Sadism is a very complicated subject... far more complicated than people quite realize. This is probably the wrong forum to go into full detail but I actually am a sadist outside of the game but am normally rather secretive about it (bless the t'interwebs for extra braves). My partner is fully aware of course ;-) Once you've embraced the fact that you have a sadistic side to your personality you start to realize that it's not actually that rare. Lots of people have little bits of sadism floating about in them, it's a very common human trait.
Some things to note about sadism which most people don't appreciate:
1. sadist != sociopath, the two are separate traits which occur together in some dangerous individuals but are basically independent from one another. Sociopaths are actually very rare, but many people have little sadistic traits.
2. sadists can be ethical people..
3. Very few people are either entirely benevolent or entirely sadistic... most people that have a sadistic streak are also capable of being kind or cooperative too.
I spend the vast majority of my time in game being helpful and cooperative.. sometimes I'm even almost boundlessly kind. I certainly enjoy PVP but just occasionally in the game I am willfully cruel and enjoy it. Such is the complexity of human nature.. In my real life of course I'm never cruel without people's consent (we won't discuss the exact context) but that is where games and reality can diverge due to the diminishing consequences of a virtual world![]()
I've have observed that others on the forum dislike the linking of real life psychology with their computer game selves.. I however have long been comfortable with exactly who I am in real life.. I don't have a problem admitting that the two me's are linked ;-)
I think you are right on many accounts -- that sadism is a side of humanity's species being, that it is not the same as being a sociopath, and that there is some continuity between our real, social, and virtual selves. Brave of you to offer these insights from personal experience too.