General / Off-Topic How do I tell everyone around me that I'm sick of it?

[Bob Lighthouse]

You have made a lot of progress in very short time.

Keep at it, even if the increments are very small.

I work with some amazing coaches, so I am fortunate to see people making amazing progress all the time.
Try to find supportive, positive people to surround yourself with, even if that's only online for now.
Family you will mostly have to deal with, so understand how to deal with that context too.

"Environment is stronger than will."*
That even applies to highly motivated people.

Keep riding that bike, it's a very powerful tool you have at your disposal.
It's the most efficient machine!
http://www.bfw.org/blog/2014/06/11/the-bicycle-is-the-most-efficient-machine-on-earth/
http://www.bikeboom.info/efficiency/



* @3:00

[video=youtube;5V-ucGFMTE8]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5V-ucGFMTE8[/video]

 

[Slange Lands]

Hypothetically, imagine you were the most popular person ever and you could pick anyone out to be your friend. What qualities would that person have? Would he or she be someone with endurance, perspective and infinite patience? You can be that. Remember, baby steps.......

 

[Hell Razor5543]

"You are the best in the world at what you do best, and what you do best is to be yourself". Don't be what the majority of the idiots in your neighbourhood expect you to be. Be what YOU want yourself to be.

First, start believing in YOURSELF! Know that, whatever you decide to do, you CAN (with self belief) do it. If you KNOW that you are a failure you will be right (PLEASE DON'T EVER KNOW YOU ARE A FAILURE!!!). If you KNOW that you can improve your life you will succeed. When I used to teach long term unemployed people computer skills it was not uncommon, in the early days of a course, to hear (when I asked students to do something) "But Sir, I cannot do that". I ALWAYS asked them to change that to "But Sir, I cannot do that YET". It changed a denial of ability into a willingness to learn. Once I heard a student start saying that repeatedly to themselves I knew that was half of my job done (yes, I still had to teach them the new skills, but now they were prepared and willing to learn).

Do NOT consider you have a mental illness. That would imply there is something wrong with you. Start thinking that you have a difference in mentality. That is not wrong. EVERYBODY is different, physically and mentally. EVERYBODY is unique (even identical twins are not truly identical). Accept and celebrate that difference. Make it work for you, not fight against you.

You have, over the time you have been active on this forum, asked for help (sometimes a very loud scream for help). A lot of people have offered advise and information. You have shown a willingness to take that onboard (even if some of it is hard and harsh). The fact that you have taken steps to improve your physique is just one indication of that willingness. Please don't the stupidity of others set you back. KNOW that, on this forum at a minimum, there are people who care about you, and want you to have a life that (when you are on your deathbed a very long time from now) you can look back on it and say "On balance, that was a life worth living, and I would not change much".

 

[Slange Lands]

Uni,

Can you not see from the number of replies to your pleas that Real People Do Care About You? Why, because you are wonderful and because we have a lot in common with you (despite cheese and the Cobra thing). You have been brainwashed into low self-esteem by yourself, genetics, social media, obsolete traditions, etc. It's all a damn lie. Take responsibility of yourself. No one else can. You Can Do It!

 

[Deleted member 110222]

Uni,

Can you not see from the number of replies to your pleas that Real People Do Care About You? Why, because you are wonderful and because we have a lot in common with you (despite cheese and the Cobra thing). You have been brainwashed into low self-esteem by yourself, genetics, social media, obsolete traditions, etc. It's all a damn lie. Take responsibility of yourself. No one else can. You Can Do It!

I know, I see the response here.

It's getting past the fear of the unknown that's the wall. I'm really struggling with that.

 

[Slange Lands]

It's getting past the fear of the unknown that's the wall.

Yep, that's the wall we all face. And we all have to face it.

Are you familiar with the legend of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table? The real story, not the Monty Python and the Holy Grail movie.
Well, if not, in the legend there are a bunch of knights and the stories tell of their adventures fighting multi-headed monsters and rescuing the hapless. The most famous being Galahad and the Quest for the Holy Grail. It's all a metaphor of the human life. We are the knights and the monsters are our inner demons.

We are all on a Quest whether we like it or not.
Sorry, you Un1, too, are on a Quest.


