and assortments of dried plants

She couldn't recall how she had got hear last thing she renembered they where all in the bar talking about the missing tax man and visiting Mike when they all started to filter out of the bar she must have been in a daze, wait tax man just thinking about it snapped Gir out of he thoughts

"wait! Tax man? Where?! Keep him away!" Gir broke out into a frantic panic her glance darting round the small crowded room causing every one to stare at her shaking there heads and the nearby nurse scolding her

Mike mumbled and seemed to steer at the commotion, every one leaned forward watching for signs he would finally wake

 

[Jenner]

The Picidae sat in a secluded bay, silent and brooding. It was ironic in a way - Yaffle had configured it for maximum stealth and even now, powered down, it seemed to be taking camouflage very seriously. There was a small hydraulic leak from one of the landing legs... she made a mental note to return tomorrow with some tools and fix this for Yaffle. It was the least she could do.

Jenner entered via the code that Yaffle had given her. She noticed that her kind friend wasn't here, but that the ship looked like someone had just finished with a hasty clean-up. She chuckled to herself. 'Yaffle... you're the best.'

She found the small cot tucked away and deposited her scarce few belongings onto a shelf nearby. She patted the flag tenderly. "Sorry, sis... I hardly knew you."

Glancing around once more to make sure she was alone, Jenner stripped off her clothes and threw back the sheet of the cot.

"Oh my god!!" she screamed, backing away and knocking over a pile of stacked books that Yaffle had left out. There, under the sheet, was a specimin jar of.... something! It looked like a half-decayed eel. Covering her mouth with a hand she gingerly picked up the disgusting jar and deposited it outside her 'room' onto a workbench.

"Ok... no more surprises, Yaffle." she said aloud as she spent a few minutes turning over everything else in the small room before she went to bed.

 

[Iglooman]

I sat counting the boxes… My goodness, could it be? Yes, 476 cargo boxes of tea sat empty of contents. It was the last one. Over 2 million mugs of tea… No wonder I was feeling for invigorated! I took the kettle in hand. There was a knock at the door. “Open up, station security!”

“Go away!” I yelled.

“Umm, but, it’s station security!” I heard whispers behind the door. “Well, what do we do? No one ever tells us to go away?” “Shouldn’t we just barge in?” “What if he’s dangerous?” “What if he’s not dangerous?” “The door does say biohazard…” “Sure, but there’s someone alive in there.” “Oh, would you like to see if the alive person has a deadly disease to share?” “No…” “Neither do I. Let’s go get a coffee and donut and figure it out.”

I shook my head. This is what a world without tea boils down to… Coffee and donuts. Where’s a good biscuit when you need it? I stepped towards the toilet and dipped…

There came the gurgle again, and the bubble… And some brownish liquid. I was only mildly disturbed by this. Again, the Thargoid could get a person used to almost anything and certainly improved your chances of surviving out in the wild on unknown substances because you had built up an immunity to pretty much everything.

Another gurgle and bubble, along with more brown. Hmm… I peered in. Gurgle gurgle bubble bubble and brown seeped into the bowl… And continued to seep. The bowl filled. The bowl overflowed. It was disgusting beyond imagination. The smell… Awful. It just kept coming. Brown liquid poured out of the bowl now, covering the bathroom floor. The liquid steamed as it covered the floor with its hot embrace. It was gaining momentum now, both in boiling over the toilet bowl and covering the floor. I had no choice, I made a dash for the last box of tea and scooped it up. I gagged on the smell filling the room. I nearly choked me with its putrid stench. COFFEE! NOOOOOOO!!!!!

I bashed the door open and ran down the corridor, the brown liquid following me across the floor, reaching out to me and trying to pull me into its trap. “Never!” I yelled…

I should know better than to try and run and yell at the same time. I promptly fell and the tea container burst open, filling my nose with it’s delicious scent, one which I’d never smelled the like of. I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I saw the blurry figure of a woman.

“Jenner!” I blurted.

“Gir”

“Grrrr to you too! Rrrawr you minx!”

“No, Gir”

“Grrrr, no grrrr, whichever way you want to play it, I’m game.”

All in the room snickered at the wild ramblings of semi-conscious Mike.

