General / Off-Topic How do I tell everyone around me that I'm sick of it?

[Deleted member 110222]

Does it help to vent here? Sometimes an outlet is what is needed. But I would defo contact Mind or CAB in your area.

One other thing I'm happy being reclusive, I'm a natural introvert so my condition isn't too disruptive to my happiness, what drags me down is "outside" elements pulling me out of my comfort zone. But if you actually "want" to go out and socialise then that's something I can't really give much advice about.

It does help. It's why I do it. I never demand replies. These aren't threads I'll bump. It's really just a simple case of I need an outlet. Nobody is required to read these threads of mine. That's precisely why I post here. Technically, it's harmless. I wish I could talk to my family but they just tell me to shut up. So I stopped bothering with them.

My family have no idea how I am the moment, and it needs to stay that way as they've demonstrated that they are actively opposed to my state. I honestly don't trust them to remain calm. In fact, I've actually taken up talking to a friend's mum instead of my own.

I love my own mum, but she's not a good person to confide in.

 

[VR StarLightPL]

To be brutally honest mate and I say this in a genuinely caring manner.

Stop acting the victim, pull your finger out of your backside and do something about it.

You've had some amazing advice here on the forum in your threads and it's time to start acting on them.

Don't be afraid to fail, just pick yourself up and try again.

Nobody and I mean nobody can do something about it apart from yourself.

I mean it Uni, stop being the victim and acting like the victim, realise you're just as important and valued as everyone else on the planet.

(You can tell I'm a Dad to teenagers)

Oh my god. Me repping Sir T.j. Hell froze. Thanks Un1k0rn for the exhilarating experience!

 

[Aewarin Jameson]

And mental health care in the UK sucks.

You have no idea what you are talking about, it's almost comical.

In the UAE, where I am, mental health issues are taboo so trying to find someone to help you is almost impossible, on top of which any such medical assistance is not covered by insurance.

You're in the UK - get off your backside and go visit your doctor.

The moment you set the ball rolling is the day things get better - moaning on here isn't going to do jack.

 

[griffrawk]

I had a bit of a troubling episode myself about 2 years ago, ended up out of work, separated. I referred myself into the local NHS Mental Health facility. After some initial 'talking sessions' I then waited 18 months for a further referral into CBT. When you do get into the programmes they work well, and I had weekly sessions for about 4 months. It does take time to get on these programs, yes the funding is what it is, inadequate, unfortunately it has regional differences, maybe I was lucky.

I came out of it a better person. You have to make some changes outside of the program too. I started volunteering at a local park, I now go to a Buddhist meditation group. All these helped put things in perspective and broke the vicious circle. And I'm off the happy pills too.

One parting shot my therapist gave me was this link to some online resources. Dipping into these occasionally has provided all the extra reading I needed. http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself

Hope you get things sorted, but as the others have said, it has to start with you.

 

[krylite]

As an outside observer I'll just add some of my own thoughts. OP, it sounds like you're stuck in a depressive phase. I can relate to the bullying as I had it in grade school as well that screwed with me so I never became a "popular" person in school. I'd gotten in to a few fights in my 20's where I lost mostly and got my neck cracked, but one just keeps moving on with life, keep exercising, get away from toxic people, ignore people nearby who try to bait you, finish up school, college or some other goals i.e. set your own course. As someone mentioned, you seem to be stuck in your neighborhood , so as suggested, maybe try to change your situation where you're not surrounded by people who've known you too long and are against you. (or did you just move? a month or so ago?). Where there could be some place you can go walk to the stores, or some public parks. Maybe pick up a tennis racquet and try getting good at swinging it. It sounded like from a previous thread you were/are on some sort of public assistance? I'd suggest trying to get off it, or minimizing it as temporary or asking for help with the program officials towards vocational or educational opportunities. 24 is way too young to be dependent on the government just to live, and these are the years in life where you have the best physical potential where you don't have to worry about conditions and health insurance, and they never come back when it's gone and over with. Try to get assistance and intervention of some sort from your mental health organizations,if a local office is too quacky or unprofessional, try another one in another part of the city or in a different city. Or seek some vocational training where you can do something like electronics, auto or plane repair for example. There are also plenty of online courses on web design, coding, or classes on basic accounting, business, etc. I don't know how it is in the UK compared to the U.S. but aren't there plenty of government sponsored programs in the UK and Europe for higher education and vocational schools? Anyways, please consider getting real help and programs, or something like that. You don't want to be in your 30's still stuck in a similar situation. Best of luck , o7.

 

[Bob Lighthouse]

(lol hahahahahaha you are griefing us with your grief...... oh noes.... block!!!!!... solo!.....gut gid!)