HOWEVER

In King Arthur, there are always entities on the journey who aid the knights on their (mis)adventures. And somehow or another, the end outcome is always that the Quest was worth the effort. It may have not been pleasant, but at the end of the Quest, the knight always becomes greater than he was before. How or what kind of greater is very unpredictable. This is also the same journey of Frodo of Tolkien, Jesus of Nazareth, Luke Skywalker, Batman, the Karate Kid etc. and many others who are known as heroes.

There is a great book about life being a quest by the mythologist, Joseph Campbell. It's amazing that these made up stories, myths, legends, or what have you, can teach you more about life than the local news. Most importantly, these stories are all inspirational, because their creators knew exactly how tough it is.

https://www.amazon.com/Thousand-Fac...34538864&sr=1-1&keywords=hero+with+1000+faces

 

[Jenner]

To be brutally honest mate and I say this in a genuinely caring manner.

Stop acting the victim, pull your finger out of your backside and do something about it.

You've had some amazing advice here on the forum in your threads and it's time to start acting on them.

Don't be afraid to fail, just pick yourself up and try again.

Nobody and I mean nobody can do something about it apart from yourself.

I mean it Uni, stop being the victim and acting like the victim, realise you're just as important and valued as everyone else on the planet.

(You can tell I'm a Dad to teenagers)

This is good advice.

Also I'll say if you have not found a mental health professional that works for you and your situation you need to keep looking. I think you really need some assistance above and beyond encouraging words on a forum.

You have friends here and we care about you, but there is a limit to how much we can help.

 

[Slange Lands]

This is good advice.

Also I'll say if you have not found a mental health professional that works for you and your situation you need to keep looking. I think you really need some assistance above and beyond encouraging words on a forum.

You have friends here and we care about you, but there is a limit to how much we can help.

Agreed. Keep trying to find a mental health professional that will work for you. My first shrink was a real klunker and put me off for years, but in the end, somehow or another I kept trying and eventually found a psychiatrist who was invaluable.

 

[Bob Lighthouse]

+1 on the professional advice.

 

[Manticore]

Words follow:

To be brutally honest mate and I say this in a genuinely caring manner.

Stop acting the victim, pull your finger out of your backside and do something about it.

You've had some amazing advice here on the forum in your threads and it's time to start acting on them.

Don't be afraid to fail, just pick yourself up and try again.

Nobody and I mean nobody can do something about it apart from yourself.

I mean it Uni, stop being the victim and acting like the victim, realise you're just as important and valued as everyone else on the planet.

(You can tell I'm a Dad to teenagers)

What he said: Don't devalue yourself. No-one is better or worse than you.

 

[Hell Razor5543]

Part of the problem you face (as I believe it) is that others see you as an easy target, and not the person we get to 'meet' here on the forum. I have suggested in the past that you move away from your current location. That will get you away from the idiots who have learned that you are (in their eyes) a valid target (they are VERY wrong in that belief). However, while you remain there the idiots (and those in their circles) will always believe that. They will pass this onto their friends, family and children. That is a cycle you are unlikely to break while you remain there. They do not care about YOU, just the gratification THEY get from humiliating you (and worse). Please recognise that fact (as I see it).

I recall a story in The Readers Digest. A mother and her daughter got on the bus. One of the other passengers was a woman with a large port wine stain birthmark on her face. The daughter kept looking at this woman. The daughter then said "Mummy..." only for her mother to hush her with a "Not now" sort of comment, thinking she knew what her daughter was going to say. This happened a couple of times, until finally the daughter managed to say "Mummy, hasn't that lady got a lovely hat on".

As long as you remain in an area where you are surrounded by bullies they will never see the person underneath, only a punching bag they can attack. Get away from them, and do something that gets a "Lovely Hat" comment. You say, in your signature, you were good with horses. Well, get yourself a career at a racing stables (for example). If you are good they will appreciate your skills. If you are really good the racing world will learn your name (I might even see you at Royal Ascot one year!).

However, make a start on sorting out your life (by asking for help you have made the first few steps, and you can continue with that progress). If you are having a bad day do not set yourself an unrealistic goal. For example, when you start using your bike, don't (on a bad day) set out to clean and service it, as if you do not finish it by the time you go to bed you will have set the stage for another bad day tomorrow. Rather, say "I will make a start on cleaning the bike". That way, even if you have only cleaned the spokes of one wheel you have an achievement to end the day on. That should help for the following day to be better. Somebody I know who suffers from depression will (on a bad day) try to sort out her sock drawer. Even if she only gets two pairs of socks sorted out it is progress. She NEVER sets targets (regardless of how good/bad the day is), only simple objectives. That way she will, each night when she goes to bed, have something positive to look back on.

