General / Off-Topic [Girlfriend Trouble] Whoops!

CMDR Cosmic Spacehead

CMDR Cosmic Spacehead
So long story short, my girlfriend and I have been together like 10 years or something (I forget... Lol). She knew I loved gaming when we met, but has since been trying to stop me. No idea why I allowed this, but I did. Hey ho.
Anyhoo, about 4 years back, she basically gave me the ultimatum, stop playing games or move out. At the time, we'd just moved in together, so I couldn't afford to move out, not even with my parents (because I had 6 months rent to pay regardless...!).
So I said I'd stop. And I did, for a while. Tried to get used to watching boring TV. Didn't work. Brain needs stimulation!
So I started again. In secret!
What could possibly go wrong?
I hid everything on my PC, even kept my gamepad in the attic and got it out each time I needed it.
Even did a few upgrades without her noticing. Lol

I did pretty well, had some close calls, and my PC was insistent on giving it away as much as possible (saving screenshots, randomly trying to load steam, etc). Lol
But I kept it under wraps...

Up until about January this year.
My PC caught me out, and loaded steam with Windows (despite me telling it not too), and my girlfriend noticed. (Why does windows ignore everything you tell it!?)

BUSTED!

So, I confessed, that I'd only played them "a bit"...(1000 hours in ED.....:p.).
She mostly got over it, but kept insisting I stop playing.
Several arguements later, she once again gave me the ultimatum.
No idea why, but I agreed again, and cut out gaming for a few weeks.
So instead I watched videos of gaming... Lol
Then I got the itch for 3.0, and fancied starting my own video channel. So I did. Spent aggggeess making sure my video capture didn't stick videos in my video library, and triple checked it.
Perfectly hidden! *Selected hide file*... Lol

All has been good up until today, when I called her after work to decide dinner.... (she's been home all day watching TV no doubt, so obviously couldn't decide while I was at work...!)

My PC has randomly started saving screenshots, to my photos folder!
No idea why, or how, because it wasn't set to save them there. Nor have I purposely saved any screenshots!
But my girlfriend opened up our photo library to see lots of ED screenshots.

Well crap, busted again!

Now she insists she can't trust me, and all that crap, claims if I can hide games, I can hide cheating, or anything.
And I think she wants me to move out.

And to be honest, I'm getting fed up with her odd stance towards gaming in general. Her view is it's for kids or 40 year old phedophiles...

So we just had the most awkward conversation on the phone, which was mostly silence...then hung up.

But i just finished work, and I'd like to go home... But I don't know if I should, or just go to my parents.

If I go home, I'll get moaned at some more, and have to do the whole argument again, probably about 11 times. And not get dinner.
If I go to my parents, I'll have to explain why I'm there... Which is awkward.

But I'm hungry. So I need to go somewhere.

Hmmmmm... I also have images of my PC being thrown out the window...

Not sure what to do now...lol

Help?

CMDR Cosmic Spacehead
 

Arry

Arry
Ultimatums are evil things, that are often put on the table; at a time, they have to be bowed too.

You can offer your own 'ultimatum' or maybe a compromise.

She can see that the game is important to you and so maybe, you should offer not to stop; thus give in to her demands and that IS what they are; but to meet here half way. You get your own 'game time' and she gets something she wants; for some of your free time; as well.

If however: She is simply stating; 'I want and you will!'. Maybe it is time to cut your looses and move on.
 

CMDR Cosmic Spacehead

CMDR Cosmic Spacehead
She gets plenty of my time. Basically all time after work is with her, and any days off together. Can't really give her much more than that.
My own time is basically just when she's at work and I'm not. Lol

She's excellent at emotional blackmail, especially considering I have the emotional range of a cabbage. Lol

She also doesn't do compromise. It's her way only. I must give up games, or move out. No other option.

Part 1 of my problem is fixed.

I went to McDonald's. :D
Stuff it if she's hungry. I'm fed.

Now I'm still deciding whether to go home, or my parents... Hmmmmm..

I am tempted to cut my losses to be honest. Not just because I want to play games without being moaned at. But basically because I'm not allowed to be my own person. Everything must fit her plan. I get no say in anything really.
I don't even really know who I am anymore... (Not that I've ever really known...!)

Pfft. I preferred being single...

Admittedly, I was 100% addicted to gaming, but not so much now.
I hate relationships.

What to do.....
 

Stigbob

Stigbob
Mrs Stigbob appreciates me gaming as it stops me sitting on the sofa incessantly complaining about the shallow and brainless things she likes to watch on TV, the only programs we ever agree on have David Attenborough presenting them.

Many years ago she did have a moan about me gaming, but stopped after I pointed out I play games much less than she watches telly.

Are you sure games are actually the problem or could it be an "I'm in charge" thing ?.
 

Deleted member 110222

D
Your girlfriend is not, in fact, your boss.

Let me be blunt. If she thinks she has a right to tell you what you can and can't do with your money... She's deluded.

Sounds like a power complex. Personally, I cut people out of my life as soon as they try to control any aspect of my existence. Nobody has that power.
 

Deleted member 110222

D
CMDR_Cosmicspacehead said:
She gets plenty of my time. Basically all time after work is with her, and any days off together. Can't really give her much more than that.
My own time is basically just when she's at work and I'm not. Lol

She's excellent at emotional blackmail, especially considering I have the emotional range of a cabbage. Lol

She also doesn't do compromise. It's her way only. I must give up games, or move out. No other option.