 

[Mobius]

Ambassador Mobius enters the bar and without saying a word approaches the T&F notice board. from the inside of his open flight suit he pulls out a scrap of paper with some Gold symbols on it and pins it to the board.

Mobius looks around the bar and recognises many commanders with some serious reputation and gives a nod, Ambassador Mobius then casually walks out of the bar.

1 Pip

2 Pips

3 Pips

4 Pips

5 Pips

6 Pips

7 Pips

8 Pips

9 Pips

10 Pips

 

[Yaffle]

Happy to see Mike was looking somewhat cognisant Yaffle headed back to his ship to tell Jenner the good news. She was clearly in as the guest code he’d given her had been used on the door. Inside he was surprised to find six damp large towels outside her door; how could Jenner, someone so small and, ahem, perfectly formed require so many towels? He hung them up to dry, concerned they were quite possibly all the towels he possessed. Her door was shut, so he elected not to disturb her. He wrote a short note and left it on the floor outside the door.

Turning to his own small cabin he thought it unfriendly, so he also prepared a tray of tea and coffee for her together with a kettle and placed that outside the door. He stood back, and worried she may step on it, so he moved it to one side and placed the note on the tray. He scratched his chin, then put a note on the wall opposite pointing to it in case she should miss it. Then he became concerned about the floor being metal and cold, so rummaged in a few bags and found a pair of white cotton slippers he’d purloined from a hotel a few years back, and left those outside the door next to her boots. He looked at her boots, and thought they could do with a polish to cheer Jenner up, so he spent half an hour humming to himself and brining them up to a military grade shine.

Pleased with his work, he put them back and went to bed.

 

[insanephoton]

Alison and Velma were still at the table talking to Charlie. "You seem to know a lot about this missing tax man, is there something we should know?"

"You're not suggesting I had anything to do with him disappearing are you? It's true that I don't much like him, as he cost me my business, but making people disappear isn't my style." Charlie protested.

"I thought it was pirates that put you out of business?" Alison asked with a slightly puzzled look.

"They were the final straw, but because of a high tax bill, I couldn't afford to replace everything. It was lucky I got the call from Mark to work here, otherwise I might have ended up in indentured servitude."

"You would have sold yourself into slavery?" Velma asked incredulously.

"It's the Imperial way, better to have honour as a slave than be in debt."

"So how exactly did you come to know Mark?" Velma asked.

"It was a short time after he'd left the Navy. It was out on the frontier, I had a drive failure. He towed me to the nearest station and helped me fix it. We kind of got to know each other. He was still in a bad way psychologically."

"How do you mean?"

"There was something obviously wrong, a kind of haunted look to him. A kind of vacant stare into space. Something had shaken him up pretty badly and he couldn't move on at that stage. I got the impression that he didn't really care if he lived or died."

"That doesn't sound like him, did he tell you what the problem was?"

"He wouldn't go into any detail. Just said that a mission had gone sour and a lot of good people had died. He seemed to think that it was his fault. I don't know if talking things through helped him, but I put him in touch with a shrink that I knew. The next time I saw him he seemed a lot better."

"That sounds like post traumatic stress. The Navy shrinks should have picked it up but he was in such a hurry to quit that they didn't get a chance. I remember hearing about the incident. The full details were hushed up but I did hear that the board of inquiry cleared Mark of any blame, there was nothing that he could have done differently." Alison added.

Looking over to a pathetic figure by the bar, Velma asked the Alison and Charlie "I wonder if that's what's up with Rollo. He hasn't been the same since he got back."

"Yes, I'd noticed that he seems more subdued. All the reports say that the fighting was pretty intense and I did hear that he was taken prisoner, so who knows what horrors he saw." Charlie answered.

"Now you come to mention it, he is showing some of the signs of PTSD. I'll mention it to Minerva when I see her tomorrow." said Alison.

"Is everything ok?" Charlie asked in a concerned tone.

"Yes, I'm fine. It's just that my eldest is thinking about a career in medicine, so she's going to have a chat with Minerva about her options. Anyway, I've just got the message back from Richard. He's fine with us sub-contacting work to Akashi. He also sent a picture of him with Mark and Amber at some fancy party."

