I feel your pain, Garth - I do. As a middle aged man who's never actually played the likes of Battlefield or Call of Duty, the notion of this in Elite was confusing to me. And that confusion was immediately followed by frustration as every mission I took failed within seconds because I didn't know what I was doing.
What clicked for me was finding a tutorial series which treated it as a game of patience and covert operations, rather than a shoot-em-up. Have a look at these videos, and I think they'll help out:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxYYtWUe1zoGDGjAvfW1gaw
Also, keep an eye on the thread here in the Odyssey section:
https://forums.frontier.co.uk/threads/the-great-pre-upgraded-gear-sharing-is-caring-thread.576352/
It can be very hit or miss depending on people grabbing stuff that's posted and not letting the thread know, but it can be an excellent way to get upgraded gear to give you more of a fighting chance in settlements. (Thanks to that thread, I have a G3 suit, rifle, and pistol and have yet to do any of the on-foot engineering!)
Good luck out there in the black, Commander! o7