I think you have stumbled upon the crux of the issue here. It's not the killing that
really bothers most people (IMO). It's the rude behavior in comms that some people seem inclined to inflict on others. There is really no good reason to rub it in when you kill someone else's space pixels (unless the other person gets salty about it... then a response in-kind may be warranted).
C&P does not need to be crushingly oppressive to be effective. You're letting your personal feelings show here. It smells of outrage, frankly. Not that I blame you. I was griefed (who'd a thunk it) a few times myself in the earlier days of my ventures into the wider ED universe. It can get under your skin. I responded by engineering the crap out of my ships and building a nice bank account. I am literally un-griefable now. That's not to say I'm un-killable, but I can afford to die numerous times if I'm outmatched, and still not care. I can also mete out quite a lot of violence when I'm so-inclined (which is pretty much always

).
All you need for effective C&P is a
solid NPC response in high security systems, and a somewhat lesser but still effective response in medium security systems. That's it.
Why we don't have that is anybody's guess. It really
should happen though.
Of course the sidewinder exploit had to be fixed... but we're nearly there on that one.
Which is why the engineers need to be wiped off the map and redone. We have a perfectly reasonable option with the Thargoid war. They should destroy the engineer home worlds, with a few engineers surviving to rebuild. The travesty that is engineering could be redone in a completely believable and non game breaking fashion.