Throw myself at the mercy of the missus!
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It all comes down to how each side views the "promise" I think it's clear that FD felt they had to choose between two conflicting "promises" online and offline. FD decided that online was the more important one. For the majority of backers that was the right call. For some it was the wrong call.
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I think the strength of feeling may have taken FD by surprise (as it often takes husbands by surprise how much anniversaries mean to their wives, to the husband it's a minor mistake, to the wife a big blunder). But ultimately, a call had to be made and right now the majority are happy.
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Regarding the refunds, the same differing views apply. As far as FD are concerned the money given to them was given for them to carry out development of ED. They feel they have done that so it is unfair (and bad financially) that they should have to give the money back. Some backers feel they have given the money for a specific feature and so feel that they should have it back as FD have dropped the feature.
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I guess this is a lesson in communicating the risks and uncertainties better and how two parties can misunderstand each other.
I think this is bang on the money, FD seems to have no "right" way out of this dilemma. They had to chose the focus of the investment, and it was their call. I guess what's disappointing is the lack of communication about their difficulties and the way the announcement was made, and they pretty poor communication they've had so far. Why wasn't the DDF made aware of this ? Why wait till a month before public release to say anything ?
An a secondary note, they've justified not making the server back-end available to single players because of its size and complexity. How are they going to pay for this ? Skins and some advertising ? Or are we going to see stations full of GEICO and Coke billboards, and multiple MTs. Have they said anything officially ?