How did you try to be appealing?
In no way am I fishing for something to "judge" you, I think everyone here wants to help.
General / Off-Topic I am currently suffering a major low point, and I don't know what to do.
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How did you try to be appealing?
In no way am I fishing for something to "judge" you, I think everyone here wants to help.
Minonian
Banned
Listen! 
Do you know what's our greatest problem? If we are in bad mood, we going to give a hard time even the ones closest to us. And this is the reason why others run away from us "scared". No they are not scared, we chase away them from ourselves. If you want to keep your friends this is the side what you must take control of it, without giving up too much of ourselves, without falling ower the other side of the fence, and tolerate too much from the bad people, like i did in my youth.
And also? This is the thing what others whom want to get close to us, also keep in mind. Sometimes we just harsh and want to be left alone, and we are not doing this because to hurt them, but this is how we are made.
Do you know what's our greatest problem? If we are in bad mood, we going to give a hard time even the ones closest to us. And this is the reason why others run away from us "scared". No they are not scared, we chase away them from ourselves. If you want to keep your friends this is the side what you must take control of it, without giving up too much of ourselves, without falling ower the other side of the fence, and tolerate too much from the bad people, like i did in my youth.
And also? This is the thing what others whom want to get close to us, also keep in mind. Sometimes we just harsh and want to be left alone, and we are not doing this because to hurt them, but this is how we are made.
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Deleted member 110222
D
I try to be interested in other people's lives, I openly share my hobbies, I dressed smart, I shaved my face, I was in general just being nice.
But as soon as my Asperger's comes out... "laters!"
As soon as people hear that label, they run. Run like hell. I get treated like a disease.
Listen!
Do you know what's our greatest problem? If we are in bad mood, we going to give a hard time even the ones closest to us. And this is the reason why others run away from us "scared". No they are not scared, we chase away them from ourselves. If you want to keep your friends this is the side what you must take control of it, without giving up too much of ourselves, without falling ower the other side of the fence, and tolerate too much from the bad people, like i did in my youth.
And also? This is the thing what others whom want to get close to us, also keep in mind. Sometimes we just harsh and want to be left alone, and we are not doing this because to hurt them, but this is how we are made.
Why a 'we'? The Autistic Spectrum is broad. So broad you can doubt if it's an exact spectrum. It's not an 'us vs them' thing. You have a way that works for you. It might not for someone else on the spectrum. Of course, it might. But we're all different (yet the same).
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So they're scared of the label. Fine. That means they're not scared of you! GREAT NEWS! It's like that label of 'Psychopath'. It scares people because they don't understand it. I know someone who's a paranoid schizophrenic. He's lovely. Utterly lovely. People like him. He doesn't share the label - they run a mile!
Drop the label. It's not real. Labels are theoretical constructs. It was created by Hans Aspergers because he didn't understand something that is still not really understood properly.
"Once you label me, you negate me" and all that.
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Sicknote? You can ignore it.
My doctor tells me I don't have ADHD because it's rare. He's an idiot.
Bullying? At work?
Don't allow it. You're being paid to work, not be bullied. Report it.
If it continues.
Find large amounts of cling film, and wrap their car in it.
Then blame anyone else who may be bullying you.
(Don't do that, I'm being silly again)
Try to find a job where you don't have to deal with too many people, but you DO have to deal with some people. It'll help long term.
Even if it's just a supermarket. Just DO NOT WORK ON CHECKOUTS. You'll get the brunt of all abuse there, and it's not even your fault. It's hell for anyone like us.
Can you drive?
My job is pretty chill, I work as a Dot Com driver for Tesco.
It's easy, I only meet so many customers per day, and I still get to be alone alot (which I like). There also usually dogs to fuss at houses. It's the best. (Assuming you like animals?)
Tesco and other big companies have zero tolerance to bullies, and even have a bullying hotline incase your manager is doing it. So don't let that stop you.
The pay is crap, but in my job, I get a controlled level of interaction with customers, they can be challenging, but it's usually fine. and meeting just a few customers an hour, it's a good start to meeting strangers and getting used to it, without being overwhelmed.
It doesn't have to be exactly that job, but the main point is,
Once you've got a steady job, your confidence will grow. You'll naturally meet people, and make friends. (Just don't force it).
I realise I'm not very good at making points.
I'm glad you're reaching out.
I'm not sure if there is a similar stigma around mental health issues in the UK as in the US. But I can tell you that there is no such stigma in the mental health professions. A doctor or counselor will not treat you poorly if you ask for help. Especially the counselor. I've gone to counselling before, and it was an extremely helpful grounding experience. The comparison he used is that a counselor acts like the "you are here" sign on maps. Getting a qualified opinion about your situation might be all you need.
