I have been thinking about this some more..... and basically what I want is very simple...... how to achieve it is really hard however
I want the game to be convincing. So, I would like the consequences for blowing up ships with people in it to be plausible as to what they would be if ED really was a keyhole into our future.
On the surface of it this is quite simple to achieve, however as many have pointed out a small subset of players will always try to exploit a rules based system (hence the ramming of defenceless ships, the dumb fire missiles in stations etc etc.
The above have been dealt with to some degree but these same players will find a way.
The start of the solution is major faction wide bounties, not wiping bounties on ship destruction (why should they be, the criminal is still alive). The only way to get rid of a bounty should be a time based cool down period where you go x amount of in game hrs without committing a crime.
crimes for ship destruction of a clean pilots federation member being super high.... (even in PP, if I am aligned with 1 power, they may not see it as a crime but in the areas covered in the victims power the agressor should get a bounty there).
on top of that
for pirates, how about a new weapon. once a targets shields are down they fire the weapon which generates a lot of heat/uses weapon power so stops them fireing other weapons, it does no damage but it disrupts the "victims" frameshift drive from engaging after it has charged allowing the cargo hatch limpets to do their thing. This is not exactly the same but is along the lines of what is used in MB's book Elite Legacy
this would give the pirate more time to legitimately pirate a ship, and could stop both low waking and high waking. (I am sure wings of players would use it as well to grief so thought does need to go into it, but this is where increased bounty for ship destruction comes in - given to all wing members of course because again, my initial aim is to make this believable and again, if me and 3 others beat some guy up, we all commit a crime not just the one who throws the last hit)
most of this has been covered before. it still wont fix everything but it is a start, and maybe see what happens with that and then go from there.