"Ooh, they look so glamorous in that picture. I don't think I've ever seen Amber in a dress before." Velma commented.

"Unlike Illu, have you seen that outfit? String vest, shorts, high socks and sandals. I thought Imperials were meant to be stylish?" Alison said with a bemused look.

"Well there's stylish and there's fashionable. I'm pretty sure that that outfit is the height of fashion in Imperial space. However, it's probably one of those looks that people will regret in years to come." Charlie explained.

 

[Jenner]

Jenner woke early the next morning. She'd slept remarkably well in Yaffle's spare cabin. The Picidae was quiet and Yaffle himself barely made a sound. Jenner was a notoriously light sleeper, but she'd not woken once the whole night. She slipped out of bed and winced as her bare feet contacted the cold metal deck. Opening the door she saw some fuzzy slippers placed there, plus a note pointing the way towards some coffee! 'Bless you, Yaffle. You're unbelievable!'

She pushed her bare feet into the fuzzy house slippers and padded her way over to the coffee. Below the tray she saw her boots - shined like they'd never shone before.


After doning her 2nd (and presently, only other outfit), she made to exit the ship and head to Akashi to begin work. She'd already had a couple of service reservations and was eager to begin making back some of her lost money. As the ramp descended she saw a huge mountain of a man waiting at the foot of the ship with crossed arms.

"Max!" she exclaimed. It was Sora's old bodyguard!

He wore some mismatched Federal civilian clothes - a failed attempt to blend-in Jenner thought! The t-shirt sleeves only descended about 1/3 of the way down his gorilla sized biceps, exposing numerous tattoos on arms and neck. Before she had only seen him in his Imperial uniform... now it was like seeing a different man. Jenner saw one tattoo proclaiming "Imperial Ground Pounders - Death from Above!" with a muscled cartoon Imperial Eagle under - several campaign 'ribbons' - Imperial army rank on the man's neck. He looked every bit like the old soldier he was.

"Your Highness" the man said, giving a curt bow.

"Whatever. I'm hardly royalty around here" Jenner said. "Look - I'm late as it is... ah... I'm...glad to see you of course. I heard about Sora."

"Yes. I am dishonored. Sora was my charge. I failed her."

"Walk with me." she said, continuing onward towards the maze of corridors leading to Akashi. "I'm sure you did your best. How....how did she die?"

Max looked angry at the reminder of his failure. "It was 5 to 1. I got 4."

"And what brings you here? Not that I don't appreciate the visit.."

"I come to pledge my fealty to you, Highborn."

Jenner stopped. "Wait, what? Why? You do know I'm not a part of the Royal House? I'm just an exiled orphan, Max. I'm a penniless mechanic."

Max looked at her knowingly. "You're Miyako Jenner. Sister of Sora. Daughter of the Imperial House and Heir of Duval."

"Riiight... Hey, do you hear that?" she asked, listening. It sounded like muffled screaming! "Come on!" she shouted, running down the corridor.

She came to a supply room that was sealed. "It's coming from in here!" She opened the door and beheld a large glass tank filling with water. Inside were two men strapped to chairs! The water was up to their necks!

"Max! We have to help them!" she shouted, running over to a nearby control panel. She pushed some buttons randomly in her desperation. The only response was a quickening of the inflow of water.

"Good guess, but I'm afraid not!" shouted AP from within the tank. "HELP!" shouted the other.

Max walked calmly up to the tank, pulled back his massive arm, and punched the tank so hard that it sent spider cracks halfway around the glass enclosure. Water spouts erupted from the fissures, then the whole tank exploded, sending AP and Wesselton pouring out of the tank and onto the floor.

"Have a towel handy?" asked AP.

 

[Darkoba]

Dar'koba was irritated. He was irritated at the high-handed way uncivil and not-so-servile civil servants treated people. He was irritated at people who were given apparent power, supposedly to help society, then abused that power to feed their own little egos.

Dar'koba was also reeling under the onslaught of the various things going on. He was finding it difficult to decide what had priority - surely the problem with Chronos? It was becoming increasingly hard to separate the serious from the ludicrous, the sublime from the cor-blimey.

He needed the calmness and quietness of deep space to gather his thoughts and get his head together.