LOL

 

[Hell Razor5543]

This is going to be a fairly complex post, but I believe it could help.

First, you have been told on numerous occasions to seek professional help. THIS is the BEST advise we can offer you. Everybody wants you to get through this. However, unless you get prefessional help it is unlikely that things will improve for you. All the well meaning advise we are offering you could be counter productive, and actually make things worse for you (I REALLY hope we are all actually helping you!!!).

I am going to ask you several questions. Please do NOT tell anybody the answers. These questions are (I hope) designed to help you sort some things out in your mind.

Question 1. Are you being bullied, or being controlled (for reasons ather than your well being and/or safety) at home? Barring the proviso, if you are being bullied or controlled at home you MUST somehow get out. Being trapped in a toxic (for you) home environment will prevent you from ever getting yourself sorted out. Bullying does not have to be physical, it can be emotional or intellectual. If a person is made to feel worthless, a waste of space, stupid (and so on) that is bullying and can be more damaging than a punch in the face. Everybody needs a place they can feel safe. If you do not truly have that place you will have little chance of improving your life (harsh, but true). However, if you are safe at home you have foundations you can build upon.

Question 2. Are you registered as disabled (and, if you are, are you receiving any benefits)?

Question 3. If you are registered as disabled, is anybody in your family registered as your carer (and, if they are, to the best of your knowledge are they receiving any benefits as well)?

Question 4. Do you (barring for reasons of safety and/or well being) have complete control of your own finances?

The reason I ask about the financial matters is that, if you are entitled to benefits but others have control over them (as well as receiving benefits themselves for looking after you), you may find they will resist you leaving home. They may not actually view YOU as a person, but merely a source of extra income. The proviso about safety and well being is that some people have no understanding of the concept of money, and could be vulnerable to unscrupulous people charging them way too much for goods or services.

 

[CMDR Cosmic Spacehead]

Meh, normal is overrated.

I do very little that is considered normal. If someone doesn't like it, that's not my problem.

Look around, everyone is so busy trying to be normal, it's ridiculous.

It's like attack of the clones or something. Lol

That said, my favourite place to be, is at home, alone, and my second favourite place is where no one else is...so maybe I'm not a good example...

Just be you.

CMDR Cosmic Spacehead

 

[Deleted member 110222]

So what do I do? Call the doctor tomorrow and say "I have no social skills whatsoever. Please help me learn some? Because I really can't go on like this anymore..."

Seriously. That's how out of whack I am. Knowing my luck I'll just get laughed at on the phone.

And I won't be taking MOAR medication as an acceptable solution. Either I get help learning how to socialise, and I mean real help, or I may as well remove myself from the equation. That's how bad it is, and I'm sick of people dismissing my feelings because I'm autistic.

I would like to make a life for myself too you know. Believe it or not us guys on the spectrum do have feelings.

 

[Manticore]

I had a bit of a troubling episode myself about 2 years ago, ended up out of work, separated. I referred myself into the local NHS Mental Health facility. After some initial 'talking sessions' I then waited 18 months for a further referral into CBT. When you do get into the programmes they work well, and I had weekly sessions for about 4 months. It does take time to get on these programs, yes the funding is what it is, inadequate, unfortunately it has regional differences, maybe I was lucky.

I came out of it a better person. You have to make some changes outside of the program too. I started volunteering at a local park, I now go to a Buddhist meditation group. All these helped put things in perspective and broke the vicious circle. And I'm off the happy pills too.

One parting shot my therapist gave me was this link to some online resources. Dipping into these occasionally has provided all the extra reading I needed. http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself

Hope you get things sorted, but as the others have said, it has to start with you.

Well said. Your last sentence is of crucial importance (and I added emphasis).

 

[Deleted member 110222]

Well said. Your last sentence is of crucial importance (and I added emphasis).

I'm calling the GP tomorrow morning, as soon as I have the house to myself.

I am going to be blunt. I feel like I'm going to take my own life. Medicine is not working; need practical help learning social skills that I missed out on during formative years. There is a reason I consider myself : Technically, I am.

 

[Slange Lands]

Try https://autisticuk.org/?

Volunteer groups and advocates might be more accessible and less distasteful to you. I am in the US so I don't know the reputation of the above organization, but I strongly suggest you contact some autism advocacy group. They will understand you the best and you will have to do less repeated explaining of your symptoms to them for them to get the point. Most importantly, they will also know who are the most competent mental health providers and perhaps the most effective self-help techniques. In addition, the really savvy ones will be able to teach you how to communicate more effectively with a mental health provider so that the outcome is less seemingly fruitless.

