Elite themed cracker jokes

Mrjupp

Mrjupp
Why does Elite play perfectly on Christmas Day?
Because the software engineers are on holiday.

What is the furthest distance an explorer has traveled into space in Elite?
Nowhere, it's a game silly.

What do you do when someone lets out a rip roaring fart in your spaceship?
Remember not to stock baked beans on long journeys.

How do you know when your Life Support is critical?
Because someone farted in the cockpit.
 
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SpitTheDog

S
Q: Do you know just how far it is to Hutton Orbital?

A: Far enough for them to call you a Hutton Mug

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Q: Why wasn't Robert happy with his Star Citizen underwear on Christmas morning?

A: Because it's just pants!
 

Frank

Frank
Q: Why did those intrepid explorers jump into their spaceships and risk life and limb, spending months of monotonous travel, cataloguing the wondrous sights they saw as they crossed the galaxy?

A: To get to the other side.
 

Little Amanda

L
A CMDR was rescued from a wreckage in an Asteroid Belt.
Rescue team: "What happened?"
CMDR: I took one too many a shot at Jameson yesterday...
.-.--///--.-.-
A pirate CMDR walks into a bar in the morning.
Barman: "What are you after today?"
CMDR with a grim expression on his face: "Jameson"
---...----//----
One fellow explorer to another:
"So what do you think?"
"I think Erimus had a Big Point there..."
 
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ocflyer

ocflyer
RancidRance said:
A Sidewinder, a Vulture and a Type-9 jump into a RES Site. The Vulture says "I'm going to go Bountry Hunting, it's the best source of income in the game", the Type-9 says "Well I'm going to go Mining because it's the safest form of income in the game" the Sidewinder doesn't say anything because he flew into an asteroid and blew up.
Click to expand...

Actually, this one is funny!
 

Frank

Frank
Q: W h y w a s t h e O r i o n M i n e r t a l k i n g i n
s u c h a s p a c e d - o u t w a y ?

A: B e c a u s e h e k e p t h i t t i n g t h e s p a c e b a r
 
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SpitTheDog

S
A Fed, an Imperial and an Alliance Commander walk into a bar.

The Fed orders a beer, the Imperial orders a Scotch, and the Alliance pilot orders a.....

Well I'm not quite sure what he ordered because I've spent all of the development time for this joke fleshing out the Fed and Imperial part and sort of forgot about the Alliance. Im sure I'll get round to it Soon(tm) though. ;)

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Q: What do snowman body builders take?

A: Icesteroids
 

Foxiol Eagle

Foxiol Eagle
-"I was an Elite pilot like you...until I took an asp to the knee."

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-A captain and the co-pilot (in multi-crew) inside of an Imperial Cutter were having a talk after the Cutter got stuck at the main entrance (Ships 1.5 Beta 1):

Captain: "I think we are stuck in here, can you check if something is wrong at the back?"

Co Pilot: "No, but is your mother coming with us?"

Captain: **Looking at his right without saying a word, "cargo scoop open"** (¬_¬)


**Ship goes through**

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-Same captain and co-pilot inside of the Imperial Cutter that got stuck at the entrance, having a talk while trying to land in a 6.7G's world:

Captain: "Oh well, I think your mother is coming with us too..."

Co-pilot: "Son of a..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**I see myself out**
 
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