General / Off-Topic [Girlfriend Trouble] Whoops!

[ilo]

Lets play devils side here.. you told her twice you were going to stop it and you lied to her.

Just talk to her, tell her the truth, you can't stop playing games, it is your venting mechanism, it is your 'distraction' from your tightening marriage (you can omit this part) and you use to release the frustration of not having kids.

You have a win-win conversation there.. you streaming this, right?

PS: I'm 100% go talk to her, you are both grown up, if she doesn't let you some space, called personal, you are both advocate to a big failure sooner or later.

 

[Stigbob]

Stigbob may have accidentally hit on the solution.

When sitting there watching brain dead TV with her point out every little detail that makes absolutely NO sense.

Be as polite and civil about it as possible of course, but make it perfectly clear that, while you value your time with her, WHAT you are doing is neither a) entertaining or b) enjoyable.

There's nothing accidental about it matey, I find playing guess the murderer/ending to be most efficacious.

 

[Deleted member 115407]

There's nothing accidental about it matey, I find playing guess the murderer/ending to be most efficacious.

lol... I love you, stigbob.

 

[Chris Simon]

Lets play devils side here.. you told her twice you were going to stop it and you lied to her.

Just talk to her, tell her the truth, you can't stop playing games, it is your venting mechanism, it is your 'distraction' from your tightening marriage (you can omit this part) and you use to release the frustration of not having kids.

You have a win-win conversation there.. you streaming this, right?

PS: I'm 100% go talk to her, you are both grown up, if she doesn't let you some space, called personal, you are both advocate to a big failure sooner or later.

There is no such thing as a "win-win" conversation with a woman.

They will do that over and again. She finds a hobby of yours that she knows you enjoy and with which she "was fine" when you met and tell you to stop. Then it's up to you. You can say no, if you're strong personality, in which case she's going to retreat and try again later. Or you will agree and you're hers. Either you really stop with your hobby and will be occasionally "asked to cease and desist" more and more often, regarding more personal freedoms, or you will continue behind her back, in which case you end up in this situation.
No, you can't "win" this.

Btw. I am NOT talking about women generally, just about this one type of woman.

 

[Arry]

I notice that the female of the species is staying well away from this one.

 

[The Chairmaker]

I think the important thing to do is get to the bottom of why she does not want you playing games. What she has apparently told you so far comes across as extremely ignorant of gaming and i think its important to understand how she came by this view.

Once you have done this you can hopefully have a sensible conversation about what it means to you.

For all you know she may have had a very bad experience in the past with a gamer and she is worried you will go the same way.

As things stand being deceitful and playing games behind her back isnt really a sign of a working relationship IMO, neither are her alleged implied threats to throw you out.

 

[Ian Skippy]

Dump her. If she is unwilling to allow you your hobby, then she's a selfish who isn't worth your time. Apparently it's ok if you watch tv but not play video games?

It's your responsibility to give her due time and attention. It not your responsibility to bin what makes you happy just because she doesn't dig it.

And what passtimes, pray tell, has she given up for you?

That being said, you should have manned up long ago and told her you were going to indulge in your hobby whether she likes it or not.

Nothing to add to this.

 

[ilo]

There is no such thing as a "win-win" conversation with a woman.

Wait, no, pay attention...

you use to release the frustration of not having kids.

There is the trick..

 

[Vasco Sapien]

So long story short, my girlfriend and I have been together like 10 years or something (I forget... Lol). She knew I loved gaming when we met, but has since been trying to stop me. No idea why I allowed this, but I did. Hey ho.
Anyhoo, about 4 years back, she basically gave me the ultimatum, stop playing games or move out. At the time, we'd just moved in together, so I couldn't afford to move out, not even with my parents (because I had 6 months rent to pay regardless...!).
So I said I'd stop. And I did, for a while. Tried to get used to watching boring TV. Didn't work. Brain needs stimulation!
So I started again. In secret!
What could possibly go wrong?
I hid everything on my PC, even kept my gamepad in the attic and got it out each time I needed it.
Even did a few upgrades without her noticing. Lol

I did pretty well, had some close calls, and my PC was insistent on giving it away as much as possible (saving screenshots, randomly trying to load steam, etc). Lol
But I kept it under wraps...

Up until about January this year.
My PC caught me out, and loaded steam with Windows (despite me telling it not too), and my girlfriend noticed. (Why does windows ignore everything you tell it!?)

BUSTED!

So, I confessed, that I'd only played them "a bit"...(1000 hours in ED......).
She mostly got over it, but kept insisting I stop playing.
Several arguements later, she once again gave me the ultimatum.
No idea why, but I agreed again, and cut out gaming for a few weeks.
So instead I watched videos of gaming... Lol
Then I got the itch for 3.0, and fancied starting my own video channel. So I did. Spent aggggeess making sure my video capture didn't stick videos in my video library, and triple checked it.
Perfectly hidden! *Selected hide file*... Lol

All has been good up until today, when I called her after work to decide dinner.... (she's been home all day watching TV no doubt, so obviously couldn't decide while I was at work...!)

My PC has randomly started saving screenshots, to my photos folder!
No idea why, or how, because it wasn't set to save them there. Nor have I purposely saved any screenshots!
But my girlfriend opened up our photo library to see lots of ED screenshots.

Well crap, busted again!

Now she insists she can't trust me, and all that crap, claims if I can hide games, I can hide cheating, or anything.
And I think she wants me to move out.

And to be honest, I'm getting fed up with her odd stance towards gaming in general. Her view is it's for kids or 40 year old phedophiles...

So we just had the most awkward conversation on the phone, which was mostly silence...then hung up.