And I've got a friend dating a guy that sounds a bit like you. He hadn't done any dating before, and wasn't always comfortable talking to her face-to-face. They met over a mobile dating service around two years ago now and are going strong. You've shown that you can open up over text, by posting this. You can do the same on a dating app after you've talked to a doctor.
Get a referral to a clinical psych doctor. It helped me thru some rough times and I think they could do the same for you.
Asperger's with depression is a very real problem and it needs pro help.
We are all here for you and I know you can turn things around, I did.
o7
Hey Un1c0rn,
I know things seem horrible now. I get how bad you feel. You explained it well.
But you're not really completely isolated; you're part of our community. You belong with us, and we're happy to have you. So let's start with that. Any cmdr is a friend of mine. Including you. Maybe especially you?
I have a family member, your age, on the spectrum too. She has the same exact problem. All her friends are paired off and moving on with their lives. She feels stuck in place and hopeless. We're working on it.
Lots of people on the spectrum face it, not just you alone. You don't have to solve that problem for the first time by yourself, other people have done it before.
You can do it too, just need a bit of help for a while. You are on the right path- you asked for help, and interacted socially!
Depression is a serious thing. I have it too. For years. Know it well.
You need to get that fixed because it's probably causing you to worsen the isolation.
Go to your doctor, and tell the whole story to him/her.
Do it as soon as you can. The faster you fix it, the better the chances of finding a mate become. Depressive symptoms, behaviour and appearance are easy to detect by people NOT on the spectrum, and they instinctively avoid it. They might not be able to diagnose it, but they can sense it. It takes a doctor to diagnose it. So maybe you need one, maybe you would feel better with therapy, or medicine or something else. It won't work till you get it started. Call the doctor and get an appointment.
Depression might be partly the reason for the problem in the first place.
There are some simple things you can do to fight it.
- Work out, and then take a shower.
- Shave, and dress properly in good clothes.
- Go out, and buy something good to eat that you like, relax and enjoy a meal.
All of that is the opposite of what depression makes you do. It lies to us. Turns us into bad versions of ourselves. Destroys our pride in our appearance, and our self confidence. Left unstopped, it can destroy our careers, and take our lives. Don't let that happen. Go to the doctor, get armed, and punch it in the face. You can break it. I did.
If you think you are having socialization problems because of the spectrum, that might be true.
But you cannot improve any skill, unless you practise it - so look for a therapist who works with groups, and join that. Preferably one with young adults on your spectrum. Ask the doctor to hook you up with a group.
Practise socializing like it's kung fu. You will get better. You can overcome this problem, even though it is hard. We're all on your side here.
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Deleted member 110222
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I'm going to start by sending an e-mail to the Mind organisation.
I'll wait for a reply. I think I can distract myself from doing anything stupid for a few days. If not... I might have to call the emergency services. It was advised on the Mind website. I'll do that if I find myself starting to prepare a suicide. I promise you that.
I'll wait for a reply. I think I can distract myself from doing anything stupid for a few days. If not... I might have to call the emergency services. It was advised on the Mind website. I'll do that if I find myself starting to prepare a suicide. I promise you that.
Un1k0rn, you have my sympathies. I have no idea what you are going through, but it sounds hellish.
Might I suggest you take up some sport that will get you out meeting like minded people. Do NOT look at it as a way to find your soulmate, but just a way to help you get into shape, and to talk to people. I remembered you had been advised to take up exercise, and you had mentioned cycling. Don't take up the sport to be the best out there, just to help you into shape, and to talk to people. At first you will need to ask for advise, but (as you get better) you may well find people are asking you for help. Once they get to know you, they may well accept you for all that you are (warts and all).
If you don't mind me asking, how does your Asperger's affect you? I wonder if it is possible to use it as an asset, rather than a hindrance (if you already are please ignore this)?
EDIT; Some years ago a family member was feeling very low (basically, she felt that she was useless, and a waste of space), and part of this was because others felt she needed to change herself (none of her family felt that, but as she lives a bit out of the way there were not many family near her). On the spur of the moment I said "You are the best in the world at what you do best". "What is that?" she asked. I then said "You are the best in the world at what you do best, and what you do best is to be yourself". Now, when she feels a bit low, she repeats that to herself, and she says it helps.
Might I suggest you take up some sport that will get you out meeting like minded people. Do NOT look at it as a way to find your soulmate, but just a way to help you get into shape, and to talk to people. I remembered you had been advised to take up exercise, and you had mentioned cycling. Don't take up the sport to be the best out there, just to help you into shape, and to talk to people. At first you will need to ask for advise, but (as you get better) you may well find people are asking you for help. Once they get to know you, they may well accept you for all that you are (warts and all).
If you don't mind me asking, how does your Asperger's affect you? I wonder if it is possible to use it as an asset, rather than a hindrance (if you already are please ignore this)?
