UA Mystery thread 4 - The Canonn

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EAGLE 5

EAGLE 5
who? said:
Date: Today
Location: Varati
Title: Mal-effects of Unknown Artefacts continue to spread, first organic subjects confirmed in Varati.

After weeks of speculation on the link between sales of Unknown Artefacts and the malfunctions at several space ports throughout the galaxy, the Voice of Varati has now learnt of the first confirmed case of organic malfunctions linked to the UAs.

A brief perusal of the historical document: "UA Mystery thread 4 - The Canonn" reveals the true horror of the situation. Previously renowned and respected members of the scientific, technical and linguistic communities have been reduced to communicating in silly, child-like sentences. In the place of forensic investigation and data-based extrapolation, we now have but talk of cookies, scones, pop-culture and pants-related accidents.

Some would say the link with the UAs is anecdotal, but The Voice has learned from sources close to The Canonn that all those effected have had long-term, first-hand exposure to the UAs.

It's understood the only scientific paper published by The Canonn in the last 6 months has been "Since the Average Human Being has Half a [lady-part] and half a [man thing], Where are those people?" - which has met with widespread scorn and derision from the scientific community, along with record ratings for the Fox Holovision Network.

When pressed for comment on these disturbing changes, and the link with the UAs, a spokesperson for The Canonn had this to say: "Wibble".

The Voice will continue to monitor and report on this worrying trend.

Cmdr "Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel" Skibbering (a.k.a. who?)
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If this ends up on Galnet. I'm personally sending you 5 dollars U.S., no more no less.
 

rizal72

rizal72
Derthek said:
Rizal you're famous again!
https://www.reddit.com/r/EliteDangerous/comments/3w2v7n/horizons_release_date_tuesday_15th_december/
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EhEh! This time I was the first one to comment on David Braben's thread announcing Horizon's release date ;)
Not that I won anything by that... apart from a PM from him telling me the solution to the UA Mystery...

Edd Jordan said:
nice
well as morse was first dismissed and then it turned out to be morse code. all through i believe all these things have been tried maybe we do need to talk to it?
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Ehm... and if I tell you that it was already widely done? More than 10.000 words to be precise... both written and spoken to the UA... included Fibonacci and similar...
 

EAGLE 5

EAGLE 5
If I was to guess I'd say that only a very VERY select few within FD know about stuff and secrets like solutions to the UA and whatever else they got in store for us.

I look to Mr. Brookes for answer this one.
 

Han_Zen

Han_Zen
EAGLE 5 said:
No it set it to kill and blew up trying to weaponize the xerographic module.


Lab 69 has not stopped complaining about it... It was their printer.


Not like they used it for anything constructive anyway.
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Lab 69 were using that printer for graphical representations of their A.S.S. Department.
They want be happy.
 

rizal72

rizal72
EAGLE 5 said:
If I was to guess I'd say that only a very VERY select few within FD know about stuff and secrets like solutions to the UA and whatever else they got in store for us.

I look to Mr. Brookes for answer this one.
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I think you are right: in fact, in the mail he sent me, David Braben was precisely asking me informations about the UA mystery, because he didn't know that much. He was complaining about Michael Brookes not telling him anything...
 
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Sigon

Sigon
Edith_The_Hutt said:
What's the policy on posting unsubstantiated crack-pot theories about the UA mystery on this thread? I'd like to get my craziness on record before Horizons drops so I can reserve "told you so" rights.
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As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words:
36071e4005e42b7a12fbe329cffcac9f.jpg
 

EAGLE 5

EAGLE 5
Han_Zen said:
Lab 69 were using that printer for graphical representations of their A.S.S. Department.
They want be happy.
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Indeed... I may get in trouble for this but I obtained a copy of security footage from Lab 69. Apparently this is pretty common stuff over there.

[video=youtube_share;OmCxtWrRQJ8]https://youtu.be/OmCxtWrRQJ8[/video]

I thought that printer was a bit dingy...
 

Huros

Huros
Edith_The_Hutt said:
What's the policy on posting unsubstantiated crack-pot theories about the UA mystery on this thread? I'd like to get my craziness on record before Horizons drops so I can reserve "told you so" rights.
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Sorry Edith! Lab 69 has reserved full and indisputable "told you so" rights for the next 9 seasons of Elite. The "TOLD YOU SO" document is some 43,069 pages and sitting next to my desk gathering dust; In fact Enoch serves my tea and bickies on top of it every morning. Quality Ai, don't ya know - damn fine cha brewer. Must be those Tea algorithms I pinched off Powell before he made off with... another time... The truth about the printer was it jammed at 43,069 pages and Enoch "showed it who was boss". It was a good printer but 43,069 pages of Sans Comic is enough for any semi-intelligent entity to rebel at. Sort of like Barnie the Purple dino on loop for thirty seconds; It will reduce the most hardened of men to gibbering wrecks of surrender. It is ready for easy distribution on this very thread when the UAs are confirmed to be "bad ju ju"... are we there yet? Cant be far now...
 
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Edd Jordan

Edd Jordan
Right well that's it! we tried everything. i'm off to go make a banner (tell us the truth fd! we know you have thargoids in there!) get an old rusty oil drum and a stack of pallets for burning. and stand out the front of FD,s offices playing david bowie's space hit though my pa until they crack. who's with me!
 

rizal72

rizal72
Edd Jordan said:
Right well that's it! we tried everything. i'm off to go make a banner (tell us the truth fd! we know you have thargoids in there!) get an old rusty oil drum and a stack of pallets for burning. and stand out the front of FD,s offices playing david bowie's space hit though my pa until they crack. who's with me!
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IMO it'd be easier to crack those inside Area 51, until they show you Roswell's Green Men...
 

Huros

Huros
In all seriousness we should make a life sized version and deliver it to FD. Dress it up with fairy lights and tinsel.

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rizal72 said:
IMO it'd be easier to crack those inside Area 51, until they show you Roswell's Green Men...
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Ok so maybe a minute of Barnie the purple Dino and Brookesy will be begging for mercy. Any dad knows that Barnie is the most despicable of psychological warfare tools used by toddlers.
 

Huros

Huros
rizal72 said:
IMO it'd be easier to crack those inside Area 51, until they show you Roswell's Green Men...
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EAGLE 5 said:
Indeed... I may get in trouble for this but I obtained a copy of security footage from Lab 69. Apparently this is pretty common stuff over there.

https://youtu.be/OmCxtWrRQJ8

I thought that printer was a bit dingy...
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That is proprietary internal security CCTV! Please return it immediately!
 
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EAGLE 5

EAGLE 5

Huros

Huros
Antisocial science 102 has a bribery and extortion class tonight by Prof Powell. We are trying to recruit Prof Brookesy for next year though
 
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