He applied for and received launch clearance and left the station. From the station location he scanned the skies and selected the emptiest quadrant he could find at the edge of the system, pointed Kaze no Uta that way and throttled up.

Twenty minutes later he reached what was recognised as the official 'boundary' of the Barnard's star system. He powered down, settled into a long, slow orbit around the distant star. He set the ship to stealth mode, passive scanners only, and left the flight deck.

A small, all-but hidden lift took him up to hydroponics, directly above the accommodation and flight deck section. The hydroponics section was the only part of the ship that had an actual, transparent canopy. Dar'kob wanted nothing between himself and the stars, except for the thin (but very strong) compressed 'Bucky Ball' carbon and silica canopy.

He sat, reclined, in the observation couch facing the front of his ship and gazed out into the infinite depths. Even out here there was no absolute darkness, unless you were in the shadow of a solid object. Space was speckled with myriads of stars of all sizes, brightnesses and colours.

From here, the bulbous centre of the Milky Way galaxy was evident, and looking the other way, he could make out the wispy ends of one of the spiral arms.

Andromeda, our nearest spiral galaxy neighbour glittered magnificently, only 2,400,000 light years away. Dar'koba remembered the last time he'd been home; the R&D department of Ferguson-Freed had been working on the development of a new drive which, they claimed, would possibly have the potential to cross that gap. "I wonder if I'll see it" he mused.

Dar'koba consciously slowed his breathing and heart rates. He emptied his mind of all left-brain thinking and ignored any extraneous thoughts that popped up, allowing them to drift through the canopy into the full emptiness of space.

Aware of his miniscule role in the vastness that surrounded him, but not thinking of it consciously, he came to a place of rest. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, his father spoke to him. He didn't listen consciously, confident in the knowledge that he would know, later, what had been said.

Dar'koba spent several hours in this state...

 

[illu Minti]

The vat spewed out the Irn Brew as it cracked open covering Jenner and Max in the sweet orange liquid.

Jenner screamed! "Ahhhrg! i look like ive been in a spray suntan booth and got a high 10..twice! am so orange!

Max hadn't fared well either, he looked like a large Umpa lumpa!

Suddenly there was a laugh as the door shut hard to the supply room, and gas began to come in from several vents

AP and Jack the tax man had crashed out of their chairs and head long into the liquid, they to were covered in the orange substance, AP being of Scottish descent was licking it up eagerly, while everyone else looked frantically for an exit!

Max was smashing the door he and Jenner had come in from, but the gas was swirling around them and he was losing his strength, they were all becoming drowsy, one by one they began to slip into unconsciousness, and the last thing they heard was some cackling laughter!

 

[psykokow]

THe field flowers swayed gently in the warm breeze... Illu and AP skipped hand in hand slowly through the fields... as Jenner sat in a tree swing on the edge of the enchanted forest singing sweetly, whilst Gir and Yaffle Twerked.

The Sun burned brightly and really hurt AP's eyes as he stared at it...

Susan boils and Frank skipped passed Illu and AP... and promptly dissapeared into the deep flowers...

Clothing spewed up into the air from another part of the stunningly soft field, and a noise unmistakingly like Mark and Amber caused the Agent to grimace.

Boris scuttled down a tree and scared a young lady in milk maid outfit sitting on a toadstool... she looked a lot like Jack Anderson....

He saw AP and shouted 'WAKE UP FEDERAL SCUM!!!!!'

He blinked hard and the sun began to burn brighter and his head hurt...

'WAKE UP FEDERAL SCUM!!'

THe field dimmed..... and the pain... Oh the pain....

'WAKE UP FEDERAL SCUM!!'

The seething pain woke the agent abruptly from his dream.....

he shrieked in agony.. his head felt like Frank had sat on it and used it as a wind breaker.


A light shone directly at the agents eyes and cackling from somewhere behind it continued....

'Ah Good... you're awake... thought you'd died there for a minute....'

'OH MY GOD, What do you want.??? Do you know who I am???'

The voice angerred 'DO YOU KNOW What YOU'VE DONE??????'

The agent gulped

'Good... now you know Im serious!!!'