I bet UK autism groups also have forum groups so you can spam them, too.

(but you still have to spam us or we will be quite hurt)

 

[Slange Lands]

Remind yourself that your social skills on this forum are just fine and that you are a very active and much beloved member. You may need help with actual physical encounters with people but do not negate your experience with us as being less valid than any physical encounters. Would you discount our opinions and very cherished beliefs because we are physically not next to you? I think not.

 

[Asp Explorer]

II am going to be blunt. I feel like I'm going to take my own life.

Just don't.

Even walking into A&E or a police station will be better than that.

Seek help.

 

[CMDR Cosmic Spacehead]

So what do I do? Call the doctor tomorrow and say "I have no social skills whatsoever. Please help me learn some? Because I really can't go on like this anymore..."

Seriously. That's how out of whack I am. Knowing my luck I'll just get laughed at on the phone.

And I won't be taking MOAR medication as an acceptable solution. Either I get help learning how to socialise, and I mean real help, or I may as well remove myself from the equation. That's how bad it is, and I'm sick of people dismissing my feelings because I'm autistic.

I would like to make a life for myself too you know. Believe it or not us guys on the spectrum do have feelings.

Social skills come with practice.
You literally just need to talk to people. Sounds hard, and it is, but it's exactly what I'm going through.
I'm a social . Lol (mildly autistic, with ADHD)
But I've gone from not talking to anyone, ever, to having a random group of women invite me to lunch on work lunch breaks, and buy me lunch.
(Although I do wonder if they're taking me in as a gay best friend, but I'm not gay... Lol)

My girlfriend is annoyed of course, she told me to be more social, and now I don't know what I'm doing.

The point is, just find a reason to chat to people. Strangers, ideally, so if you say something wrong, you don't have to deal with it. Lol
Just get over the initial fear of striking up a conversation. Everyone fails at conversations in one way or another, just don't dwell on it.

I routinely say stuff then get an odd look. Lol
Comes with the territory.

Just shrug it off and move on.

 

[Patrick_68000]

The most important thing is to stay what you are and not give yourself another face.

And also remain indifferent and relax against the unpleasant reactions of others.

With these two principles, you have two weapons which allow you to meet the right people sooner or later.

And do not forget we are always the idiot of another.

Even the most beautiful, the richest, the smartest will always be the idiot of another

 

[Cmdr Eagleboy]

I'm calling the GP tomorrow morning, as soon as I have the house to myself.

I am going to be blunt. I feel like I'm going to take my own life. Medicine is not working; need practical help learning social skills that I missed out on during formative years. There is a reason I consider myself : Technically, I am.

As I said before - take social skill steps slowly. There is no miracle solution. Find someone who interacts with you, at least one person, and try to do that. Little by little. Try to do that more. Even talking here, on forums will help you. Trust me, I was socially inept when I got out of high school, but just started to work towards better understanding from everyone. I realized that I love life way more. I feel you do too. So no worries, don't give up, *find* people who can help you, and take it slowly. Don't rush to judgement about how good you can be as human being. You don't know that. Yes, you have been left behind, but doesn't mean you can't catch up. You can. On your own time and terms.

Most importantly - take it easy. Others don't know you and they can't judge you. They might save some nasty things, or reject you, don't listen. Stay positive and look for positivity around you.

 

[VR StarLightPL]

need practical help learning social skills that I missed out on during formative years. There is a reason I consider myself : Technically, I am.

I'd say from your forum conversations that your social skills are on a sufficient level. You seem a likeable person, really. You only need people you can find common ground with, or expand your own knowledge about the outside world to be able to socially engage. That said, call the GP anyway, because there might be other things we armchair psychologists are not aware of.

 

[Deleted member 110222]

I'd say from your forum conversations that your social skills are on a sufficient level. You seem a likeable person, really. You only need people you can find common ground with, or expand your own knowledge about the outside world to be able to socially engage. That said, call the GP anyway, because there might be other things we armchair psychologists are not aware of.

I think there is stuff, hell, not just you guys but I'm unaware of.

 

[Cmdr Eagleboy]

I'd say from your forum conversations that your social skills are on a sufficient level. You seem a likeable person, really. You only need people you can find common ground with, or expand your own knowledge about the outside world to be able to socially engage. That said, call the GP anyway, because there might be other things we armchair psychologists are not aware of.

Very seconded here +1.

I think there is stuff, hell, not just you guys but I'm unaware of.

You, as many of us, need professional help. Seek it. Don't do it as me - I spent considerable time of my life without it in suffering in many important moments in my life. I am surprised I survived that.