+1 on the professional advice.

Agreed.

 

[Necronaught]

I have said this before. get down to your local Jiu Jitsu/MMA gym (they usually come hand in hand) I promise you will meet the best people in the world and you will be treated with respect. You will learn how to project confidence and maintain self discipline. Jiu Jitsu can be done by anyone at any fitness level. There will probably be be boxing, Muay Thai, Wrestling and Judo classes there as well. I recommend Jiu Jitsu to begin with. Anyone messes with you and they don't know Jiu Jitsu, they lose, it is that simple.

It's embarrassing how the average person with no training gets dominated. These bullies won't stand a chance after you have been training for a while. Want to make changes in your life then get after it.

 

[Iskariot]

Everyday is just wake up. Eat. Turn on computer for a 12 hours. Fall asleep. Repeat.

But oh no everyone around me would rather I just stay in my room all day. Much easier than getting me out of the hole I was shoved into.

Why did I have to get bullied? Why did have to be agitated so much that it literally drove me insane? Seriously, why couldn't they beat up someone else for a change?

Well, here I am. Alone, a prisoner in my own home.

Bloody hate it. I hate the way I've been pushed to the bottom of the barrel.

Really don't know how I'm getting out.

My one wish is to be normal. I don't want to be better than other people. I want to be equal to any other working class bloke. That's it.

/rant

I have no real insight in your problems, although I have read a bit here and there of what you told us about yourself.
My background is somewhat similar to yours and many years of bullying in my youth have damaged and distorted my personality in significant ways.
For me things did get easier over the years. When I got older (I am 54 now) I changed, and began to perceive my situation differently.
I have mostly accepted my situation. I know I will live alone until I die and I accept that. I do have a job at a school, which helps to structure my life.

You are still young, mid twenties, if I remember correctly. That is a difficult age to be an outsider, depending on the nature of your problems. I do not know what is possible for you. It seems important to me that you find something to do to occupy yourself with, something that adds structure to your life. Without that life will become a blur of empty days. It is important to have interests, hobbies etc. Things that can absorb you, that can make you forget about yourself.
If you are able to maintain friendships and relations then that is very important to do too. For me that is not really an option.
If you can find a purpose in life, believe in a purpose, then that will significantly lighten your journey through life. For me that too is extremely problematic.

I think I can understand your wish to be 'normal'. What you mean is that you want to be free of your specific problems.
But 'normal' people have problems too, loads of them, perhaps of a different nature, perhaps not as severe, but problems they do have.
I do not even believe that 'normal' people really exist. Every single one of them is abnormal in his/her own way.

You need to accept who you are and find a way to live your life to the best of your abilities and these abilities might improve over time if you work at them.
Most likely it will not be an ideal life, but it is what it is.

I would not recommend setting your diet as a major goal, like some have said. That is setting your self up for failure and disappointment. Diets are extremely difficult to maintain in the long run. 95% of people who diet fail at it sooner or later, especially when other, unaddressed, problems are the real source of the problem. Perhaps I am too pessimistic in this respect, but I have struggled my whole life with my weight. I think I know what I am talking about.

 

[Asp Explorer]

Ok - so we have all these things to work with.

You yourself, Language fluency, plenty of Time, and a Computer. You can use these. Consider it an opportunity.

Take a photo of your computer. Take the outer casing off. Have a look inside as much as possible - don't touch anything - just look and take pictures. Note from the pictures, google the names and numbers you see, and build up a list of what is generally visible. You want to build an idea of what a PC is. Why are the cables different colours and shapes? Why are there all these different connectors? What is the big silver thing, why does it have a fan? Start simple, and work up the knowledge.

Eventually you'll have worked out exactly what the gubbins inside the machine are - and start a working knowledge. Grab an old PC from relatives or from the street or a rubbish bin. It doesn't matter if it works or not. Take pictures of the inside and then take the thing entirely apart panel by panel, screw by screw, card by card, drive by drive, until you have a pile of components. Google the numbers, use your knowledge to work out what they are, and put it back together just as it looked in the photos for assembly practice. Try and start it up - if it works, great, but shut it down and take it to bits again, and put it back together and see if it still works. If it doesn't work - or has never worked at all - you'll still have learned something valuable.

