Well, heck. I have here a fine, fine slightly in-stock capital ship that crews no more than eighty of the finest commandos and crewteams this side of Stanton. Now see, look, c'mere...closer, closer. Now, son, it don't look like much now but imagine -- use that powerful tool all our brains come standard with -- imagine you're out there, deep in the black, and all your friends are aboard, and yer fighting with dozens of other capital ships, dozens of em, lasers 'n missiles firing and twinklin' like a million far off stars. You can't tell me that wouldn't just be swell, right? And you can see it, right?
So yeah, just plop down some creds friend (none of that aUEwhatever, Warbond only here I'm afraid -- man's gotta eat, ya see) and why in just a few scant years, maybe just even two, all that imaginary fightin' and hollerin' and fun-havin' will be real. Real as the dirt under your t-pose model, yessir.
Now, course, now that you've purchased said capital fun-having ship, I think it might be time to tell you (not now, course, but just after the refund window -- ah, there we go) that, well -- dang, I just ain't got no better way to put it -- we ain't really know how any of that is really gonna work. Sure, sure we had a plan, sorta, but every engineer in the gosh danged system kept saying its absolutely impossible, that it'd probably take a dozen years of solid R&D, new global technological advancements and blah blah...well we fired all those guys, brought in a new team of Full Sail grads, and they done got down to the task at hand.
Okay, now, yes, they failed. But they tried! You shoulda seen 'em, all their hopes and dreams crushed, working fifteen hours a day trying to understand code written by a drunk Turkish fella nearly a decade ago. Sure, sure, yes, they couldn't even understand a quarter of it, but they kept on anyway, adding new and vast improvements -- yes, sure, right, look: they do break often. But they tried, dangit. That's gotta count for something out here in this godsforsaken sector.
So after them kids left we brought these new guys in and they are saying some good stuff -- well, son, I mean good for us. Not for you. Because they straight up said that those fun-havin' dreams of yours are just that: dreams. But hey, you gotta love those realists! Boy, I sure do. But yeah, sorry son, no big battles out in the black. Heck, if you're in a big ol capital ship like the fine, semi-useless one you just purchased from me, you might not even ever fight another capital ship the entire time you're playing. Not cuz they scared o ya, but just because our servers can't handle the load without causing some type of singularity. I think some of them Full Sail grads got sucked into the first one, and boy howdy, we really don't wanna see that happen to any other nice kids round these parts.
Anyway, enjoy the loads of lore bout your brand spankin' new ship that, uh, lemme see here, might actually be in the game and playable...sometime in...2026? Is that right? 2026...at the earliest?! Earl, is that crap right?! But we started selling these darn things in 2013! Uh, I mean, yessir, delivery will be any day now!
Any day...