An open letter to the Thargoid race

Wolf Starslayer

Wolf Starslayer
My open letter to the Thargoids would read:

" Don't go near those 'soft skins', there a bunch of exploiting monkeys "

# Insects & exoskeletons rule
 

robbyp

robbyp
Zarek Null said:
Technically, once I'm fully armed with their technologies, you'll be bowing to them THROUGH ME. You'll bow to me, and then I'll communicate to them said bowing.
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Of course. If you are the conduct thru the dung barrier, I'd gladly !et you do the bowing!
 

rrobes

R
You know if I were Zarek, I would petition to have a legal name change.

You'd think he would know that "Null" means "nothing" or "invalid".

Sort of waters down his message, doesn't it?
 
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Zarek Null

Zarek Null
rrobes said:
You know if I were Zarek, I would petition to have a legal name change.

You'd think he would know that "Null" means "nothing" or "invalid".

Sort of waters down his message, don't you?
Click to expand...

Null describes the sum of my moral values: non-existent. Null expresses my philosophic stance: nihilistic. Null denotes the ethics, laws, and institutions that govern me: none. I am beyond good and evil. I am Zarek Null.
 

Punished Mobius

Punished Mobius
Ah Zarek is getting mouthy again. Guess it's that time of the week for me to go kick the Fdeving biowaste out of him. :p

Oh I can't help but notice I have been bumped to #3 on the bounty board seems #1 got Iced. All that noob blood down the drain.

You people should really stop killing him. Because every time you do that means he just has to work harder at regaining that #1 spot. I don't care to do the math but that's a lot of dead sidewinders.
 
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IndigoWyrd

IndigoWyrd
Zarek Null said:
Most Honorable Thargoids,

I, Zarek Null, Overlord of the Eravate star system, offer you my sincere regards. Like you, I too wish to see humanity's illegitimate hold over the milky way galaxy once and for all relinquished.

Are you aware that as a species, thoughout history, human beings have held a barbaric disregard for nearly all insectoid lifeforms? In their language itself, they use phrases like "stop bugging me", "insignificant as an ant", revealing their absolute disrespect for insectkind. Did you know that humans often consider mammals to be "cute", birds to be "beautiful", fish to be "exotic", yet insects are reviled as "creepy" and "disgusting". Have you heard that some deplorable humans even make killing innocent insects their entire livelyhood?

I wish to make very clear that I personally regard insects as the greatest lifeform in our universe--especially those with higher order cognitive function. And insects, undeniably, have more objective beauty and worth than any other living thing. You, the Thargoids, are among most important beings in the known universe. You deserve the utmost respect. And you deserve to rule. The proper role for the majority of human beings is subservience to insectkind.

Most elevated Thargoids, I offer you my loyalty. Allow me to help you gain your rightful place in this galaxy. I am an expert on humanity. I know their weaknesses. I can communicate your will to them in a way they can understand. But know this: there is a human saying "might makes right.". Ultimately, the universal language of humanity is violence. If you provide me with your technology, giving me a military advantage over other humans, only then will I be most effective at carrying out your will. Otherwise, your messages through me might very well be ignored.

This is what I propose. Provide me with a few of your ships and weapons. And in return, I am yours to command.

I look forward to working with you. If you understand this message, please transmit your response to the Eravate star system.

Sincerely,

Zarek Null
Overlord of Eravate
Thargoid Coadjutor
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On behalf of the rest of humanity, particularly the sane and rational portion, I must amend this letter, and advise you to begin by eating Zarek first, as it should be terribly obvious especially to a species so unlike ours as yourselves, that this is, in fact, merely a ruse by a self-serving, self-interested individual, who is in no way represents the majority of the human population. I counter-offer to continue to remain in my isolated solitude, far removed from both races, should you decide to begin by eating Zarek first, a quiet observer and chronicler of events. I ask nothing more, and will continue my policy of non-interference should you find this counter-offer acceptable.

Indigo
Overgod of the Universe
 

rrobes

R
"An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last." - Winston Churchill

In this case, the Thargoids.

Earlier I alluded that "Null" needs a change of name, following are a few suggestions

Benedict Arnold
Quisling
Vichy
Neville Chamberlain

All are historical references that tally to his stated goal of "His Most Excellency, Toady to the Thargoids, ESQ."

I haven't read such sycophantic drivel in a while. Wait, I did, Trump's cabinet members heaping praise on their boss.
 
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Hell Razor5543

H
ilmostro said:
I've just intercepted a Thargoid transmission;
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I have been advised of a following communiqué;

"As they have not paid their rent for numerous rental periods, and they have trashed the property, we are going to evict the Human Race. Until now we did not know who was in charge, but now Zarek Null has admitted responsibility we can issue him with the writ and interstellar court judgement. We are legally allowed to use reasonable force to evict these troublesome tenants."
 
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Riverside

Riverside
Zarek Null said:
Null describes the sum of my moral values: non-existent. Null expresses my philosophic stance: nihilistic. Null denotes the ethics, laws, and institutions that govern me: none. I am beyond good and evil. I am Zarek Null.
Click to expand...

Whenever I see this kind of thing I imagine some future job interview where the poster tries to justify it to their potential boss ;)
 
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Gully Foyle

Gully Foyle
IndigoWyrd said:
On behalf of the rest of humanity, particularly the sane and rational portion, I must amend this letter, and advise you to begin by eating Zarek first, as it should be terribly obvious especially to a species so unlike ours as yourselves, that this is, in fact, merely a ruse by a self-serving, self-interested individual, who is in no way represents the majority of the human population. I counter-offer to continue to remain in my isolated solitude, far removed from both races, should you decide to begin by eating Zarek first, a quiet observer and chronicler of events. I ask nothing more, and will continue my policy of non-interference should you find this counter-offer acceptable.

Indigo
Overgod of the Universe
Click to expand...

I, Gully, Atheist Paladin, Vendor of Ethgrezian Bud, Underwear Maker of the Multiverse, approve this message.

Now who is going to tell Zarek you have to be smeared completely with fresh hot biowaste from head to toe to be noticed by the Thargoid Hive Queen?

Just Sayin'
 
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