It's something to do other than play games, you'll learn skills, and might even get another PC out of it. Then you can move on to assembling PC's from the beginning to the point of installing an OS, and once you are there further opportunities await. Want to learn OS troubleshooting? Want to learn networking? Want to learn software development? Want to learn building ultra-efficient boutique gaming rigs and selling them? Want a job in a PC repair/construction shop? Want to do the IT for a horse charity, get out the house, show off some skills, and help others in the generous donation of your time for free?

It's up to you.

 

[Slange Lands]

I have no real insight in your problems, although I have read a bit here and there of what you told us about yourself.
My background is somewhat similar to yours and many years of bullying in my youth have damaged and distorted my personality in significant ways.
For me things did get easier over the years. When I got older (I am 54 now) I changed, and began to perceive my situation differently.
I have mostly accepted my situation. I know I will live alone until I die and I accept that. I do have a job at a school, which helps to structure my life.

You are still young, mid twenties, if I remember correctly. That is a difficult age to be an outsider, depending on the nature of your problems. I do not know what is possible for you. It seems important to me that you find something to do to occupy yourself with, something that adds structure to your life. Without that life will become a blur of empty days. It is important to have interests, hobbies etc. Things that can absorb you, that can make you forget about yourself.
If you are able to maintain friendships and relations then that is very important to do too. For me that is not really an option.
If you can find a purpose in life, believe in a purpose, then that will significantly lighten your journey through life. For me that too is extremely problematic.

I think I can understand your wish to be 'normal'. What you mean is that you want to be free of your specific problems.
But 'normal' people have problems too, loads of them, perhaps of a different nature, perhaps not as severe, but problems they do have.
I do not even believe that 'normal' people really exist. Every single one of them is abnormal in his/her own way.

You need to accept who you are and find a way to live your life to the best of your abilities and these abilities might improve over time if you work at them.
Most likely it will not be an ideal life, but it is what it is.

I would not recommend setting your diet as a major goal, like some have said. That is setting your self up for failure and disappointment. Diets are extremely difficult to maintain in the long run. 95% of people who diet fail at it sooner or later, especially when other, unaddressed, problems are the real source of the problem. Perhaps I am too pessimistic in this respect, but I have struggled my whole life with my weight. I think I know what I am talking about.

Commander Iskariot,

Such self honesty and awareness is really rare. You are my new hero.

o7

 

[Deleted member 115407]

To be brutally honest mate and I say this in a genuinely caring manner.

Stop acting the victim, pull your finger out of your backside and do something about it.

You've had some amazing advice here on the forum in your threads and it's time to start acting on them.

Don't be afraid to fail, just pick yourself up and try again.

Nobody and I mean nobody can do something about it apart from yourself.

I mean it Uni, stop being the victim and acting like the victim, realise you're just as important and valued as everyone else on the planet.

(You can tell I'm a Dad to teenagers)

I know. I know it's just, every time I've tried I've quite literally been punched in the face.

You know, Un1, I think you've got a good heart, but these posts are starting to wear on me, and frankly I'm finding them to be selfish more and more as time wears on.

I don't believe that every time you've left the house of late that you've been literally "punched in the face". As a matter of fact, for one person to be the victim of one act of physical violence is rare. For another to be the victim of multiple acts is rarer than that, and you speak as though you quite literally can't walk outside of your house without some foul person besetting themself upon you physically.

And it's false, isn't it? A blatant exaggeration? You weren't punched in the face when you rode your bike that day. You weren't punched in the face when you were courting the girl with the dragon statue.

You may have problems, and some of those problems may be manifested in other people. But I firmly believe that the majority of them come from you - you have settled in on a mentality of persecution because it gives you the excuse you need to not get off your and better yourself like you know you should.

I think that for you, sympathy is a drug. It gives you that short burst of dopamine that makes you feel all tingly inside, but quickly wears off and when you decide to feel like again, you just turn back to the source for another hit.

Much as Frontier may not want me to say it, the best advice anyone can give you is to uninstall your video games, delete your accounts, and get off your and start improving yourself in a meaningful way without all of the excuses and exaggeration.

Vin

 

[Manticore]

You know, Un1, I think you've got a good heart, but these posts are starting to wear on me, and frankly I'm finding them to be selfish more and more as time wears on.