EDIT; Some years ago a family member was feeling very low (basically, she felt that she was useless, and a waste of space), and part of this was because others felt she needed to change herself (none of her family felt that, but as she lives a bit out of the way there were not many family near her). On the spur of the moment I said "You are the best in the world at what you do best". "What is that?" she asked. I then said "You are the best in the world at what you do best, and what you do best is to be yourself". Now, when she feels a bit low, she repeats that to herself, and she says it helps.
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Don't be afraid to call the emergency services if you feel that way.
They are excellent at helping with that.
I have, err, sort of experience with it.
My neighbour in my old flat used to call out an ambulance all the time due to suicidal thoughts.
I can assume the main difference between you and her, cos that she is the most vile person I've ever met. And you, clearly are not.
She'd call them, and then abuse them, or even threaten to stab them. She was in need of serious help!
I don't know why I'm tell you this. Lol
In any case, if they were still willing to help her, every single day, I'm sure they'll help you.
But, ideally, you won't do that, will you?
I mean, you've got a CMDR to think about now. Who's gonna look after them?
(Ok, I'm being silly again... I can't be serious! It's a curse!)
Hopefully this doesn't sound condescending but we've all been there. Everyone has had their self-esteem knocked back over a rejection at some point or another, it's the messy side of the dating game. I know that doesn't make it any better but you're not alone.
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Deleted member 110222
D
The only thing I could hazard a guess at, is saying the Asperger's, according to some clinical theory, does grant the individual high intelligence. Academically, I did well in school, which considering how much I was hounded by bullies, I think supports the theory. I do think that if I were in a peaceful school environment I would have done much better in tests, and the doctor has also mentioned this theory.
I'm not bragging. I'd rather be average intelligence but normal social skills.
In a way, my logical thinking can be a curse. :/
The people on the spectrum that I have met have all been pretty smart.
What job are you working at?
I too, have high intelligence (though you wouldn't think it!), and very poor social skills.
Use your logic, it's not a curse.
It's an incredibly powerful tool, that many lack entirely. It'll get you out of all sorts of trouble.
Being on the spectrum, does grant above average intelligence btw.
Even if it doesn't look like it, some people just can't convey their intelligence to prove it.
Social skills are just training. Intelligence is harder to build and capped.
So no no worries about that.
But having a daughter with depression, anxieties and suicidal impulses I can only second, third and nth the professional help recommendation.
Managing to get that help is already a huge step in the direction of improvement.
Please read my earlier post and contact the samaritins now, if you are feeling as bad as you are. They are trained professionals who will be able to help.
The call is free and they will be there for as long as you need them to be.
To other posters, all the kindness and support I'm sure is appreciated but please consider very carefully before posting.
The call is free and they will be there for as long as you need them to be.
To other posters, all the kindness and support I'm sure is appreciated but please consider very carefully before posting.
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OK, so make use of your Asperger's. If it interests you, get into computing, and, ideally, into programming. If you can get good at it you can earn decent money, and you will be with people who will respect your logical skills. How do I know this? Another cousin (brother to the cousin I first mentioned) has Asperger's, programs for a living, and earns more money in a month than I do in a year (and is about 10 years younger than I). It took hard work (mainly training at first) to get to where he is, but he has done it. He once told me that he could work for six months (he does contract work), spend three months abroad, relax for the other three months, and still have more money at the end of the year than what he started with. I am not jealous (no, I am not (REALLY, I am NOT!)), because HE has got himself to where he is, through hard work, and recognising how to make his perceived 'disability' into a major asset.
Minonian
Banned
True!
It's much more like an umbrella term, instead of a concrete sickness. But there is something what's common in us. Socializing are not really our nature. People Like Verminstar or me, got over the period what's he is still in, starting to him, and accepted this. I also got this desperate period of mine, and i bet verminstar too. He will in time understand. The point is? We have hard time to get by with other peoples but the ones we allow close to us, are really precious to us. Well... But since i'm 38 and he 21 nothing to wonder about this. He will in time gets better with socializing, and less desperate like now. But i really wish to him to get a better life than i have in this terms.- - - Updated - - -
I too, have high intelligence (though you wouldn't think it!), and very poor social skills.
Use your logic, it's not a curse.
It's an incredibly powerful tool, that many lack entirely. It'll get you out of all sorts of trouble.
Being on the spectrum, does grant above average intelligence btw.
Even if it doesn't look like it, some people just can't convey their intelligence to prove it.
Yep! You 2 have no idea how far we can reach if we learn to utilize this aspect of ours.
But not this is what you need to get others to your life, either in friendship or long term love relationship.Deleted member 110222
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I tried getting into it before, programming that is. I stopped a few months ago when I started feeling low. Ended up just mindlessly playing TES games.
I should get back to it. Actually, that might be what I do all weekend. I need something new.
Thanks.
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I will be calling them later. When mum is gone and sister is asleep. I need some privacy. I don't want my family involved anymore. Thus is a personal issue.
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