 

[illu Minti]

Yaffle was enjoying his sleep, he dreamed about being in space, flying naked in and out amongest an asteroid field.
He had felt so free, liberated even, the pink unicorn flying beside him winked and smiled, the professor felt great!

They preformed stunning acrobatics then suddenly the dream changed!

He began to get to close to an orange star, he waved his hands frantically like icarus but he was getting pulled in, the heat overpowering, the orange glare getting enormous

The pink unicorn melted in front of him like chocolate on a hot hob, its sad little face the last to go till there was nothing left but its horn, the professor zoomed passed it, ever falling deeper into the orange star

He was finding it hard to breath his heartbeat up his body glowed orange, but all he could think at this moment was how much could he get for a unicorns horn!

Suddenly he woke up, the first thing he noticed was he was not laying down on his bed, in fact he was sitting up but it was semi dark, and hell! what was that liquid swishing on my feet, why did it smell so sweet?

there were moans coming from several areas around him, his eyes began to adjust "Gir is that you?"

Gir was sitting on a chair strapped in nearby with tape over her mouth, she saw the professor and trying to say something, but the tape only muffled any words coming out

A noise from the other side made the professor turn his head, it was Rollo in the same situation except someone had not just double taped his mouth but tripled taped it "not a surprise with the sleaze that comes out of his mouth" he thought

He began to make out more figures in chairs Frank! his chair had a hole in it! "i guess so Frank cant blow his way out!" he summarized

Jenner to! AP, the Doc and that tax man and what looked like a large Umpa lumpa! as well

A light came on and suddenly Yaffle could see more people! Ben who had just arrived sitting over in one corner

Agent Illu who looked unconscious in another, Jack and Boris(Boris was tied up like a ball and hanging from the ceiling of what looked like a hastily repaired taped up vat that the professor could finally see.

Even Mobius was here! and no it cant be! it sure was MIke was here to but still laying on his bed, except the drip that should contain water looked like it had orange liquid in it!

it was almost all the regular Thargoid punters!

Illu was beginning to wake up as a distorted voice suddenly boomed

"Ah good all awake at last, Hm my plans have gone slightly astray to say the least i was only ever after the two inspectors, but seeing as the rest of you good deed meddlers went, er, meddling! ive changed my game plan

We are going to play AM A THARGOID REGULAR GET ME OUT OF HERE! there was more cackling laughter as a hooded figure entered the vat swishing along the liquid and began pulling the tape off each person.

The hooded figure hesitated at Rollo and AP, but thought it only fair to give them a chance and pulled hard on the tape taking more then a few whiskers away!

Rollo couldnt help himself "Hey even with that cloak i can tell your one sexy ....." a button was pressed on a portable tablet and a small tumble like crature came out of the liquid and began eating Rollos trousers, and getting closer to his nether regions!

"Eckkkkk! am sorry, your not sexy!" he frantically tried to shove the little creature off, which he did but only on to AP wheres the creature began eating his Onesie!

"Nooooo, take my nether bits but not my favorite Onesie!"

The figure pressed a button and the little creature disappeared

"Now you know am serious!" the figure tautened AP and Rollo!

 

[GIR_mk_2]

Gir was now REALLY confused she was in Mike's room getting mistaken for Jenner by a semi-concious Mike who was very tactlessly hitting on her and now she was sat in a darkened room tied to a chair her mouth taped in a hastily taped up vat with most of the bar regulars and a strange orange yet sweet smelling liquid flowing around her feet

She tried to poke the tape off her mouth with her tongue but it was to no avail so she could at least talk when a hooded figure appeared and started talking about some game but Gir didn't pay much attention she felt strangely pleasant being tied unable to move her fate in someone else's hands

Gir's eyes had adjusted to the light now and she noticed Yaffle sat beside her observing the situation, a panicked squeal came from Rollo and AP as some strange little creature began eating there clothes then was gone with a push of a button by the hooded figure who then went around removing tape from people's mouths

Gir glanced left and to her horror she realized she was sat right next to the missing tax man tape still on her mouth she let out a muffled scream and yanked away best she could causing her chair to topple forward landing face down in the liquid spluttering trying to breath through her nose the hooded figure rushed over and re-righted her chair Gir was shaking uncontrollably once again upright her gaze did not leave the bewildered tax man