Welcome back, Aashen. This is much more the analytical you again.
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The problem here is where to draw the line.
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Some of the big weapons pack a massive punch and people tend to have more than one of them on board. To go to extremes, picture a pair of G5 overcharged C4 Plasma Accelerators. (Yes, overcharge is not the usual modification done to them, but if you aim to do the maximum damage per shot, it's the way to go. ) Imagine that pair of Plasma Accelerators hit an unmodded Sidewinder. This doesn't just leave a small dent on the shields.
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Even if you'd make the regulations very lenient, and you'd only get to assault when you damage dealt equals 80% of the targets shield capacity, some weapon layouts would still be able to do enough damage for an assault charge. At the same time, due to how defenses scale in this game, the high punch is necessary to also be able to harm high defense targets. Thus any actual fix for these problems requires to first bring shield strength in line again. So in the end, the current C&P issues here are rooted in our current balance issues. As long as they are not addressed, this problem of C&P also can't be taken care of.
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Also, this one has one glaring problem:
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Implement it like that and railguns will be the absolute exploit. Fire at an NPC without selecting it as a target and it'll not react till it explodes.
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Mind you, in pure theory some "i am sorry" mechanic would be great, but in the end it has the same issues as the difference between "reckless weapon discharge" vs. "assault". Within the current weapon and defense scaling, it's not possible to find a point where it would generally be useful without also creating (rather simple to reach) cases, where it could be exploited for easy kills.
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That all being said, i generally agree with your notion that C&P still can use a lot if improvement. Unfortunately i don't see how to reach a point which would please all sides as long as the current balancing of weapons and defences is in place. Only when defence (and then in turn perhaps also offense) is brought more in line again, it'll be possible to give C&P better threshold values to work with.
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It could also be said that anyone with that much firepower and ability to use that much fire power should have other weapons on their ship and using the big guns lets say all the time no matter what the target is is a bit of an overkill and they should know when to use them and when not to and at what distance they should use them.
But in my opinion FD does need to address the situations of friendly fire, grazing etc then npc murders the other npc etc. Murder is not murder unless you actually murder them. Also why not just have it that you can pay your bounty at every station and outpost. Then there wouldn't be a problem with cmdrs being stuck. And the noriety should decay in real time not game time or lower the time for the first 2 levels of noriety so minor or accidents don't have to wait soo long. For levels above that well to bad your purposely doing it so deal.