But i just finished work, and I'd like to go home... But I don't know if I should, or just go to my parents.

If I go home, I'll get moaned at some more, and have to do the whole argument again, probably about 11 times. And not get dinner.
If I go to my parents, I'll have to explain why I'm there... Which is awkward.

But I'm hungry. So I need to go somewhere.

Hmmmmm... I also have images of my PC being thrown out the window...

Not sure what to do now...lol

Help?

CMDR Cosmic Spacehead

its seems that communication is an issue here. What if you had another hobby that involved you spending alot of time in a shed building things and she saw you just as little as she does now with gaming being your hobby. Would she also have stereo type insults and reasons as to why you should stop?

Either way you not being there for her as much as she would like makes her feel that she is generally alone and neglected in your relationship.

Blackmailing you however into zero time doing the thing you love which is very much a hobby of yours isnt fair and demonstrates to me that you two do not communicate enough.

You capitulating outright and sneaking around behind her back, just reinforces her belief that she is absolutely right and you realise that you are absolutely wrong and you know it.

You both need to sit down and talk... and talk honestly. If you both wish to save the relationship then a state of compromise born from mutual understanding can be achieved.
She shouldnt be allowed to control you and outright prevent you from doing what you enjoy and use negative stereo types to enforce her point. Shaming you into change. That is abusive behaviour.

You should be allowed to engage in your own personal interests. However her conserns also need to be considered and that is something that you really need to commit some time to. I would argue that opening up, being honest and talking it through is needed and you shouldnt feel coerced or intimidated into not expressing your position and niether should she. Niether of you should use blackmail or shaming to control the others position, you should both reconcile in the middle with compromise that you both feel is fair.

Dont sneak. Man up and talk to her.

 

[seanguzzi]

Control issues. She has them.

Cut her loose, move on, don't look back.

Granted, some guys enjoy being in a relationship where they are controlled. I mean they'll groan about it, but will eventually comply and stay.

Only you know if you are one of those guys.

 

[Chris Simon]

Control issues. She has them.

Cut her loose, move on, don't look back.

Granted, some guys enjoy being in a relationship where they are controlled. I mean they'll groan about it, but will eventually comply and stay.

Only you know if you are one of those guys.

I think from what he told us, he's NOT one of those guys who enjoy it.

 

[seanguzzi]

I think from what he told us, he's NOT one of those guys who enjoy it.

Yeahbut...10 years.... :S

 

[Flimley]

Nothing is worth all that repression on your character. We are all who we are. It sounds miserable to me.

Conversely, my girlfriend makes me cups of coffee while I’m in space and will even bring me snacks. Great days. \o/

Flimley

 

[Chris Simon]

Yeahbut...10 years.... :S

Aye, it's a long time to just throw away.
But it's up to OP to judge while looking back at these 10 years. Does he want 40 more of these?

 

[Bob Lighthouse]

A man marries the woman in a vain hope that she'll never change, but she does.
A woman marries the man in a vain hope that she's going to change him, but he never will.

My brother married a girl just the OP describes.
They're now divorced with a kid in the mix.

 

[Deleted member 115407]

You capitulating outright and sneaking around behind her back, just reinforces her belief that she is absolutely right and you realise that you are absolutely wrong and you know it.

It also demonstrates to her that she is stronger and in control, i.e. that you are weak. Women don't want a weak man.

Do your thing without apology. If she's down with you pursuing your interests, then she'll come to you. If she isn't... pfft.

 

[Deleted member 115407]

Nothing is worth all that repression on your character. We are all who we are. It sounds miserable to me.

Conversely, my girlfriend makes me cups of coffee while I’m in space and will even bring me snacks. Great days. \o/

Flimley

Flimley...

Guy looks like a marauding space maniac who burns down villages for fun.... writes and contributes like the most upbeat, enthusiastic, content dude on the entire forum.

Be like Flimley.

Hooray for everything \o/

 

[Jenner]

its seems that communication is an issue here. What if you had another hobby that involved you spending alot of time in a shed building things and she saw you just as little as she does now with gaming being your hobby. Would she also have stereo type insults and reasons as to why you should stop?

Either way you not being there for her as much as she would like makes her feel that she is generally alone and neglected in your relationship.

Blackmailing you however into zero time doing the thing you love which is very much a hobby of yours isnt fair and demonstrates to me that you two do not communicate enough.

You capitulating outright and sneaking around behind her back, just reinforces her belief that she is absolutely right and you realise that you are absolutely wrong and you know it.

You both need to sit down and talk... and talk honestly. If you both wish to save the relationship then a state of compromise born from mutual understanding can be achieved.
She shouldnt be allowed to control you and outright prevent you from doing what you enjoy and use negative stereo types to enforce her point. Shaming you into change. That is abusive behaviour.

You should be allowed to engage in your own personal interests. However her conserns also need to be considered and that is something that you really need to commit some time to. I would argue that opening up, being honest and talking it through is needed and you shouldnt feel coerced or intimidated into not expressing your position and niether should she. Niether of you should use blackmail or shaming to control the others position, you should both reconcile in the middle with compromise that you both feel is fair.

Dont sneak. Man up and talk to her.

As usual, Vasco says it much better than I ever could.

 

[Chris Simon]

Flimley...

Guy looks like a marauding space maniac who burns down villages for fun.... writes and contributes like the most upbeat, enthusiastic, content dude on the entire forum.

Be like Flimley.

Hooray for everything \o/

Flimey is friend-shaped. An Elite version of capybara.

 

[Deleted member 115407]

When I have access to a rep button, I'm going to be blasting some white hot rep all over the participants in the thread. Just FYI.