I know, crazy suggestion. How do you sell JPGs of performance for a decade? A tough problem to solve, but surely the galaxy-sized brains in Santa Monica should've been able to figure it out.
Tired of underwhelming performance from your Potato PC? Well, CI-G have the answer! For only $1999 we'll sell you the roadmap to the roadmap for the Vision of our never-been-done-before subsumpted probability volume Bartender Potato Peeler AI Tech Wizard!
This ground breaking new tech will personally analyse your Potato PC to levels previously completely unheard of. Forget such crude tools as multimeters and benchmarks, Bartender Potato Peeler AI Tech Wizard** will actually render, in real time, in engine, actual game assets and provide* to you a personalised JPEG of everything wrong with your Potato PC. Just give him another credit card details and he will fix*** it for you automatically before your very eyes!
But wait - there's MOAR!
For just another $1999 recurring weekly fee Bartender Potato Peeler AI Tech Wizard will make absolutely sure your Potato PC remains completely peeled for the duration of the roadmap! +/- roadmap development.
No refunds. Or cancellations.
Buy an Idris!.
*Provision is subject to acceptance of <waves hands>
**Bartender Potato Peeler AI Tech Wizard is not guaranteed to work with all configurations.
***Fix may render your Potato PC completely inoperable.