Elite themed cracker jokes

JeffRyan

JeffRyan
Why should you be careful when fighting the community manager?

Because he's Ed-ly.

What do you get if you cross an Anaconda and a Sidewinder?

A small explosion.

What do you get if you cross an Anaconda and a Cobra?

A bigger explosion.

What were Emperor Hengist's last words?

Where did you say this wine was from Blaine?
 

Kolato

Kolato
What do federation pledged explorers say when arriving in empire space?
Finally i'm back in uncivilized space!
 

fennster

fennster
What is Dracula's favourite part of Elite?

Community Ghouls.

#You can thank my spell checker and some bad typing for that one#
 
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Frank

Frank
Flash_Baggins said:
Ive read them all up to here. Can I kill myself now?
Click to expand...

We don't want you dying so soon and missing all the fun. We have expert physicians on hand to ensure you don't get away from us. We want to prolong the torture as long as possible...


Q: How many Code pirates does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: 4. They always do everything together in the maximum you can fit in a wing.
 

insanephoton

insanephoton
Q. How many Thargoids does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None, Thargoids aren't afraid of the dark.


I hear that the Alliance tried to make a space ship out of wood. It had a wooden hull, wooden thrusters and wooden frame shift drive. Unfortunately it wouldn't go.
 

Titus Balls

Titus Balls
I posted this one on Twitter yesterday:

Q: Why could I not have a bath after playing Elite: Dangerous ?

A: COS IT BROKE MAH IMMERSION
 
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Frank

Frank
Q: How many Hutton Truckers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Let's see.. There're three needed to scope out the problem and to plan the best route, five needed to publicise the changing of the lightbulb event which includes the radio shout-outs and the printing of the leaflets. The actual event requires at least 6 wings of cargo ships, and each of those wings require at least two wings of fighter escorts to keep the pirates at bay. Although not technically Hutton Truckers, there has to be a full complement of Fuel Rats on hand to service the flotilla of ships. There's the one Hutton Trucker that has to nip over to the nearest commodity market to replace the lightbulb that the pirates managed through the use of cargo hatch drones to take from the Anaconda that had it. And then there's the 70 people who have to go on the forums afterwards to state what a successful event it was, and how although the pirates had technically won, it was still a great moral victory for the Hutton Truckers.
 

Mack

Mack
Titus Balls said:
I posted this one on Twitter yesterday:

Q: Why could I not have a bath after playing Elite: Dangerous ?

A: COS IT BROKE MAH IMMERSION
Click to expand...

Small tweak perhaps.... (just sayin''' lol)

Q: Why couldn't I get out of the bath after playing Elite: Dangerous ?

A: COS IT BROKE MAH IMMERSION
 

Cmdr Mackara

C
Q: What's the difference between an Asp, a Cobra and a Viper lined up to dock and a 2006 Action film?

A: One is snakes on a plane and the other is a terrible film.
 

Hell Razor5543

H
insanephoton said:
Q. How many Thargoids does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None, Thargoids aren't afraid of the dark.


I hear that the Alliance tried to make a space ship out of wood. It had a wooden hull, wooden thrusters and wooden frame shift drive. Unfortunately it wouldn't go.
Click to expand...

Bob Shaw managed to make wooden spacecraft. Check out the books "The Ragged Astronauts" and "The Wooden Spaceships".
 

deMangler

deMangler
Q. What is the functional difference between an NPC ship and the same type of ship flown by a player with an identical loadout?
A. No idea, could be anything, no way to tell.*

*Disclaimer: As this is a joke it does not count towards me breaking my no complaining at Christmas thingy.
 
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