I'm sorry but I have to agree with this.

Everybody has problems or has had them. Life's a beach and then you die..... it was never meant to be a bed of roses etc. etc.

As I've said in previous posts about your situation I really question whether an internet gaming forum is an appropriate venue for landing this stuff. (This forum particularly can be hazardous). As the person I quoted said; there are a number of threads where you outline your condition/situation. We here obviously aren't helping on that basis, because we can't.

(I can think of one other forum where someone with significant psychological problems was doing what you are doing; asking for help, even though they didn't realise it. Their behaviour ended up trashing the forum and killing it because it drove people away; the game was dead anyway).

As has been said before, by myself and others, this is better left to those who really know you in the Real World^TM and, as has been said by myself and others including someone in this particular thread, nothing you can say to a bunch of anonymous Elite freaks and general gamers can really aid or support you so if the problem persists you should seek some type of professional advice and support in the Real World^TM.

Also; think to the people in the Real World^TM who do care about you and how your continuing issues concern them because they care.

Best wishes and take care.

 

[Bob Lighthouse]

I have no real insight in your problems, although I have read a bit here and there of what you told us about yourself.
My background is somewhat similar to yours and many years of bullying in my youth have damaged and distorted my personality in significant ways.
For me things did get easier over the years. When I got older (I am 54 now) I changed, and began to perceive my situation differently.
I have mostly accepted my situation. I know I will live alone until I die and I accept that. I do have a job at a school, which helps to structure my life.

You are still young, mid twenties, if I remember correctly. That is a difficult age to be an outsider, depending on the nature of your problems. I do not know what is possible for you. It seems important to me that you find something to do to occupy yourself with, something that adds structure to your life. Without that life will become a blur of empty days. It is important to have interests, hobbies etc. Things that can absorb you, that can make you forget about yourself.
If you are able to maintain friendships and relations then that is very important to do too. For me that is not really an option.
If you can find a purpose in life, believe in a purpose, then that will significantly lighten your journey through life. For me that too is extremely problematic.

I think I can understand your wish to be 'normal'. What you mean is that you want to be free of your specific problems.
But 'normal' people have problems too, loads of them, perhaps of a different nature, perhaps not as severe, but problems they do have.
I do not even believe that 'normal' people really exist. Every single one of them is abnormal in his/her own way.

You need to accept who you are and find a way to live your life to the best of your abilities and these abilities might improve over time if you work at them.
Most likely it will not be an ideal life, but it is what it is.

I would not recommend setting your diet as a major goal, like some have said. That is setting your self up for failure and disappointment. Diets are extremely difficult to maintain in the long run. 95% of people who diet fail at it sooner or later, especially when other, unaddressed, problems are the real source of the problem. Perhaps I am too pessimistic in this respect, but I have struggled my whole life with my weight. I think I know what I am talking about.

I agree with a great deal of what you're saying about "normal" etc.

That said you are way of base with the fitness part.

You're only 54.
You can change too.
Weight loss and fitness /= dieting.

I see success stories literally every day.
Also, mental health is one of the most overlooked benefits of exercise and fitness.

It's quality of life.

 

[LuxAeterna]

Me and OP can switch places for a while! I'm working 2 jobs from 7 AM through 11 PM every night, shower, sleep, repeat. I would love to be forced to sit at home and play games but I have bills to pay, as most adults do.

OP, get yourself a job, save up money, get your own place, car, life, a hobby, a girl or boyfriend, anything other than what you're doing right now. I think once you get some of the things listed, you'll feel better about yourself and your situation. You can be your own person and do what you want to do (when you have the time, ofc).

We could be worse off though... we could be three-toed sloths. I find comfort in that, oddly enough... [haha]

Lux Out!
o7

 

[Bob Lighthouse]

Me and OP can switch places for a while! I'm working 2 jobs from 7 AM through 11 PM every night, shower, sleep, repeat. I would love to be forced to sit at home and play games but I have bills to pay, as most adults do.

OP, get yourself a job, save up money, get your own place, car, life, a hobby, a girl or boyfriend, anything other than what you're doing right now. I think once you get some of the things listed, you'll feel better about yourself and your situation. You can be your own person and do what you want to do (when you have the time, ofc).

We could be worse off though... we could be three-toed sloths. I find comfort in that, oddly enough... [haha]

Lux Out!
o7

What's in the vice?