Part 1 of my problem is fixed.

I went to McDonald's. :D
Stuff it if she's hungry. I'm fed.

Now I'm still deciding whether to go home, or my parents... Hmmmmm..

I am tempted to cut my losses to be honest. Not just because I want to play games without being moaned at. But basically because I'm not allowed to be my own person. Everything must fit her plan. I get no say in anything really.
I don't even really know who I am anymore... (Not that I've ever really known...!)

Pfft. I preferred being single...

Admittedly, I was 100% addicted to gaming, but not so much now.
I hate relationships.

What to do.....
Click to expand...

"Everything must fit her plan." I've got it even worse. My SISTER thinks she has the right to tell me what I can and can't do.

I tell her that I'm her brother. If she wants to control someone, she has her boyfriend.

Time and time again I have to get it through her head that she has no rights over me. Siblings do not get to boss each other around.
 

TieKnee

TieKnee
She needs to accept you for who/what you are regardless of your supposed gaming issues ... and you need to compromise by spending a bit of the evening with her... Go tell her that she needs to accept you for the person you are....

good luck mate... Elite is a good one.. hard to put it down ..lol
 

EUS

EUS
1) If you're not going to stop gaming, and she's not going to drop the ultimatum, then there's no future.
2) After a few years, relationships become a habit that is hard to break, and many stay together because of this, even though they shouldn't.
3) Being addicted to anything is not good, i used to be addicted to gaming, and presently I'm having troubles with my son who's addicted to Rust, it's putting a strain on the family.

Good luck in whatever you decide.
 

Chris Simon

Chris Simon
If you only play games when she's not around, anyway, it doesn't effect her in any way either. If she won't let you do what you want IN YOUR OWN FREE TIME, she's a control freak.
Randomly enforcing and coming up with taboos and seeing what the other person does is the first step to what can end up being actual abuse. Mental OR physical.

I think you two need some SERIOUS talk.

I'd say move out immediately. But I can't make decisions for others. UNLIKE HER, apparently. ;)
 

Deleted member 115407

D
Dump her. If she is unwilling to allow you your hobby, then she's a selfish who isn't worth your time. Apparently it's ok if you watch tv but not play video games?

It's your responsibility to give her due time and attention. It not your responsibility to bin what makes you happy just because she doesn't dig it.

And what passtimes, pray tell, has she given up for you?

That being said, you should have manned up long ago and told her you were going to indulge in your hobby whether she likes it or not.
 
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Jenner

I wish I was English like my hero Tj.
Jenner
She needs to accept you for who you are. Gaming isn't exactly heinous and if she thinks it is she needs to be educated a bit. If it's really a deal breaker then yeah - you should move out if it's important to you.

That said, trying to keep it a secret from her and going behind her back wasn't a good move, either. That just destroys trust and you need trust in a relationship. No matter if she's right or wrong in her anti-gaming sentiment it's not right to deceive your partner. If gaming is important to you then be upfront about it.
 

Deleted member 115407

D
BTW, admitting that your significant other is "excellent at emotional blackmail" is admitting that your significant other is a selfish manipulative piece of .
 

UmbraRex

UmbraRex
Stigbob may have accidentally hit on the solution.

When sitting there watching brain dead TV with her point out every little detail that makes absolutely NO sense.

Be as polite and civil about it as possible of course, but make it perfectly clear that, while you value your time with her, WHAT you are doing is neither a) entertaining or b) enjoyable.
 

Ethaidan

Ethaidan
Stigbob said:
Mrs Stigbob appreciates me gaming as it stops me sitting on the sofa incessantly complaining about the shallow and brainless things she likes to watch on TV, the only programs we ever agree on have David Attenborough presenting them.

Many years ago she did have a moan about me gaming, but stopped after I pointed out I play games much less than she watches telly.
Click to expand...

Lol, sounds familiar (oh, how I detest anything with an acronym title), and welcome to phase 2...
After 2 decades, my partner succumbed to actually trying a game over Xmas, probably inspired by me and the boys over indulging during their school holidays. A few weeks ago, I came home from a post-game pint to find her sat in my chair playing Fortnite, alone, long after the kids had gone to bed. Oh how we laughed.

@OP, sounds like it's time for a calm and reasoned grownup conversation about life, relationships, personal time, respect... 10 years is a long time, I wouldn't rush into any decision.
 
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Kenneth McGrew

Kenneth McGrew
to be fair if she doesnt notice the time when your on the PC what the hell is her problem?

sounds likes its ok for you to watch a video but not play games? i dont get the difference its entertainment, who the hell does she think she is telling you what you can/cant do whiles she's at work, id tell her i was off imo but.. as im such a cynical and facetious so and so there is another way.... id start taking screenshots of trains or planes serial numbers, or maybe even birdwatching save them all into the "family Album"

every spare moment you get with her at home introduce your new hobby of trains / planes / birdwatching, subscribe to a really anorak magazine and read her out the "interesting facts" about a random steam locomotive, get some posters to put up around the house.

if she complains... well i cant game so trains are now my thing, if i can play ED i suppose the trains can go.

if that fails to get a rise,

start woodworking in the kitchen
become an artist and scribble on paper, make really crap art or phallic art but show it off to everyone, the embarrassment of a giant phallic object in every painting will make her concede
Paint all the walls in the house brown.. when she gets home tell her you had nothing better to do and wasnt allowed to game, so painting things brown is now your thing
 
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