Screen shots won’t be able to do justice to Round Seventeen of Empyrion: Galactic Survival. So instead you get a story.
Gather round, boys and girls, for the story of Lieutenant Bloodtooth of the Zirax Empire.
Now, keep in mind that Lt. Bloodtooth is neither his rank nor his actual name. It is merely the English equivalents for the Zirax versions of his title and family name. A more literal translation of his rank would be “One who has survived 20 combat engagements.” It is assumed that anyone who has survived so long knows what they are doing, and thus they are placed in charge of the Zirax equivalent of a platoon, minor installations, or multi-crewed vessels. His family name is completely unpronounceable by humans, and is more of a promise of what they’ll do to their enemies, than the adjective-noun construction presented here.
Lt. Bloodtooth was also an idiot.
Now, most sapient life in the Andromeda Galaxy would consider such a statement, regarding the Zirax in general, to be one of the fundamental axioms of the Universe, such as “1+1=2,” “never tempt fate,” or “Star Citizen is five years from release, and always will be.” The truth is far more complex. A civilization doesn’t conquer much of the galaxy by being a race of idiots. It’s just that most of the galaxy was far more acquainted with the typical Zirax warrior, than they were the other castes of Zirax society.
Zirax warriors weren’t idiots either. Instead, they were carefully indoctrinated to be aggressive, fearless, xenophobic, unquestioningly obedient, and indifferent to anything outside of their role in society. The results of this program would rush into battle, heedless of casualties, focused solely on destroying their targets. Those who survived their first few encounters would see their authority and responsibilities increase within the Imperial Zirax Military, a type of military Darwinian selection in action. The Zirax believed that any who survived their "bloodying tour" would be a cut above the rest. They failed to account for blind luck.
Lt. Bloodtooth was a being of phenomenal luck. He had a knack for being in the right place at the right time, while simultaneously avoiding the the wrong places and times. In any other military in the galaxy, his service record would’ve included numerous evaluations by superior officers, independent testing authorities, and other ways of separating the fortunate from the truly extraordinary. The Zirax didn’t do this, which explained how a being like Lt. Bloodtooth came to be in command of small, isolated, and unimportant outpost. Which was fortunate for him, because had been in charge of anywhere else, his incompetence might have drawn the ire of his immediate supervisor, and been immediately shot.
Such was the way of the Zirax.
Sadly for Lt. Bloodtooth, this was the day his luck finally ran out.
His most unfortunate day began when one of his high speed interceptor drones crashed. He had been ordered to dispatch three of them to a nearby Terran wreck, and had never thought to recall them. 'I should recall the other two for refueling,' he thought. A more curious Zirax officer might’ve thought to inquire about
what caused the crash. After all, their Fusion Cells were capable of powering them for
decades before requiring replacement. And while curiosity may have been actively discouraged during the initial training period, the few that survived their "bloodying tour" were naturally curious. Curiosity had never been strength of Lt. Bloodtooth, so he never thought that far ahead. And so, the extremely lengthy "dogfight" between Interceptor Drone TD-117a-937, and a small Terran armed transport called the "Micro-Hauler," went unnoticed.
Several hours later, the second of Lt. Bloodtooth's interceptor drones crashed. This was soon followed the third. A more learned Zirax officer might have made the connection between the time that passed between the the initial crash, and the two that followed, the distance from their outpost and a Terran base on the planet below, and how long it would take to fabricate and install additional thrusters and weapons to increase the overall lethality of the Terran transport. But extra-curricular learning was actively discouraged during the initial training period, and reading made Lt. Bloodtooth's head hurt.
Instead, he made a note to complain to the techs about shoddy maintenance. Drones were following out of the sky, almost on a direct line between the crashed Terran capital ship and his outpost. How was he supposed to defend it against the many enemies of the Zirax Empire if his drones kept falling out of the sky?
His day continued to get worse, as the wave of malfunctions spread into his base. Interior defensive turrets were malfunctioning on the ground floor of his base, and so were the medical sensors installed in his platoon's armor. If he didn't know any better, it was as if his people were dying, room by room, in a counter-clockwise circle around the base's central elevator shaft. Sentry robots were also malfunctioning down there as well.
This wouldn't do at all! He ordered what was left this command to stop and perform an immediate diagnostic on all their equipment. If the enemy attacked now, it would be a disaster!
He frowned at the screen in front of him, as the malfunctions spread to the second floor. This time, he could hear explosions on the floor below him. Maybe the last shipment of power cells was faulty? Someone below seemed to have a faulty laser rifle. The darn thing kept discharging. Not to mention the occasional shotgun blast. This wouldn't do at all! He was going to have to give a stern lecture about the importance of gun safety at this rate!
Finally, the malfunctions reached the top floor of his outpost. The first malfunction was heralded by laser fire, followed by the destruction of the turret defending the top of the elevator shaft. He then heard quiet footsteps behind him. He frowned. He'd given orders for his command to inspect their equipment. They shouldn't be wandering around like that! He had half a mind to turn around and reprimand the offender, but he was still trying to trace down the source of the malfunctions!
Then came the extremely loud discharge of a shotgun behind him, followed closely by a second. The second slug struck him in the arm. Fortunately for him, the first slug had ripped into the back of the head of the Terran survivor who had been creeping up behind him.
"Are you okay, sir?" his senior platoon sergeant asked, before sending two more slugs from his shotgun into the body of the Terran intruder.
"Nothing a medi-pack won't fix," Lt. Bloodtooth said, gingerly touching the hole in his arm. "How did a Terran get into our base?"
"They fought their way in, sir. Didn't you notice?"
"I guess that would explain all the malfunctions," Lt. Bloodtooth froze, a horrifying thought occurring to him. "Does this count as a combat engagement?"
"If the enemy is seconds away from blowing your head off your shoulders, yes. This would make it your 25th one, correct? Congratulations, sir!"
The 25th combat encounter was the a really special one for a Zirax warrior. It was the one where they would return to their Homeworld, where they would be
evaluated by Imperial Command. They would make him take
tests! And attend
classes!
And thus, Lt. Bloodtooth returned to Ziraxia. Where, upon review of his service record, he was declared to be "too stupid to be useful in the military," and sent to a lab to serve as a test subject for the development of new survival gear.
What's the moral of this story, gentle reader? Why, if your a Terran survivor attempting clear a Zirax outpost, always send your drone to scout ahead of you. You never know if there's a competent Zirax warrior creeping up behind you as you're angling for a clear shot at the idiot looking the other way, completely oblivious to your approach. Drones are disposable. You're not.
Current Score: Space Engineers 2: Empyrion Galactic Survival 1
Next Time on EGS:SE - In a parallel universe, a Terran survivor finds herself plummeting towards a planet, far from home. Rather than the green and blue marble of an Earth-like world, she'll have to survive the rigors of an arid planet. The goal remains to build a
functional Sidewinder.
But first: on SE-Squared - Installing the Life Support Systems.